FDH story

I receive an email from a friend, would like to share and give our expat readers some insight about the life of FDH in hk,the content was written by this preacher called Bo Sanchez, read on..


By Bo Sanchez


We were going to Hong Kong that day.

I was going to preach for three days but had two extra days to be with my family.

Picture us at the airport: My wife carrying our baby in her arms, my eldest son bouncing about like a rabbit and announcing to the whole world, “I’m going to Hong Kong Disneyland!” And the poor skinny father? Straining to push eight massive bags on a wobbly cart with a stubborn right wheel. (I’ve noticed that these strange carts supernaturally end up with me wherever I go.)

That was when we heard the crying.

Correction. Not crying. But spine-chilling, lung-busting screaming.

Two kids were holding onto their mother. They were separated by four-foot tall steel bars. But to those distraught children, those steel bars represented two years of being without their mother — the contract of a domestic helper in Hong Kong.

Four small arms clutching, grabbing, not letting go.

The whole world heard their pleading scream, “Mommy, please don’t go! Please don’t go!”

I’ll never forget the mother’s pained, tortured face — as though a knife was ripping through her body.

My wife cried openly.

I wept inside and held onto my kids more closely.

That was two days ago.

Yesterday, the story continued…


Yesterday was Sunday.

And I walked around Central.

If you don’t know Hong Kong, Central is where thousands upon thousands of Filipina Domestic Helpers congregate. They sit on sidewalks. They sit on overpasses. They sit by storefronts.

I walked passed one woman who was reading a handwritten letter.

The handwriting was obviously a child’s penmanship.

I walked passed another listening to a little cassette player — not to listen to music — but to a voice of a kid telling stories.

But what broke my heart was the news given to me by Shirley, the head of one organization that tries to help them get financial education. I was shocked by what she said. “Brother Bo, out of our 700 members who are married, 80% are already separated from their husbands.”


I’m still in Hong Kong as I write this piece.

It’s five in the morning as I type this article in bed.

And my little family is literally around me because we’re all sleeping on one bed. Yes, we’ve become one mass jumble of intertwined humanity — our limbs, legs and arms crisscrossing each other.

And that’s when I realize — gosh, I don’t know how blessed I am.

Why?

Here I am with my family. I feel their skin. I smell their scents. We’re so close, I feel their breath.

And yet I’m surrounded by 148,000 domestic helpers here in Hong Kong that have been away from their families for months, for years, for decades. And for those who’ve separated — forever.

Let me say it again: We don’t know how blessed we are.

We complain that our families are nutty.

But we don’t understanding how blessed we are to have them close enough to experience their nuttiness.

We complain about our petty quarrels, our cold wars, our dysfunctionality.

But whose family isn’t dysfunctional?

I’ve talked to some people here in Hong Kong who would give anything to be with their families again — even for just one day of nuttiness.


Yesterday afternoon, I preached to 700 people in Hong Kong.

I usually give my talks for 45 minutes. That’s been my trademark.

But yesterday, I gave a solid two-hour talk. Vein-popping, heart-pounding, passion-driven talk — because I had a burden in my heart.

Because I preached on Financial Literacy.

I challenged them, “Raise your financial I.Q.!”

I scolded them, “When you left the Philippines, you told your kids, ‘Child, two years of separation only. After two years, Mommy will have saved enough and will go home and we’ll be together again.’ But after two years, you go home and you haven’t saved. Because you repainted the house. Because there’s a new TV set in the living room and a new gas range in the kitchen. Because the kids have new designer rubber shoes.


I taught them how to live simply and ruthlessly save 20% of their income.

Because unless they do this, they will be forever trapped in Hong Kong.

Look at your life.

Are you living simply?

Are you saving 20% of your income?

After giving my talk, I took a deep breath and told my audience in Hong Kong,

“When you follow these principles and have saved enough — please go home. Please go home to your children.”

I made a lot of people cry that day.

I’m telling you the same thing.

Oh yes, you may be living with your family in one house, but it’s possible that your heart is so far away from your spouse and kids — and they are far away from you as well. You need to let your heart go home.


Go home my friend.


Your heart belongs there.

"Plight" is an interesting word to use for people working here of their own free will and earning 4.7 times the average wage in the Philippines.

I agree.



