Posted by
nicky2
18 yrs ago
We allow our helper (25yo) to spend Saturday night “at friend’s place”. Last weekend my friends were at a Wan Chai bar-restaurant and saw her there: short skirt, tiny top, high hills, make-up, etc.. She was at a bar with a drunk Westerner.
I don’t know how to react. I don’t have reasons not to believe my friends. At the same time, my helper looks very decent and generally shy when in my home. Any ideas?
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I beg to disagree, it is a fair question nifty is asking there and I will probably drop a stone in the perfect pond most would like life to be: it is to be expected that nifty's friends even smoothed down the picture not too give her too strong of a choc. In the past I had a DH whose behavior was good, only problem is she was complaining after parties at our place our friends were too rowdy and too "flirty" with each others in public place and it was embarrassing her to serve at parties in such condition. However a few months later she did take my 3 year old daughter for lunch in a Wanchai boarding house for DH, my daughter came back from there with a tendancy to perfom unclothed veil dances behind the bedrooms curtains, we had therefore to dismiss our DH: at the moment of her departure when she was packing her stuff, appeared a box filled with 4 stars hotels amenities she had collected during Sunday's "extras" freelance with drunken westerners...
Just ask yourself what your employer (bank, trading company etc) would do if you are making extra during office off hours? would they say, fair enough, it's during her/his off hours? I dont think so. Talk to your friends and ask them their inner feeling about what your DH was up to when they saw her, then make the decision you are most comfortable with.
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JWM, I did not write the DH in question was "working" in Wanchai, It might be the case, as it might not be, Nicky to find out and decide. And i still mainatin my above recommandations.
This put aside, I would appreciate you keep your judgement towards me to yourself: I am an hard working single mother of 2, have under contract the same DH for over 8 years, she is earning 50% more than the minimum legal, she had an official girlfriend, and this is of no problem with me. Believe me she would not go working somewhere else and she is not treated/considered like a slave, far from it, she is part of our small family.
Ever considered life is not black or white?
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Cara,green, agree with you, I have also a few Wanchai T-shirts in my closet, no problems with that :-)
For my 3 years old, well this was way long ago, no such video at that time, anyway, we got the full story directly from our DH back then, she was chatting with some friends and my daughter wandered off the corridor, a door was not correctly closed and she spied on one of the girl and her visiting 'friend", the DH found her mesmerized at the entrance of a room and enjoying the show i guess. She is now an healthy teenager who is laughing of the story when it is told. But imagine how wrong it could have turned.
It is not anyway the purpose of this thread, I am not condamning a DH visiting Wanchai, we all do. Even the outfit is not in itself a problem, however the company of a drunken Westerner is worrysome. My present DH goes to wanchai, so do many of her friends, i even stumble on them some nights, but they stay most of the time among themselves (Cinta), indeed enjoying their time off and blowing off the steam. But they do not mingle with drunken Westerner as those are in Wanchai for getting an easy lay, and are avoided by most of the non working girls.
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read my above post JWM, story 100% as it happened, from the mouth of my then DH. be shocked.
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Quite a few of the bars in Wanchai pay the girls a commission on each drink that the "Drunken Westerners" buy them. This can be up to HK$50 per drink and there is hardly any alcohol in them. So a lot of DH's spend a few hours in the bars and make quite a good bit of additional pocket money. And yes some of them will do more than just take a few drinks.
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july8
18 yrs ago
Let her live!!
this is a helper not a Nun!
it should not be none of your buisness what she does on her day off.
But if you really can't cope with the idea that she is having some fun...find someone else..if I were 25 I would go and have some fun tooo!
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Actually, my main concern is not what she does, but what consequences it may bring alone. For example, my DH takes care of my baby when I am at work. One day we were out, my baby dropped her pacifier, we did not have another one or water or anything to disinfect it, but the baby wanted her pacifier back. So, my DH told me:” Mam, it’s OK if you just lick it and give it back to the baby. In Philippines mothers always do this. “
I would not do something like this because it’s not hygienic. But it occurred to me that she might do the same when I am not around. Now, knowing that she MAY do inappropriate things when she is out at night, I am just horrified to imagine all sorts of diseases she MAY get and MAY pass on my child!
My thread has got nothing to do with her having fun. It’s a thread of a worried mother. Anyway, thanks for replies.
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Being a domestic helper is not the most glamorous job, maybe she just wanted to feel sexy and attractive on her night out.
It's her day off. She is entitled to do what she pleases as long as it doesn't endanger your children.
She's behaving like any other 25 woman. If you're not happy, then perhaps you should hire someone who is in her late 30s and early 40s, already married and with kids.
the six million dollar question is" what were your friends doing in wanchai in the first place?"
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mdap
18 yrs ago
Come on it is HER DAY OFF. She is scrubs your loo, washes your dirty clothes, does your dishes, irons, carries etc etc. On her day off she wants to feel alive and dresses up in a way that makes HER HAPPY. If she catches a gweilo who rescues her GOOD LUCK. It worked for Rose Porteus. A maid is not a slave ... she is real and wants to be happy too. A short skirt, a smile and a gweilo does not make her a whore !
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Nifty,
Your friends are pretty low and gutless to report her to you.
Did they let her know they had observed her?
Did she look embarrassed when she saw them?
If you even consider firing her on heresay from your friends and overspecualting it would not be very nice.
Can there be any link between her with a drunken westerner and your child contracting a disease?
DH have as much right as the next person to feel like a normal human being every once in awhile and if she likes to look attractive and perhaps attracts someone and eventually doesn't need to clean dunnies for a living then why not.
Out of curiosity, do people expect single DH in HK to never have boyfriends, go on dates, have normal natural desires/aspirations, or should their sole duty in HK be to work hard until they are old and no one is interested in them anymore?
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I know this is a late reply but I was just reading the post.
I think DH should be able to have fun and relax on their day off.
However, there needs to be, and this is the difficult part, a balance between this and "unacceptable" behaviour. Why?
As employers, we have a unique situation here in HK, where our contractual obligation means that we are ultimately responsible for this DH. This means providing not only salary BUT:
- food or food allowance
- medical expenses
- shelter of some sort
It's not a normal employment contract that most of us are on. If anything happens to the DH, we are responsible ie. they get medical attention, sent home if need be etc.
of course, this assumes we don't pay below wages and exploit the DH etc.
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