Posted by
Kat22mick
18 yrs ago
I intend to sign with a new DH. She has a request, that is to take her annual leave earlier i.e. 6 months after employment as she needs to reunite with her husband who works overseas. At first I thought it would be ok as long as I can find help for those 2 weeks as I have a few young children. Then our friends remind me that there would be a problem if she comes back pregnant especially if she is to see her husband. Any suggestions here?
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That would be a problem to your friend, will it be to you too? I'm sorry to ask ( I hope it won't come across as impertinent) it's just that I have a friend who works for a family with three children and became pregnant ( she was single when she signed the contract) and it was ok with her employers.
That fear may or may not happen but yes, I could understand your concern. From a helper's point of view, it will sadden me to know that someone will lose a possible job due to some " hiccups" that may never happen after all.
May I suggest you ask from her ( and I hope she would be honest ) what her and her husbands plan are as far as having children. Tell her YOUR concerns and see what she has to say. Most, if not all helpers that I know of are wary of getting pregnant too, for they know how difficult it would be especially in case where there are kids to look after.
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mrsl
18 yrs ago
Our helper's been home 4 times in under a year (10 weeks in total) and has not come back pregnant. She already has two children. It would not be a problem for us if she decided to have a third, once we were not expected to look after it. There would be some logistics to handle and she may choose to go home indefinitely if she did have a third child, but that's a chance you take whenever you employ a woman.
Only you can decide whether it would be too disruptive for you. The only 'safe' way around it would be to employ a much older woman.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
It would not seem unreasonable for someone to want to see their husband or wife once in awhile.
IF she gets pregnant so be it, just like you.
You can't dsicriminate because someone might get pregnant.
The ONLY question is would it be conveneint for you if she were to have her holiday early?
You may wish to consider upgrading your friends - that comment of theirs was ignorant and nasty.
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maxis
18 yrs ago
MissP
The poster makes no mention of lies, dishonesty or the like.
The poster merely comments that her friends warned her that the helper might get pregnant if she was allowed to see her husband.
Of course she could! Of course any wife could at any time. Her friends' comments are ignorant and nasty.
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Nuri
18 yrs ago
A friend's helper became pregnant and her pregnancy isn't very easy. She is sick at least once a week, sometimes twice. Each time she said she couldn't work due to morning sickness, abdominal pain, dizziness and so on. Fair enough because mum's know what pregnancy may be like. Interesting though, she never fell sick for her own Sunday-off.
Well, for my friend it became a nightmare because she and husband work full-time and there are two young kids at home. Her husband works as a teacher in a local school. He can not have days-off and sick-leaves are limited. She has to take days-off and sick leaves from her own work to be there when the DH feels unwell. It ended up with my frined's boss saying something like "you take more days-off than you work" and hints about not coping with her job. My friend can not afford to quit job. The DH's pregnancy put her in an extremelly unpleasant position.
The DH is in the 15th month of employment now. She said she'd resign and go to Phil only if my friend pays her 9 months salary in leiu! This my friend can not afford either.
So, every situation is different. You can't judge somebody for worring about a DH to becoming pregnant.
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And there's nothing you can do about your DH becoming pregnant either. You can't tell her what to do on holidays! If she has a boyfriend when she's back in the PH's, it's nothing to do with you! It's a pitfall of being an employer, remember most of your employers have to go through the same thing if you are pregnant!
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Nuri
18 yrs ago
Evildeeds, allow me to disagree. The employers you mention do not have young kids who are dependant on an adults'/DH's care and supervision.
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keep it simple
if you are really concerned, find another helper to hire
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I can't understand why some people enjoy attacking others. We just want listen to your views. Perhaps we clarify some points first.
1) DH is not entitled to take 2 weeks holiday until they worked a full 2 years. This new DH wants to take 2 weeks after only 6 months? We don't mind to do her a favor but just don't want to get penalised for being nice. I don't mind to take that chance if she had worked for us for a contact.
2) She is in her 30s and she has told us she wants to have children in a few year time. However, can I trust her that she will really wait that long? She only gets to see her husband once every 2 years.