But as long as the birthrate outstrips the capacity of the Philippines' economy to create domestic jobs, these heart-rending stories will keep coming.

And as long as the governments of the countries from which these people leave continue to encourage this sort of national income then nothing will change becasue they are too lazy to actually change anything in their own country to make it better for their people - while they get thousands of dollars from overseas for doing nothing themselves - why should they care about the population of their country and their basic needs???

As an expat I have been separated from my home and family for 12 years as well.

I mean that I came to Hong Kong alone separated from my family, and when factoring in cost of living I came here for a significant decrease in salary. I did live in employer provided housing, though not with an employer, and it was very poor quality indeed. Far below the living standard I had been used to.


I am one of the many Expat’s that didn't have a golden handcuff package. I came for the adventure of it, not for financial gain. My particular Expat “package” restricted me from a life of fine dining, the American club, and Lan Kwai Fong as a playground; and City Super or Coo (now Great) as a supermarket. It offered me a way to live directly with a new culture, eat at dai pai dongs (the real ones) and char chan tengs and to shop in the local wet market. I met and made friends with locals who also could not afford LKF, but could go to the Urban Council centre and play snooker, or badminton, or hike on the miles and miles of country trails.


I stayed here past my first contract because I fell in love with a local. I then did everything possible to keep my low paying jobs so I could stay here on an employment visa. Because my partner and I are not recognized as a couple in Hong Kong and so while he is a permanent resident I was not, for 7 years. We certainly did have the pressure of potential forced separation, and quite a few close calls where we were trapped. And now, while I am a permanent resident and business owner; the US doesn't recognize him we have the same problem in the other direction.


Eventually I gathered enough contacts and then shareholders to start a business where I held almost no equity, and while providing jobs to dozens of local residents still needed an employment visa. I then worked bloody hard to save enough to become a significant shareholder and stayed long enough to gain permanent residence.


All 4 of my grandparents came from old world to new. They all experienced forced separation, and all for economic reasons. I guarantee that none of them regretted it. No matter how difficult and painful it was.


My point being, we all live the lives we have. Good, bad, fair, unfair are all subjective assessments. I personally find the letter in bad taste because it assumes an awful lot about us it’s intended recipients, and alludes that we are part of the problem rather than one of many choices.

Desire for material goods does lead many Filipino mothers to leave their children behind in order to come and work in Hong Kong as a helper. But I think it's more than that.


It's also about the outlook for women who choose to stay with their children in the Philippines. Not only may they be unable to find work, but also they may lose their status.


I don't agree with this, but from conversations I've had with my helper, it seems her status is much higher because she's working in Hong Kong and perceived by her family and friends to be earning a lot of money. Whereas if she quit, married and stayed home with a baby, she'd no longer be a high wage earner. She would be able to support herself and her child from her savings, but she wouldn't be able to help her extended family any more.


I think there's a lot of pressure going on, I mean in general and not just my one helper's family. The extended family pushes the woman to work in Hong Kong, even if that's not good for her, because they gain from it.


On the surface, it seems that these women

'choose' to come to Hong Kong - but what influences their 'choice'? The prospect of being looked upon as nothing special, or even regarded as lazy for refusing an offer of employment in HK.


My helper has no children, she's still single. I get the impression she's not saving for a better life - THIS is her better life. When she goes home, people look up to her (of course! they're getting money from her!) and she never had that before she came to HK. In the Philippines, women are still widely regarded as inferior to men, so a well-paid job as a helper makes her feel like she's really something.


It's sad, but that's what I think keeps a lot of Filipino mothers here: they just can't face the prospect of being treated like they're worth nothing again.

To me this post has to be read in the context that it was placed on an Expat discussion forum not a DH forum. Since it is posted here for our reading pleasure it appears to be an attempt to sew a little guild and tug on the heart-strings and sympathy of Expat employers. “Feel sorry for you’re helper, she had to give up so much to serve in your employ.” Nothing wrong with people trying to garner sympathy I guess…if that’s how you choose to live life, but I find it offensive, and I would never think to seek sympathy in such an exploitive way.

Barbara30 - I think chefcrsh is in a same sex relationship - just reading between the lines.

Barbara30: Perhaps; though many of my secondary school companions are not as prosperous or employed as I am. Same is true of many in the UK, so who knows. Yes when I got the first job here I had a job there, that’s true.


