Posted by
michi
19 yrs ago
I've gone through 3 DH in HK since 1.5 years...sigh..., I have a current DH working with my family in SG for 16 years but I can't seem to hold a HK DH for more than 6 months, my HK "family" profile:(single, 2 dogs, I'm frequently out of town, 5 fishes, 2 birds).
My DH's package :- (HK$4,000, dinner and lunch paid by me or she eats whatever there is in the house, my fridge is ultra fully stocked ALWAYS, whenever I'm out of town, she gets an extra HK$500 for EVERY week that I am away which includes buying food for herself and for my dogs.)
My Blues :- I found out she was using 100% of the HK$500 per week allowance for herself and none for my dogs (I have 2 small dogs, they don't eat much), lately I found she was helping herself to my beers in the fridge, she said it is for her menstrual cramps, I thought maybe I'm being too naive or even stupid...or maybe I'm being too petty over a few cans of beers? Then recently she told me she was going to resign because she is bored at home....and the cycle of hiring another new DH begins....am I doing something wrong? Or are SG DH better than HK DH?
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Have you thought about hiring someone part time a few hours a day to watch your pets while you are out of town? A neighbor perhaps?
Taking the weekly food allowance and not feeding your pets is outright animal abuse in my opinion. I have no idea how much pet food costs these days, but your helper should be able to eat quite fine on about half the weekly allowance you give.
Then again, I think you are being petty if you give your helper free range of your "ultra stocked" fridge but then get upset over a few cans of beer. You're missing the big picture, which is your latest helper isn't very good. Good riddance that she is leaving. Kind of surprising since she has quite a good arrangement as far as I can tell.
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Beer for menstrual cramps? - load of crock.
Maybe you are just paying her too much - the $500 a week sounds like a tempting thing to take for herself. Next helper - ask for receipts for the dog food and date and sign them when you have sighted them. I buy enough dog food for my large dog for under $100 a week - so you are in effect giving her a huge pay increase, even if she does feed the dogs. I think you are being too generous.
I too am surprised that she is leaving - or she has decided there is no point staying because you may be not interested in marrying her - so she will move onto to find someone else.
Part time sound like a better option too.
Where are you situated in HK?
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michi
19 yrs ago
Thanks John & Dimac for your replies, well the "catch" of paying her a good package is because she gets only 2 days off a month (excluding public holidays),this arrangement was made clear from the beginning when I first interviewed her. The main reason is I do not want my dogs alone in the house whilst I'm away on a business trip that sometimes span over a weekend. She told me that she rather work for less money and less idea conditions (she sleeps in my biggest guest room about 180 sq feet) than to get only 2 days instead of the 4 days off that all DHs get.
Re the beer incident, well I couldn't care less about the "loss", as I was worried she might have "invited" her friends over for a party whilst I was away, which explains the missing beers rather than the beer as remedy for her cramps, which I agree with Dimac is a load of rubbish.
Re the marrying part, well I think it is unlikely that she hopes I will marry her because I told her from the beginning that I am gay.
As for the food for the dogs, well they eat about 120gms/150 gms of ground beef mixed with vegetables daily, it is hard to "differentiate" if the beef went into the stomachs of my dogs or hers, but I did catch her red handed once when I found out that she was "over-buying" the dogs daily quota of 120gms/150gms and I found a gladware box full of tomato & meat sauce that was discarded in the garbage when I decide to return home a day earlier and I forgot to ring her to tell her that she will be expecting my earlier return to HK.
The other interesting traits that the HK DHs display are their "showmanship", that they will deliberately make themselves busy when you are in the house to show that they are working, or have a little bottle of detergent or a jar of coffee that never seems to run out and are perpetually full when mine seems to be running out quicker than a blink of an eye, don't get me wrong, I'm not being calculative, I find it rather amusing than disturbing that they are skimming off their employers even though I told them that it is OK to use whatever there is in the house, but they choose to lie and deny that they ever touch the employer's things because they rather use their own.....I just don't understand why they like to lie...so unnecessarily.