Maxis, I am not asking for your comment about my friends so please keep your ignorant and nasty comments to yourself! Thanks. We don't discriminate or stop her from getting pregnant. Our friends know the situation in our family. It is not a 'hiccup. It will be disastrous for me as Nuri indicated. There is no issue about discrimination. We just want to re-consider about our kindness, if it is going to pay or bring us problem at the end of the day. Are you a DH, Maxis? Why do you need to downgrade our friends?
Tks tsuiwah....we are on the right track. I think I will discuss my concern with the helper, like what souffleQueen suggested.
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mrsl
18 yrs ago
Kat22mick,
Our helper took her first break within a week of starting because we were going home for the summer and there wasno point in her being here alone when she did not even know the house, area etc.
If you are comfortable with her taking her holiday so quickly, just be sure that she understands that this is her allowance used up and get her to sign something to that effect.
Even if you do trust her to hold off for a few years on starting a family, accidents happen. Only you know whether you are comfortable with finding a new helper if she does start now and has to leave you to go home and look after a baby. Like I said, it would not be a problem for us, but our helper is really just a housekeeper (I do not work), she does minimal childcare, so it would not be too disruptive if we had to replace her. Every family's circumstances are different.
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Nuri, you are right, they don't. But employers, even yours, have to make changes to allow for pregnant workers who they rely on for other tasks. Small business owners are hit even harder than parents whose DH gets pregnant. Been there, done that. Maybe I should have asked my staff not to spend time with their husbands? Do you really think they would have been happy with that? Would you?
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maxis
18 yrs ago
Kat22Mick,
Firstly, if you re-read your original post, you will note you have freinds who have got the wind up you regarding your helper getting pregnant and that inconveincing you.
Now, anything could happen to her when on a holiday - she could get ill or decide not to come back.
then only question is whether you ar prepared to let her have her holidays early - that's it!
As accurately stated by evildeeds, anyone can get pregnant anytime. Fathers take paternity leave often for a month once their wife has a baby, and let me tell you it can be a very large inconvenience for their employer!
A solution could be only to ever employ infertle people or people whose persuasion is same-gender relationships, if you wanted to ensure an employee never became pregnant.
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Maxis, my friend did not stir up anything. She knows I don't even want to get pregnant myself with several kids. Why should I hire a new DH who ask me for a big favour before she even starts to work? I can't believe you are still carrying on with your accusations about my friends? Fancy suggesting absurd solution i.e. employ infertile people...bla bla bla. This forum is being abused by some very frustrated people or DH.
Of course all the female employees have the right to get pregnant, otherwise what is my ground to be concerned? I am only re-considering if I should let my new helper take leave in advance, NOT that she cannot get pregnant. Can you see the point?
Besides, I talked to our potential new DH already. She agreed not to take holiday in advance if she were to sign with me.
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So she has to forgo her bi-annual reunion with her husband?
Have a heart
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I really don't think it's too much to ask to have a break to see her husband after 6 months of working for you, we all know what HK immigration say the min requirements are that you provide your DH but surely we all also know that this really is very min and I believe allot of us provide better terms and conditions to our much valued helpers. I can’t imagine only getting 1 week a year off so it’s no different for my helper.
If your only concern is, is it a reasonable request then I would think the answer was very obvious and that you will agree the holiday. I notice however that she will not be taking the break after all which seems a great shame. She may agree it with you but you can be sure it’s not what she wants or she would of never asked in the first place.
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Kat22Mick
When we had our first helper, we decided to go on home leave only three months after she started working. She then returned to her home in the Ph's. Apparently that was quite out in the countryside so she wanted to have at least 2 weeks of holidays. According to her contract she has only the right of 2 weeks holiday in 2 years and therefore we decided to give her ONE week (paid holiday). Actually we allowed her to stay more than 2 weeks but the rest was unpaid. She was in her 20's and we knew the risk about her getting pregnant. Before she left we had an open talk about it and explained her that it would be a problem/inconvenient for us if she returned pregnant. She told us that she is very well aware of our situation and that she is willing to work for some more years in HK before actually having a family. I am glad we trusted her that time as she came back and continued to work well in our home.
Therefore I recommend to talk openly and make her aware of what it would mean to your family if she became pregnant. Trust your heart whether she's honest about it or not but be firm in explaining to her what it means for her to become pregnant and continue to work full time.
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