Posted by
ubermom
18 yrs ago
I recently hired a domestic helper to take care of my new born girl. She is a pleasant lady and very polite to me. But, when it comes to my husband, she seems to be extraordinarily friendly and giggly. I know that Filipinas tend to be friendly people. But, the way she treats my husband somehow makes me feel that she's trying to flirt with him.
I'm new to domestic helper. Are domestic helpers are usually that friendly and giggly? Can anyone advise?
Please support our advertisers:
I would really keep an eye on this one. NO, the helper is supposed to "logically" and "be smart" about her behaviours when around "sir". Especially dressing appropriately, talking appropriately, and behaving appropriately.
Too many horror stories regarding helper and "sir".
Is she very young? Married? and how is your husband interacting with her?
Be very careful.
Please support our advertisers:
like katetam questions,is ur dh young?she is married?well,the other thing is,do u feel that ur husband have a something act sometimes....im sure u can feel that cause he is ur husband...well be careful....cause sometimes other pilipina,although they friend have a bf or husband is europian,they can flirts on them....i have a some expereince thats why,be careful...i hope that ur husband is behave...???
Please support our advertisers:
I'd be very wary of this DH. My friend's family was broken up by a DH who treated "sir" very well. Needless to say, the DH is now with "sir".
Please support our advertisers:
I would nip that in the bud straight away. I mean who wants to be at home and have some woman flirting with your husband in front of you and your kids.
I would
a) Get your husband to say "I do not think that is is appropriate for you to laugh and giggle with me in that way as you are an employee"
or
b) Get her face to face with yourself and say "Why are you flirting with my husband, it is inappropriate".
Personally I would fire her as NO ONE is going to upset the harmony in my house, but understand you may want to fix the problem.
Please support our advertisers:
Better talk to your husband about it, that you've noticed something different about the giggles of your DH when she is talking to him. Warned your husband of your flirt DH. Also talk to your DH politely that it is not ethical giggling in front of "sir". Show to your DH that you are not jealous , you just noticed that she has no "delicadesa" ( i don't know the English term for it),it means that she is not behaving properly.
Please support our advertisers:
I'm afraid if it was me i'd find a new helper,i wouldn't want anyone around who made me feel uncomfortable in anway in my own home. And i cerainly wouldn't want someone who had designs on my husband. Even if you talk o her it doesn't mean she wont do it when your not there.
Please support our advertisers:
Nuri
18 yrs ago
I think your DH lacks common sense. If she was at least a little bit smart she'd never do it. Especially in front of you.
Please support our advertisers:
We do not have/need a full time helper but I am married to a filipina and spent a lot of time at our home in the Phils. We have a housekeeper there who is very giggly but with everybody not just me. I have noticed that a lot of the younger women here are actually very shy and giggling can cover this to some extent. My wife says to me not to get bothered about it and that is sort of normal especially when they are around foriegners who they often make them feel intimidated(giggling helps here again). If your maid is quite young or new to HK, possibly a church goer or just fairly innocent and not worldly wise then this might be normal and she may not know it is upsetting you. Of course she may be exactly as others have suggested and looking for a passport to a better life. You might try talking with her about what is innappropriate behaviour in this setting.
Please support our advertisers:
Beware,I had known few DH got pregnant by "Sir".Few years ago I heard one of our neighboring building has recieved a letter from each mail box says" beware of filipina grabbing a husband" not sure if its true but I heard it from my helper.
Please support our advertisers:
I agree that it's possible that she is nervous with your husband. There have been a number of helpers I've interviewed who laughed and giggled their way through interviews with me which I put down to nerves. They didn't get through the interview so I never got to see what they were like in a domestic situation but, like Green's helper, my helpers have always been a bit timid around my husband. Does she seem comfortable in these situations?
