Re: Helper made $2200 IDD calls- Forgive?

My helper used the mobile phone that I gave her for use when grocery shopping and made IDD calls over $2200 (including overseas calls and SMS). She told me she had used the calling cards to make the overseas calls and I thought she was speaking the truth so I sought for records from calling card companies and claimed there was fault in their debit system. I did allow her to make occasional local calls with friends.

She strongly denied knowing how to make IDD calls at first but I soon discovered all were lies. I was like a fool seeking for evidence to support her claim for almost a month.(Though it was rather my fault because I forgot to bar the IDD). She agreed to pay but our relationship got worse.

Since she has no mobile of her own, she now uses my landline for maybe two hours or so when we are out. I once had to call the management to ring our bell so she would stop but it just wouldn't work. Now my bottom line was to let her call for a maximum of 5 minutes.

I have tried hard enough to forgive her if those IDD calls were due to family matters but obviously they were all to her boyfriend.

She has a habit of finishing the snacks and ice-cream from our fridge. I have no problem about sharing but emptying the shelves herself without leaving at least maybe a few for us is far too unreasonable.

She is not particularly outstanding with her work (can't cook and has a poor knowledge of hygiene after working with me for almost ten months) and can't speak English either. Thought she had a quiet personality.

It seems to me that you need to set some boundaries for your helper. How long have you had her? The longer she's been working for you like this, the harder it's going to be to change things now.


It's such a pity because experiences like this are what cause employers to be less generous & relaxed with their helpers than they would like to be.


For example, not long ago I wrote in another thread about how I keep my helper's food totally separate from my family's. I'm sure some people didn't agree with my approach (and I totally respect their opinion) but my reason is simply that I want to avoid the problem you're facing. Not just the inability to share nicely on the part of the helper, but also the bad feeling / lack of trust that that creates.


If I were you I'd be a bit stricter. It's in your helper's interests as well as yours because, from the sound of it, if things keep going the way they are, she might end up being terminated and then have no job and no reference.


If I were you I would give her a food allowance and not let her share any of your stuff. I'd also tell her she can't use your phone at all (except in an emergency).


Lastly, I think you need to deal with the dishonesty. She needs to know that it's unacceptable to lie to you. Good luck!

She has worked with me for almost ten months. I'd told her the IDD calls she made is enough to buy her a return ticket to Indonesia. I said if she was so desperate to see her boyfriend then why don't we just terminate the contract, but she insisted to stay.

I have had helpers who were terminated due to loans, theft, and this, unauthorised use of IDD - this is all about dishonesty. I am still stupid enough to believe there might be good ones out there.

if i were you, i will get rid of her - and fast too. if the trust is gone, everything goes downhill from there. i am sure there are good ones out there - maybe not a lot. good luck.

My previous helper did the very same thing, calling her sister in Japan. The reason she gave was that her sister is pregnant and she's very lonely in Japan because her husband is working and no one is home with her..

But I told my helper she can call her sister on her own mobile phone not from my home line ( I had to pay very big amount for her calls)

Soon after that I blocked my IDD line and only unlocked it when I want to use it.

She was very m ad at me for locking the idd but she has no right to be angry since I allowed her to call her mother and her husband on my home line and we paid for it!!

Your better choice is to block your IDD or get rid of her soon!!

No point keeping any employee you don't trust, whether it's a DH or a line manager.

Thanks for all your kind comments. The helper does NOT have to take them for a walk because I do it in the evening myself, she would just have to feed them and bathe them once or twice a month. The dilemma for me is that I have three dogs to be "looked after" (don't take it literally - just means they don't make a mess) while my husband and I go to work. So I can't just fire her immediately. I have tolerated her behaviour because she has the love for the dogs at least.

There are many women looking for jobs. Give this one a month's notice, and start interviewing. And this time before you sign contracts, give the new helper a list of household rules that she must follow. When I started my own job I was given a handbook full of info and rules - I had to sign to confirm I'd received it. So now I have to follow the rules if I want to keep my job. Simple. Do the same for your helper.