Every helper here has the option to return home, same as I did and same as I do now. Of course that option has specific costs and rewards, same for all of us. Though the costs and rewards may vary they are entirely subjective, and one can not judge which is greater or less, in any meaningful sense.


There are many people living in Hong Kong separated from families and homes due to economic or other forces. Some of them have less income than a minimum wage DH and have no housing or board. I know some of these people. Does the DH population have a difficult situation? Sometimes. Is the DH population worse off than any other? My experience tells me not by a long shot.


Again, I didn't say it was bad to know about another’s plight, but that I find this post an obvious and somewhat offensive complaint about how life is so unfair and an attempt to guilt the employers about their “better” life.


Bumpkin, please don't take my comments out of context, or twist them so that they suit your bizarre ends. FYI I am still not a member. Actually once long ago, when I applied for a job I wasn't even deemed suited to be one of their employees. Cest La Vie


dimac4: Bingo, though no need to read between the lines yes we are a same sex couple and not at all shy about it.

I asked our helper about this today, she said she prefers to live in Hong Kong. She said she has a better life and actually more freedom and excitement here.


True, she doesn't have her own children yet I'm sure it would be much harder to leave when you have children.


Personally I couldn't do it - but then I don't need to so I do feel lucky in that regard.

We have a large number of DH in our church who are married and have children - as much as they miss their children, they really do not mind being here once they are here - if they did they would get their money together fast (within a couple of contracts) stop sending it home to be squandered, save as much as they can by not spending it or taking out outrageous loans and leave. Many keep resigning a contract because they do not want to go home.


My first helper followed this plan - she was an example to all the others - was only in HK for 3 years, saved as much as she could - did not send any of it home, did not loan anything to anyone or from anyone - went home and bought her own house, land and pigs and oven and now is self sufficient earning a living from the skills she learnt in HK (cooking that is not pig farming). She had a goal and stuck to it - I think the problem is that most come out without a goal and life is easier here than it is at home. Some days I think I could leave my family for a few years and not have to deal with it all.

Must agree with Dimac4 about their government's role in 'this plight'. They make such a mess of their own country that mothers have to leave in their thousands so that their children have a fighting chance of nutrition, education etc. Then they (the government) has the nerve to charge employers in HK for stamping a piece of paper so that their employment permits can be processed. The other costs; flights, government levy (it is only fair that we get taxed, not the FDH) etc. all seem legitimate - but rewarding the Philippine Government for forcing their citizens to find a living elsewhere seems ridiculous! If I had faith that the money would be ploughed back into education etc. to sort out their problems, it would not bother me - but somehow I cannot imagine that those who need it ever get a sniff of it.......

i am sorry but i don't understand teh problem here..a lot of people work in other places to support their families..and some done't save a penny ...just enough to survive....the are working..we all work..for the money....it is nt like no one is paying them..i don't think a lot of the people know how much a watchman makes in hong kong....some only make 4000 a month..they also have a family to support..and none of them have food housing and anyother thing provided to them...and i am not just saying this...i know of people like that........

you work..you get paid....

why do you think we have expats here... better money....or environment.......many do leave family behind....

I've given my helper several oppertunities to go home over the last 4 years to see her kids for xmas etc, even to have one of the kids over for a holiday here, but as soon as I've said she'd have to buy the ticket she doesn't want to know. So she has had the chance to see them but chooses to spend her money on other things.

Exactly, we were motivated by a number of things, all related to our children in our decision to move here (opportunity to learn Chinese, understand China, safer streets etc). Many FDHs are literally trying to feed and clothe their children by working here for minimum wage. Different ball park.


Of course some helpers turn down opportunities to go home to their children if they have to pay for their own flights....it takes upto half a month's wages. They probably see it as another month at the end of their stay here and would rather save and move back ASAP.


I was told by a helper that many women do get sucked back into the single life here and forget about their husbands in particular, but that is the minority. Most would rather be with their children than washing our floors.


We pay for at least 2 flights home a year (at times that suit us; Christmas and summer), and have never had our offer turned down.

The governments are to blame because they are so corrupt in both instances.


If Australia started exporting their mothers because the government could not provide a basic standard of living for all - there would be an outcry to fix it from the public. Part of the problem is that the poeple in these countries have accepted the whole exploitation of their women folk as a normal existence and one for which they need to 'thankful'. It is a vicious cycle - many DH are here to pay for education for their families - who end up coming here to work as DH. What is the point?? The government really needs to get its act together, what the problem is - one person from a village comes to HK to work - their family at home starts buying lots of things and being'rich' others see this and want those luxuries too - and send off one of their family members and it continues - things they happliy lived without before become necessities."keeping up with the Mendozas" mentality.


One of my friends who is a DH is distressed because whenever she sends money home her family and all close relatives go out for a big feed in a restaurant. She feels this is not being grateful for how hard she has to work to get this money. I counselled her to figure out how much they really need at home and only send as much as that and save the rest in HK - this way she will get home earlier, and her family do not have a chance to spend her hard earned dollars on frivolous things. Those at home just expect the money to keep rolling in and do not appreciate how hard these women work.

So what is a good life? Do we have a good life as expats? What is the bare minimum of a 'good life?'


Are we placing our expectations on what a good life is on another culture?


A person living in African Sudan might consider having 3 meals a day, a hut to live in, 6 healthy children and a couple of goats a good life. Would you?


A person from the Philippines may have been content with alot less if there was not the opportunity to send their women (and men) over seas. What is considered a good life? A job that pays and covers the necessities with a bit left over for savings, being able to live in a clean environment with shelter, having healthy family members and being able to afford medical care...what is considered a good life in the Philippines if they do not have another person working OS paying their way???

I had always assumed that they were working to pay off mortgages, set up businesses, pay private school fees etc. Some of them are, especially the ones who are in their 40's, have worked here for decades and have no children. Many of the women I interviewed recently are however on minimum wage (despite having worked for the same emplyer for up to 8 years) and say that they had hoped to pay for top schools etc., but are barely earning enough for their familes to stay fed, housed and healthy. The sad part was that they were not complaining; they thought that they were lucky to be able to provide such a life, because they feared for their children if they worked at home.

Actually in Guns Germs and Steel Jared Diamond does point out that one of the odd things about moving from Hunter Gatherer to farmer is that the lifespan and quality of life were greatly diminished. Life spans are exceeding that of the hunter-gatherer only now. And actual populations of nomads we can observe now need only work 3 or 4 hours per day to thrive.


As to a better life, there have been more than a few wealthy technophiles in history who have opted for and extolled the virtue of living a simple life from Christ and Buddha to Henry Davis Thoreau.


Really can anyone prove that these families better because they have designer cloths and color televisions?


One thing that really irks me is this tithing 10%. Shouldn’t all the rich churches of the world that exploit the DH’s for their 10% tithe; And this Brother Bo, give up the Hong Kong Disney vacation and return all the tithes they received until every last person forced to leave their children to earn an income is able to stay at home and work? How much money does the PR wing of god need to spread the word? And why do they need to take that money from these poor helpers. Can’t god just make some more? Instead of loaves into fishes why not dirt into cash?

This is another thread - but tithing is not for the wealth of the church - - many believe that by giving back a little of what God has provided, showing faith and trust in what his plan is, they will recieve more than what they need and that the money that is left actually goes further than what 90% should allow. (In fact it could be perceived that tithing is a selfish act) Tithings in many churches are used to help those less fortunate, it is also used to help build the churches through maintenance of buildings and through teaching materials. (and in some cases the wages of the clerics). Each church that collects tithes has different uses for it, however when it comes down to it - it is a voluntary donation which the person makes in faith and gratitude - they are not forced (or should not be forced) to donate.


It is not just the poor DH who pay tithes in the world - many mulitmillionaires pay tithes (the owners of the Marriot Hotel chain pay tithes) as well as give more to charity. It is an act of faith.

Yeah those beautiful and elaborate churches built on expensive plots of Central real estate are not church wealth built up on the tithes of peasants. Ok.


But isn’t Brother Bo’s letter alluding that while it’s unfair for these DH to have to work overseas for a low wage it is helpful for them to tithe 10% of that low wage, thus extending the amount of time they are separated from their family? Tithing in the case of HKDH’s and Brother Bo was in part to help him fly to Hong Kong to go to Disney (oh and preach a few hours).


And let me ask you this...if (I said if) I am an Atheist working for an evil global company can we still say that god gives to the DH through my what I give to her?


Let’s be honest, if nothing else: The churches do ask (and quite strongly) for donations from even the poorest of believers. There is also a significant amount of peer pressure in passing that basket around in public. Tell me this: If I go into a church and I feel I have true need, could I take money out of the basket as it is passed by my nose? Can you imagine the righteous indignation if someone tried?


The point of all this is that Brother Bo enjoyed his vacation and all these churches where the DH hear of how unfairly they are exploited don't reject the donations of these underprivileged people. But we the employers are somehow exploiting the DH community?

Who cares? The point is the same.

Ah, Bumpkin you clever little devil. Obviously I meant who cares what church he preached at or what denomination. Good effort trying to twist it to refer to the whole topic.


You are absolutely correct in your second point. Sorry DH"s are also Expat’s. My bad.


I am offended because everyone has a hard luck story to tell, and this hard luck story while by no means original tries to blame and shame employers of domestic helpers. I reject the blame and shame and suggest that 1. The problem has much more to do with the families and leaders of the FDH places of origin than with anything we employers are responsible for; 2. The employers are part of the solution. But are often cast as somehow exploiting the employees.


I can only speculate on why you didn't find it bothersome, but then that is none of my business.

Back to the tithing thing - some people spend 10% (or more) of their income on alcohol, gambling and cigarettes and other vices - if someone chooses to give 10% of their income to the church - that is their choice isn't it ?


Just as you have your own choices on how you spend your money, the DH who make under $4,000 feel they are making a contribution to something worthwhile.. why deprive them of feeling good about what they do by judging them on how they spend their money if it is essentially for righteous reasons.


As for staying longer in Hk for doing so - in most cases if they are diligent and are truly faithful - things will always work out that they can rejoin their families at the same time.


Those who can manage their money to pay a regular tithe are usually the ones who can get their accounts in order and save.



With regard to taking money out of the plate being passed around - this public method of money collection is not as effective as it used to be - and if people need help they will usually go to see their minister to see if the church can help them - they are usually not denied if the need is a true one. The righteous indignation would be that you have not passed through the process - they have donated on the understanding that it will be given to those in need - your needs have not been assesed if you take the money out without going through the process of speaking to those who have been given the responsibility of ensuring this money is not wasted. It would be similar to stealing.


If Brother Bo has a family and has been paid for his services - why couldn't he have saved his money to attend disneyland? You are making huge judgements on things you do not know about- your assertation is that Brother Bo is taking money form the poor to visit Disneyland. You do not know how long it has taken him to save for the trip and why can't men of religion have a family holiday??


I also agree with chefcrsh in that the story is meant to make us ' feel ' sorry for these mothers who make choices to leave their families to come here to work based on what they perceive are their needs and due to a corrupt government. It is a sad situation, but maybe the best thing that can be done is to educate these women to manage a budget, teach them real skills, and make them aware of how citizens can change the government.

if i have to feel for anyone ..are those who want to work and can't work....not people who get paid......for working......

I agree dimac4 that they should be free to spend as they see fit, but freedom comes with the responsibility to own your own situation as well.


I even agree that Brother Bo should be able to spend his money as he chooses. But if he gains his money through charlatanry and exploitation…well, he has to live with his own conscience.


My point about the tithe in regards to this thread is to show that we can cast blame for these poor helpers anywhere, including that of the letters author or their church or government. Blame is easy. But no mater what micro or macro cause we choose top blame the helpers are still active participants with many choices made by them along the way.


My personal feeling about tithing is the same way I feel about the many snake oil sales people in the world. Surely god has no need of my money, and also surely paying god a tithe doesn't improve my ranking with him or her right?


Someone is always offering to lead the rich man through the eye of the needle in exchange for his gold. Tithes go to the people who sell access to god. If you want to pay for that, it’s fine by me. If you want to help the poor by tithing that’s fine too but there are much more efficient ways. I prefer to have a direct personal discovery and interaction with the divine aspects of nature, and meanwhile spend plenty of money and time on the welfare of others more personally as well.

I'm not sure how "voluntary" tithing really is. The first thing my DH did on getting her first pay in HK is send a sizable amount to her church back home. She said she "owed" the money to GOD since she hasn't been able to pay due to her difficulties. Her thoughts were...she has to pay what she owes GOD otherwise have to face his wrath !!