My SG DH of 16 years has an ATM card to draw out her salary, take out money when I need them (I've never lost a cent in my account), use the card for food purchase or household necessities, for 16 years she wakes up at 4:45am to hose the porch, feed the dogs, makes breakfast for my 3 nieces/nephews, run her groceries errands mid morning, makes lunch for my mum and dad, cleans the house after lunch, picks up the kids from school, makes them take their baths, by late afternoon she is free, she sits in the garden, plays with the dogs, or sews, reads etc..early evening she prepares dinner, washes up, put the kids to bed, locks the gate..lights off at 11pm.
My HK DH goes to bed at 9pm (even if I have guests in the house)and wakes up at 7am, I got her to wake me up once at 4.30am to catch my early flight, at 6am I was still in bed, it was my regular airport taxi driver that woke me up...almost missed my 8am flight.
On one hand it is not fair to compare my SG & HK DHs but I'm not looking for my SG DH's replica in HK but I'm hoping to find at least a decent honest DH here, I'm thinking maybe I should hire a male butler, well at least I can walk around my apartment in my underwear....
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michi
19 yrs ago
Sorry I forgot to include my reply to:-
Dimac = I'm in central
John = Part time DH ? Well...I can't bear to leave my dogs alone in the apartment,so full time is the only way to go.
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Hi Michi,looking for a male to look after your dog?I can recommend someone.He used to be working with my friends Dad,unfortunately the old man just passed away.Drop me a line if your interested.
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michi
19 yrs ago
Hi Miming, thanks great...let me know how should I get in touch with this person.
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Hi Michi,
You can contact this person his name is Adam,his Filipino and he took good care of my friend's Dad before.His number is 90130897.Good luck.
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tly
19 yrs ago
Michi, the answer as to why your SG DH lasted for so long and your HK DH's are not working out is because you kept the one in SG busy while the one here is given too much freedom and money. Some posters might call me mean, but that's the way it is... the more freedom you give a DH and more relaxed you seem with your money when it comes to them, the more "chances" there are of them acting up and not repaying your kindness with hardwork and honesty. As mentioned in previous postings, if you spoil them like a child, they think they can take advantage of your kindness and get "spoiled". Hope you'll be lucky enough to find a new DH that has a love for dogs as much as you do. This might not have anything to do with it, but heck, dog meat is a delicacy in the Philippines, haha! And one more thing... having grown up in the Philippines, I know that a chunk of the Filipino female population do believe drinking beer during your periods give relief. (i can explain if you really want to know) Good luck Michi! Hope things work out with your next DH.
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michi
19 yrs ago
Hi tly, you are half right...I don't spoil my DHs, the HK DHs were given specific things to do, they tend to do them in my presence..but with my travelling there isn't anyone in the house to keep them on their toes, my SG DH has my parents to keep on eye on her, but in HK I have no one. Hence I need an independently reponsible DH in HK..which I wonder if it is wishful thinking...does this magical DH really exist...even in SG....
Re the beer remedy for menstrual cramps...I so want to know...enlighten me...if true I can breathe a sigh of relieve that she haven't been inviting unvited guests into my house.
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Just found this on the net..under "home remedies for period pain" or something like that. I was too curious about this beer thing. ""Hi. I suffer from polycystic ovaries which causes extreme pain from my periods. Not just cramping but nausia, diahrea, chills, and hot flashes ect. It is only painful during the first two days but it is too much to handle. I am not a drinker by no means but if you drink just one beer it will thin the clots which stops the cramps. Since the pain of the cramping is what causes the nausia and all that other stuff then a beer covers it all. Since I can't stand the taste of beer I just go buy a winecooler and my pain is gone in about 15 minutes...try it...it works"". Well I'll be... Just out of curiousity and apologies if you have stated this already, but how many beers were missing? By the way, our EX helper got into our grog too and had people over when we were away. Our neighbours saw her. All the best.
