the silent treatment

I think it's more a language thing than cultural thing (well, unless you link the two together as one thing).


I talked to my helpers and understood that English is a subject that they study as mandatory in school, but it's really a second language.

So, for them to be speaking and conversing in ENGLISH completely all the time in HK is already a new challenge for many helpers from Philppines.


I think many helpers are quite passive, and seems like yours like that.


My second helper is also VERY good, but also quiet and non responsive quite often. I just tell her and ask her " Do you understand me?" Or can you repeat what I just asked you ?" b/c it avoids much mis-communication this way.


My second helper now is with us for over 1 year, she openly asks me sometimes, " I don't know what it's called Ma'am.... she describes it or tells me what she needs... then I help her find the English word, and then she tries to remember it next time.


For example, she wanted to cook Loofah.... she doesn't know the name in English, she keeps saying this word in Tagalog to me... until she found a recipe book with the photo in it, then she asked me, whether my baby can eat that! I appreciate her efforts. She kept repeating the word to herself again and again afterwards.


Regarding not responding to you, it's probably a confidence thing and just natural human nature to avoid saying anything b/c it's a foreign language nevertheless.


The important thing is, after you tell her something to do or some change... does she do it?


Just ask her politely, "(her name), can you please reply to me yes, or no, when I ask you something b/c I have no idea whether you heard me or not. " She should respond to you, " Ok, ma'am"....

I'm not convinced that it's a language thing. Our (generally excellent) helper goes very silent and stoney faced whenever I ask her to do something differently. It is usually something tiny, but I think that it's a pride thing. I can see where she is coming from - she is a much better cook than me, so I can understand why she might question my judgement. It does irritate me when it relates to the chidren though.

Yes, agree, NOT a language thing, and certainly nothing to do with accents. If you ask her to do something differently she is taking it as an implied criticism of what she did before. Just ask her (firmly and directly) if she has understood you, and after a few times she will get the message. And crack down on it now, becasue it will start with the size of milk she buys and end up with her working hours or the way she raises your children.

Oooh, I forgot. It starts with the silent treatment and then progresses to tears. Be prepared...

I agree with geiboyi ... I think it's more likely to do with the fact that she perhaps feels you are criticising her. With my helper, if I ask her (always nicely!) to do something differently, she tends to blush and seems very embarrassed, even if it's just a simple thing ... which in turn makes me feel guilty for asking her in the first place!! I think as long as you ask her properly, and you know she understands what it is you want her to do, then I wouldn't worry about ... just remember to say thank you to her afterwards so she knows she done the right thing.

Hi, I had a similar helper that i put up for a while. No open communication, no talks, no replies...so i can understand how you feel. I think it could be cultural and to some extent attitude related as well. I have expressed my concerns many many times (believe it...so many times- many a times politely, sometimes firmly and sometimes even expressed my frustration) but still no change, whatsoever. My view is if she is nice and she does her job, seriously dont worry too much. Just accept that she will remain so and forget it. May be she does not like confrontation and she feels by answering you, she is being confrontational?


But if she does not follow your instructions, then tell her and give her a warning. She is not working for free. What i always feared is that she will pass on the same stone faced attitude to my kids as she never showed any genuine affection (i am sure she did like my kids as she brought up one from birth literally). Sometimes silence may be the right answer to silence. Just keep your distance and maintain minimum communication.