Your helper is not your child's mother

I read so many threads from parents complaining about how their DH is mistreating or doing unsafe things with their children. And someone always replies something cynical like "how about you doing the job yourself instead of all that misery" I have to say that I somewhat agree with those cynical respondents. I'm a mother of two children and I have a helper. I make her do all the washing, cleaning, cooking and whatever necessary around the house so that I can devote my time for my children and enjoy quality time with them. Why do people make DH look after the kids? (I'm mainly talking about stay-at-home moms here). Seems like lot of heartache will be eliminated if people just looked after their own kids and let DH do all the rest.

I do agree with you Oceanview after having had a DH in the past. I only hired a DH after my daughter turned 3yrs and decided to return to work. I immediately noticed a change in my daughters behaviour, eg. being lazy and expecting the DH to tidy up her toys whereas before she did all this herself. Also she was starting to develop a ladylike tantrum everytime she didn't get her own way. I was actually quite shocked even after I had specifically told my helper to be quite strict with her. This really concerned me and I eventually decided that I shouldn't expect anyone else to raise my own child.

I have now quit my job, do my own housework, have baby no.2 due next May and only plan on getting part time help with the housework. I have to admit that I am less stressed now that I do everything myself and not have to deal with a DH and my daughter is back to being independent rather than relying on having a DH doing everything for her. Obviously not everyone is in the position to be at home full time as I have friends who have to work to make ends meet and a DH is a necessity, but I do believe that if you are at home full time, you really should be looking after your own children.

i had a full time helper and another part time when the other child came. we didnt live in a big house to need such help when i was a stay home mother. help did the washing the cleaning and ironing. cooking i did, she did the preparing what i cook. i gave bath/shower to the kids and she helps them put their clothes on.


oh i need the helper when i was in my "usual moods" to shield the kids as in take them for a walk or to the park whike me and the moth had a screaming match.