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Hi Michi,
It for the best that your DH is leaving. She is really taking full advantage of you.
With your next DH...do things properly....
1. Pay her a minimum legal salary...If you want to give her any extras, do so at X'mas, CNY, etc & tell her it is because you are happy with her work. Let her cook her own meals, dont pay for her meals. Dont spend on her for no reason.
2. Any money you give her, tell her you want to see receipts for proof.
3. Tell her not to touch your alcohol for any reason, she can buy her own beers if she wants it.
4. Compensate her for the weekends she works- give her an exact amount eg. HK 150/-. Add that to her salary.
5. Dont give your DH your big room which should be kept for your family/ guests. Give her a normal room, which she is used to in her other jobs.
6. Ensure she respects you as her employer & that you are boss.
It does sound like you have been spoiling your DH. I am not saying treat her badly, but dont overdo it by spoiling her either.
I too am not at home often for days. However, my DH knows I wont let her abuse our home, food or money. She is careful.
Any DH would love to work for you. There is not much work, no kids, has a house to herself & has a few animals to look after. You will get many wanting to work for you.
All the best.
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Very good advice from seriously flawed.
Michi, you really should have no problem finding a helper, for the reasons that seriously flawed stated. The key is to lay down the rules (such as zero tolerance for lying, stealing, guests, excessive phone use, etc.) during the interview so expectations are set should you hire the helper.
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tly
19 yrs ago
thanks for getting the info Wendy =) when I was a kid, my helpers always told me about drinking some beer whenever they had menstrual cramps. The warmth of the alcohol somehow eases the flow and relieves pain and discomfort. But the thing is, how many cans of beer are missing? My helpers used to drink one bottle or can max, nothing more.
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michi
19 yrs ago
Thank you all....wendy7-seriously flawed-john5023-tly,
Well......firstly, I don't know exactly how many beers were drank, maybe 6-10 cans.
And........secondly, I know ALL of you are going to lash out at me, because my friends did so...well here goes nothing...my DH walked out...yes!!! packed up and left the other day...no letter...no words before...she decided on that faithful morning that she was going to go....I spoke to her before she walked out...and told her that if she wanted to leave because she is unhappy I can't stop her...I told her to go to the agency to get the papers, clearance forms for me to sign...the situation was:-
1) I hired her in HK after she resigned from her previous employer (before their contract was signed)
2) She finished her contract with the employer prior to the one she resigned from and she was given an open ticket which she obviously did not use because she came to work for me.
3) She told me that she want cash for her ticket home instead because she already has an open ticket, the agency told me that I have to pay for her return ticket back to HK too..which amounts to HK$2,750 round trip= HK/MNL/HK.
4)She lied to the agency that I fired her which on the clearance form stated that I have to pay her 1 month salary in lieu plus the days she had already worked in Dec plus misc expense plus the holidays to be paid pro-rated.
I naturally was shocked and clarified with the agency upon which the tables turned when I stated that since the DH walked out without notice I should be paid back 1 month salary = HK$4,000
My DH reacted very aggressively and threatened to report to the police which I told her to do so, I told her that I'm only doing what is right according to the HK labour laws.
I offered her:-
1) all money due for the days she worked in Dec, plus the misc expenses, plus the vacation days owed will be paid.
2) no cash in lieu of her return ticket, I will buy her a return ticket HK/MLN/HK.
3) she pays me back the 1 month salary of HK$4,000 (excluding her HK$500 meal money)
She of course went berserk and wanted to call the police, I told her that I am doing what is right and she is welcome to call the police. She then called the agency to clarify if I was cheating her, which the agency explained to her that I am right.
She changed her demeanour in a flash and decided that she wanted to stay after all. I spoke to her, made it clear that I would not stand anymore rubbish from her, all things said clear, she agreed...and she is still here...until I find a replacement....
My friends screamed bloody murder at me...they said I should have reported to the police...throw her out...do what any decent person suppose to do, give her what money, ticket... etc are due to her, get the 1 month salary back and let her rot.....but.....I just couldn't do it...I've been thrown out of a house before...I know how it feels...I just couldn't do it...in any case...it won't be another 2 weeks longer...I just need to find a decent replacement asap...
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All that and you trust her again with your dogs and household valuables?
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I am serously flawed by you michi....
Why are you going out of your way to be tortured by your DH? Do you want something far worse to happen before you learn from it?
You baffle me.....
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oh no! ai ya! mazel tov! ok, scratch that last one :)
Your helper sounds like poison. You called her bluff and she still managed to salvage the situation. Wow. It takes two to tango, as they say, so you have no one else to blame but yourself.
I have a news flash for you. You may not find a helper in the next two weeks. What are you going to do then? Invite your wonderful helper to stay on? If nothing else, for the sake of your pets, ask her to eat the food she prepares before serving it them! I know that sounds harsh, even cruel, but I suspect your dogs eat pretty well. For $500 per week, I sure hope so.
Lastly, in case you change your mind but don't want to be responsible for literally throwing her out into the cold, there are cheap boarding houses for all the Filipina helpers know about that she can rent by the week. It may not be luxe as your guest bedroom (which sounds huge by the way), but it will keep her warm at night while she thinks about how she managed to screw up a great deal. You can even pay the rent for the period while her paperwork is being processed and she leaves Hong Kong. Do it sooner than later before you start coming down with the holiday blues. And, buy a non refundable HKG-MNL-HKG ticket since it is extremely unlikely she will be setting foot in Hong Kong anytime soon if you write the termination letter the way it is supposed to be written (i.e., she got fired for cause). Ugh. Still shaking my head.
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mdap
19 yrs ago
I have two large dogs, pay my maid double the rate you pay yours, she gets every Sunday and public holiday off, after 4 months she took 16 days holiday back home - fully paid, she has maids room with aircon, two huge windows overlooking HK and the harbour, seperate toilet with seperate shower and has to look after two people, my partner and I. IS she happy - NO. She complains about the dogs, complains about "serving two people", avoids any work other than what is obvious, is immensely clumsy - has broken toaster, new SMEG range hood, vacuum etc and never mentioned a word about it to me (I found out when she was on holiday and I did the cleaning!) My point to you is, no matter how many times you change your maid, they will never be perfect. Mine is moody, lazy, rude, plays me off vs my partner etc etc. Her good points are she is an excellent cook, but really at the end of the day ... maids are never going to give you 100% satisfaction.... Providing they are trustworthy , then that is about all you can expect
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Maids wont ever give you 100%satisfaction, but I'll be damned if I will settle for 10% or less either!
mdap, why do you pay your DH double the normal salary, I wonder?
By spoiling your DH, and giving them too much freedom, you 'll seem unhappy anyway. Why dont you'll do things the normal way ( legal salary, leave, etc) & let them know their limits & then see if it could be better? You have nothing to lose anyway.....
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mdap
19 yrs ago
I ASK MYSLEF THE SAME QUESTION , INITIALLY SHE WAS SO GOOD, POLITE, EAGER ETC .. THAT LASTED TWO MONTHS ! She returned from her holiday yesterday, came back to the house at 11pm, this morning when I left at 7am, she had only just got up .. no tea etc etc ..... DOn't worry, we will be having words later tonight!
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mdap, you should hire two new helpers and pay each one-half what you are paying your current helper. Or even better, hire one new helper at one-half the rate you are currently paying.
Kat 2005, michi needs to provide a return ticket since his helper never went back to the Philippines before he hired her. Had she done so, he would have had to pay for her ticket over here and, now, her ticket back. Having said that, michi would probably be better off just negotiating a one way ticket and some cash since a non-refundable ticket with a fixed return date for the helper is not going to do her any good if she is not returning to Hong Kong.
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michi
19 yrs ago
They seemed perfect in the beginning, I know the perfect one probably doesn't exist, it's a matter of give and take, it irks me sometimes how much time and expense one has to give to someone who is suppose to make one's life easier.
I know I did the absolute wrong to keep someone who is bend on leaving, but I believe maybe through all this...as mdap said:- we have to be contended through the little good they do, no matter if they seem to give us hell, maybe the 10% is enough as seriously flawed said.
Thanks Kat2005 for the ticket tip, I'll check it out.
Thanks john5023 for the boarding house tip, maybe I will march her there this weekend.
Meanwhile, since I'm looking for a replacement DH, I've interviewed a couple, I'm undecided between an experienced DH (12years in HK) vs an 'inexperienced' DH (2years in HK).
Your thoughts please.
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Michi,
I said the 10% is totally unacceptable. It is certainly not enough, not for me!
Interview many DH's. There are many to choose from. take your time to make your decision.I would hire someone with 2 yrs experience ( or slightly more), not the 12 yrs experience.
Finally it is not about the amount of years they have been in HKG, but how they will work for you. Whoever you employ, just dont spoil them & give in to them. Lay down the ground rules during the interview & let them know your expectations. Once you employ someone, dont forget what you told them & YOU stick to the rules, only then they will follow them. It is all upto the employer. Any DH will try their luck & go overboard, they have to know that you mean what you say & that they cannot take advantage of you.
In other words, dont make the same mistakes you have made with your present DH, do things differently second time round. Hope things work out for you!
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My first helper worked for me for a year, got paid more than the minimum, had basically a whole flat to herself and was miserable as sin. She cried whenever there was any problem with her work (at 46 years old!), could only do one thing at a time (so, either look after the baby or do cleaning or cooking - not all of these. Even if the baby was sleeping - because that's TV/phone time.)
Our new helper is a joy to be around. She works hard, smiles all the time, gets the minimum salary which she sends directly home (rather than spending it all on her phone bills). She manages to take care of my son and the cats and keeps the house clean. Our new helper comes from Sri Lanka, and we found her details on this website. We only interviewed 3 ladies (all from Sri Lanka), one appeared excellent (far more experienced that we needed), one would have done, and then the lady we hired. So far - no games, no tears, no sulking. Finally my life is simpler, rather than more complicated.
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michi
19 yrs ago
Hi seriously flawed, sorry that I misunderstood you. I've seen quite a bit of candidates these past days, and I found the ones that have been in HK for > 10 years can be quite 'demanding'. I've shortlisted an indonesian, a filipino girl and a filipino boy (his mother works in HK too and is quite 'charming' and insist on seeing her son's sleeping quarters)....so I'm keeping my fingers crossed one of these candidates will work out....though I have my preference for the indonesian girl.
Hi geiboyi...welcome to the drama of the filipina "soap operas"...the crying...the burden of work...what else is new, I know exactly what you must have gone through with your previous helper...I'm so glad that you finally found your perfect helper....
Merry Christmas to all that responded to my posting...you all have been great!!!! Thank you so much.
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ritad
19 yrs ago
its funny,,i thought paying the DH extra money and little work will make her happier..but it only makes her lazier and tkae you for gratned...it seems that is everywhere...
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Hi Michi,
If you find anyone demanding now itself then you dont want hire that one!
If a Mother is getting involved then you dont want to hire that one either. If your DH needs Mom to make his/ her decision then imagine how often the DH will run to Mummy!
Get someone who is confident & independent but not ' demanding'. I find the very experienced DH in HKG too much, not what I want. All the best!
Merry X'mas to you & everyone else too. Lets hope 2006 brings us dream DH's!!! :)
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I've been following this thread and was going to say the same thing as seriously flawed just did two days ago, but I decided that michi wasn't good at taking advice. I hope I am proven wrong. The last thing you want to do is hire a helper and get a helper-in-law for free.
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