anyone has anything to say about their domesic helper?

Hiya! I'm currently doing a master degree in journalism in Cardiff. my dissertation, which is due in September this year, is about FIlipino domestic helpers in Hong KOng. and i'm just wondering if anyone has anything - good or bad - to say about their domestic helper? basically, i want to know if employers tend to treat their DHs as a family member or if there is a clear employer-employee relationship? and, any grievances to voice on the employer's part? thanks a million!

jbebeb:

initially, i thought i'd divide the employers into two separate groups - the Chinese and expats. but after talking to some Chinese and Westerner employers, i found that the difference in their way of treating their DHs is more down to personal than cultural differences. i thought of categorizing the employers according to their place/area of residence but i reckon it's not worth it because it's going to take only a third of one of my five articles so...


TC: I've actually tried to gauge employer's opinion through this forum. but the thing is, i'll need to quote the employers and so i'm not sure if i can erm... take their words from here.


but in any case, thanks for your advice!

jbebeb,

I'm sure there are some cultural differences at work because, afterall, we are talking about two or more different cultures here. there are certain things when Chinese employers and their Western counterparts just won't agree on. for instance, some Chinese employers are very particular in what their DH should do at exactly what time of day, while this is relatively rare in exapats' families. originally, i thought the expats would tend to treat their DHs as their family member rather than drawing a distinct line between employer and employee in the household, but this is not as common as i'd expected after talking to some expats her ein Hong Kong. maybe it is, as you suggested, the economic and social origins that give rise to such a difference?

bambi:

if you ever need to interview a dh im willing.. :D


i am working for a chinese family..

Bambibeanie ~


I do not consider my DH to be a member of the family at all, and I even consider it unwise to take this approach. My DH is a respected and valued employee, but she's an individual apart from us and has her separate room, separate bathroom, own food and she wouldn't dream of borrowing one of my books off my bookshelf or taking some of my food. The only time she eats with us is when we are dining out somewhere.


On the other hand, different people have different interpretations of the phrase "treating one's DH as a member of the family". I'd bet you that there are loads of people who treat their helper much the same as I do and tell all their friends that they consider the helper to be part of their family. In fact, I get the feeling some people use this phrase when all they really mean is that they are kind and not harsh to their DH.


My own opinion is that it is better not to get too close. My DH is not my friend, she's not a family member, she's my employee and we both have to always remember that in order for this relationship to work out. People who get too close, almost always with good intentions, usually run into problems. The most common one is that the DH will get confused / misled and her expectations will exceed what the employer is willing to provide / allow. It does work out in a few cases but they tend to be few and far between.


I like the DH I have now as a person and she's a good helper. I think if an employer gets too close to the DH (of course I mean the female employer, trying to be 'friends' etc) it will probably end in trouble and the helper will be the one who loses her job and ultimately gets hurt. I don't want this to happen to my DH. So we maintain a distance, everyone knows where they stand, we're happy with her service and she's happy because she's got a good steady job, she's appreciated and she knows that so long as she keeps going the way she is now we won't terminate her within, like, the next 20 years!


FYI: we are a biracial expat family - I'm British, hubby is Mainland Chinese, we have 2 small kiddies. I won't post my income up here, but I will say we rent a 1,400 sq ft flat in Pokfulam, and that is in keeping with our financial position.


Good luck with your dissertation and do put it on the internet for us to read when you're done. Then we can enjoy all the pleasure of reading our own comments in your work!

persephone,

in fact, yes, it'd be just brilliant if I can interview you through e-mail or whatever ways you prefer! please contact me through the e-mail address below if you are not having second thoughts^^


Snow Rose,

Thanks a bunch for giving me a piece of your mind. Actually, I am thinking of quoting you for my article (my dissertation is divided into three 3000-word articles) on employers of DHs and I hope you don't mind? Is Snow Rose your real name? Would you mind giving me your surname (you can e-mail me)?


my e-mail address: bambibeanie@hotmail.com

bambibeanie,



Do you speak Cantonese?



My reason for asking is that your suggestion that locals and expats treat their DH in a similar manner is counter-intuitive. Therefore, I wonder whether the locals you have spoken to so far are Westernised/English speaking locals (such as the many Chinese users of this forum), rather than "typical" locals (very few of whom would speak enough English to do a meaningful interview in English).



Also, perhaps one could deduce something from the large number of ads posted by DH in any MidLevels supermarket seeking a European (read: "white") employer; I don't recall ever having seen a lady specifically seeking a local Chinese employer... you might want to talk to one or two of those DH about their reasons for phrasing their ads as they did.

Burgundy,

interesting point you've raised there about some DHs intentionally looking for "white" employers. While i don't have to be this specific in my dissertation, it's certainly a good idea to touch on this point.

Yes, i speak Cantonese. in fact, i was brought up in an environment where FDHs are seen or talked about negatively - not within my own family though. So yeah, i sussed from an early age on that Chinese people have this distinct master-servant mentality.

will try my luck at the MidLevels supermarket^^

cheers~

I have worked as a child carer in the domestic setting............not as a dh but as a nanny/au pair.

I would like to make it clear that you don't want to be part of someone else's 'family' as you have your own. Also you don't want to be best of friends as you still want to be professional enough that if problems need ironing out, then you can do so without jepordising a friendship.

As a carer you of course want to fit in with the family and their beliefs and values but this is where it ends.

Quote:"Some (not all) locals make their DH wear a uniform which is something I personally have never heard of expats doing it."


This is a very interesting comment. Our DH wears a uniform. Why? There are many reasons for and against the list can go on forever. It's like the old argument for/against school uniforms for children.


I believe many problems between DH and employer's are caused by the "fuzzy" relationship that now exists in household- are they a family member etc. Wearing a uniform during working hours makes it clear that it is an employer-employee relationship. The employee knows that they have to respect the rules of laid down and the employer knows that they equally have to treat the DH as employees and not slaves. When the DH is not in uniform I don't expect her to help as it is her own time.


"Oh..it's demeaning" someone might say. No it's not. What about the police/ambulance/hotel staff/airhostesses/nurses? They could equally turn up to work wearing hotpants and a teeshirt and do their job - but they don't, the public expects a uniform as they are professionals. Likewise DHs are also trained professionals (by reputable agencies in their home country).


Let's have some more thoughts....

What shall they wear, do you think?