Please support our advertisers:
I kind of agree with Freddy and I have had experience with genuinely nervour giggly DH and guinuinely flirty/giggly DH. 3 years ago, I had a Philp DH,who is excellent in keeping our home in order, but very flirty. At first, I didn't bother, because I always thought that it was to cover up her shyness. I also didn't think to much as I didn't want my husband to think that I'm an insecure wife and jealous for nothing. Furthermore, he didn't complaint to me at that time. So I just brushed it off until it was almost out of hand. I just had my first child and this DH helped me to take care of the child when I was taking a rest. I noticed that this DH will always hang around the living room or door every evening when my husband was coming home. She would rushed to the door and make sure that she opened the door first to let my husband in. Then as my husband likes to rest on the sofa (a two seater)for a while before shower or dinner,she would sit with my husband chatting away and giggling and sometimes while holding my baby!Most of the time, I never get the chance to open the door when my husband came back and often times I had to sit on another sofa since this DH sat on the 2 seater sofa with my husband. At first my husband was full of praise, saying she is very friendly and polite and very good etc,etc and I didn't comment much. I told him that I think it is not appropriate for a DH to sit together and that I should be the one that should be sitting with him. He said that I was jealous and insecure why would he be interested in this DH, and I stopped complaining. One day, she was a bit too close with my husband, and my husband felt uncomfortable and with that incident it really opened his eyes. Sometimes men are not sensitive to these things. I think in general most men like to be treated nicely, and having a friendly and warm DH is a pleasant thing especially when they are so stress out and tired at work. He then immediately told me that he thinks the DH was trying to flirt with him and I told him that I was trying to tell him all this while and he wouldn't listen. So, we terminated her immediately after that, as we felt that she was unsuitable for us. After a few trial and error, we finally found a good DH, not perfect(nobody is perfect) but very honest and is very good carer to my child.
Please support our advertisers:
now I remember this story about a very young filipina maid who seduced a 60 years old rich employer, apparently the young got, and now enjoying a lot of good life with a 60 years old white guy.
Beware! it happens all the time....
Please support our advertisers:
One thing I have found during my working life is that "pretty girls" can often get away with doing bugger all at the workplace. I used to share a secretary with this guy in Singapore and she did 5% for me, 95% for him. She got away with it for ages and then I complained. She sat in the office with our HR Director and told how she felt picked on and battered her eyelashes. She said how she does x,y and z for me. I then asked her to go to her desk and produce the work she had done for me over the past week, to which she could not. The moral of the story is, if you want your house clean and your shirts ironed properly and you don't want your husband getting used to being flirted with to get him on her side then pick a helper (and a Secretary) with a face like the back end of a bus.
Please support our advertisers:
My husband is not and old guy, just an average joe white guy, I think we shouldn't have this prejudice against DH, every women from different races would want a good life whether material or healthy and happy life that is up to the individual. I wouldn't want a DH that have a face like the back end of the bus, it is too obvious as my husband would say that I'm insecure. Besides, I would feel sorry for my daughter having to look at the DH everyday. I wouldn't say that I would find a prettier than me DH, but I settled for a pleasant enough helper to look at and a good house cleaner & carer for my daughter. I cook for the family everyday and do my own washing, so I expect my DH to do her part well.BTW, we have a friend (he's german) that have a partner who according to my husband and friends do not have the slightest physical attraction on her. Most of my husband's friends including himself could not understand what or where the attraction is (sex maybe, I said). He is tall, good looking and pleasant while she is short, fat, and ugly. At present, they live in the Philippines. So, moral of the story is, hiring a DH that look like the end to the bus does not necessarily guarantees a 'temptation free' household.
Please support our advertisers:
I know it pays off to read before posting but I must admit I don't have that much time although, as a helper I feel and see the need to reply to some of the replies here after a quick read.
However, to Ubermom, let's forget how old or how young she is, we all should know that "older" women are more in touch with their sensuality and sexuality compared to the younger ones. How would you distinguish the difference between her over friendliness towards your husband with her politeness to you? Does she "behaves" like this even when you are around or only when she thinks you are not looking? Do you think SIR is capable of having an affair with the hired help? If so, What do you think are the determining factors that will make SIR more interested towards her, aside from sheer foolishness? In this case, isnāt sir is the problem here and not the helper?
Whether the ā threatā is real or imagined, we all know that it happened, is happening and will happen again . At the end of the day, you are still the lady of the house and it is your duty to protect your home , not to mention your marriage. What could be a purely innocent and even non-sexual āfondnessā your helper MAY have towards your husband, if it makes you feel uncomfortable , you have to make a decision and let her go. In case that you are wrong, that is something that you have to answer to yourself. After all, we , helpers are here because we families to care for. And in most case grow to feel/think of our employers as our surrogate parents.
Pay her what she is entitled to, by law and I hope , in the event that you are not really sure that something is going on, you will give her good enough release letter so she could find another employment . After all, you yourself said she is pleasant and seems like you have no complains to her as a worker.
Please support our advertisers:
Mrs. Miggins Was pretty face fired? If not then the HR Director should be fired.
And btw, I have a face that looks like the end of the bus and was in a situation where it was my word againts pretty, sexy girl..I got away with it because I have something that prety girl did not have-- HONESTY and principle to stand for myself when I know I am right.
Moral of the story? Dignity could not be measured by one's lack or abundance of beauty.
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail