DH's Birthday - What's Customary

New to HK and I don't know what the customs are. Our DH's birthday is next week and I want to do something nice to acknowledge it. What is customary - cash, gift, time off? If cash, how much? Thanks for your advice.

We're getting almost the same with Cara's helper. But it's a month's pay and some blings when it's with a big ZERO.


Anything would be appreciated, again more for the thoughfulness. Maybe a surprise birthday cake ( before or after her off if you could allow her) would be great.

We give a card with $200 or $300 in.

We gave ours a card with $500, a little Body Shop gift set, a bottle of wine and a cake (but we gave her that on the Saturday after the actual birthday as she had the weekend off to spend with her friends).

We gave ours a dVD player which we knew she wanted I think it cost arond $400. If your DH is new to you dont go overboard on spending a lot but perhaps increase your spending as you get to know her.

Once employed for over a year, we give 500 and a hand written card with a nice note... the personal touch means a lot.


If we just hired her, I would be more likely to give a phone card for 200 or 250, and a hand written card.


Also appreciated are things like a framed photo of her with your kids if you have one - I know that our maid always loved that and showed us ones from her previous family.


Hope that helps

We give ours the day off and $500 plus a cake and a card.

Does your boss give you money, cake and the day off for your birthday. I'm not saying its wrong for people to give all that they do, its up to you, I just don't understand why people feel its so different to normal employer/employee relationships.

Because it's more " personal", CD.


Your boss don't know how you like your eggs, so to speak. They don't look after your precious little ones nor do they make you chicken soup when you are sick. But you are right, to a certain degree. It's not compulsory so that extra little something speaks highly of what kind of an employer you are.


Kindness begets kindness, so in return we do buy her pressie for her b-day, on Christmas, Mother's day etc...( silver frames, potted orchids, home delivered flowers etc). Not because we have to but because we want to and she deserves it. And we're happy to see her bright smile and her thank you hugs.

Souffle Queen, out of curiosity, do you thank your employer for gifts etc? If so, do you actually use the words 'thank you' or is it implied? I ask because I have never heard the words from my DH and many people say that it is a cultural thinkg (I am assuming that you are Filipina too, I may be wrong).


I am trying to figure out whether (a) I am not being generous enough; (b) she figures each gift, flight home, in-room phone, tv, dvd etc, extra day off (she's had 11 weeks off in under a year), Christmas bonus, birthday gift (including gifts for her children's birthdays) is just seen as something that she is due anyway, like salary; (c) I am being taken for granted or (d) she is rude.


I am not expecting thank you cards, or for her to be beside herself with gratitude, just some indication that she knows that she is appreciated etc. I would genuinely appreciate your input. Many thanks.

cd, Do you or your partner live with your boss? I think it's fairly straight forward that it's not a normal boss employee situation.

I also think most of us appreciate that our helpers often work very long hours for very low/moderate salaries (in comparison to hours worked) so we like to be kind on special occasions and offer bonuses to show out appreciation for there hard work.

Mrs, sorry for the delayed response. I've been busy with my projects :) Please find my responses in Capitals .


Souffle Queen, out of curiosity, do you thank your employer for gifts etc? -- ALL THE TIME. NOT JUST FOR THE GIFTS AND THE PAY RISE(S) , BUT ALSO WHEN SHE HAS TO HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME ( US), WHEN SHE CALLED IF THERE WERE CHANGES TO OUR PLANS , ETC..ETC..


If so, do you actually use the words 'thank you'- -YES. ALL THE TIME, PLUS HUGS AND KISSES ( CHEEK TO CHEEK), GIRLY GIGGLES WHEN UNWRAPPING AND A SINCERE "THANK YOU", NO MATTER HOW BIG OR SMALL THE PRESENT WERE.


or is it implied? I ask because I have never heard the words from my DH and many people say that it is a cultural thinkg (I am assuming that you are Filipina too, I may be wrong). YES I AM A FILIPINA . TO SAY IT IS A CULTURAL THINKING COULD BE RIGHT, BUT WAS TOLD DIFFERENTLY. I HAVE YET TO KNOW ANYONE FROM MY COUNTRY WHO ARE NOT TOO EAGER TO EXPRESS THEIR GRATITUDES. BE THE " KINDNESS OR GENEROSITY" WAS GIVEN IN CASH, KIND OR EVEN FROM THE THOUGHT.


I am trying to figure out whether (a) I am not being generous enough; ONE COULD NEVER OR SHOULD NEVER QUANTIFY GENEROSITY, IN MY OPINION.


(b) she figures each gift, flight home, in-room phone, tv, dvd etc, extra day off (she's had 11 weeks off in under a year), Christmas bonus, birthday gift (including gifts for her children's birthdays) is just seen as something that she is due anyway, like salary; YOU ARE WAY TOO GENEROUS! ( CONTRADICTING MYSELF HERE, I KNOW BUT IT'S DESERVED) AND I FEEL SORRY THAT YOU WERE MADE TO FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU. THERE'S NONE, AS FAR AS THIS MATTER IS CONCERNED.


(c) I am being taken for granted - " TAKEN FOR GRANTED" YOUR KINDNESS, YES. YOU PERSONALLY, I CAN'T ANSWER THIS, I'M SORRY. BUT IN A SENSE, YOU ARE BECAUSE TO ME, AND I ALWAYS BELIEVE THIS-- A LITTLE EXTRA FROM EMPLOYERS' ARE (ALWAYS) HIGHLY APPRECIATED AND ALWAY RETURNED THRU EXTRA CARE WITH OUR WORK.


or (d) she is rude.- RUDE, YES. AS RUDE AS ANY OF OUR GUESTS WHO DON'T KNOW TO SAY " THANK YOU" WHEN BEING SERVED. OR ANYONE WHO WOULD CUT ANYONE OFF DURING A CONVERSATION WITHOUT SAYING " EXCUSE ME". YES, SHE IS RUDE BUT MAYBE SHE IS JUST SHY? HAS SHE BEEN HERE LONG?


I am not expecting thank you cards, or for her to be beside herself with gratitude, just some indication that she knows that she is appreciated etc. I'M REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED SO FAR. I DO FIND IT STRANGE FOR HER TO BE TOO UNAPPRECIATIVE OF YOUR GENEROSITY WHICH I MUST SAY IS ABOVE AVERAGE. IS THERE ANYWAY THAT I CAN BE OF HELP?


I would genuinely appreciate your input. THANK YOU, AND IT'S MY PLEASURE.


Many thanks.

Thank you souffleQueen, very helpful feedback!

I thought as emploees we did have to provide food or an allowance (I would regardless of the law mind you). Am i missing somehing???

Sorry helenahk but it very clearly states that you must provide food free of charge or a food allowance.

http://www.immd.gov.hk/ehtml/id407form.htm

item 5b

so you really are not doing your helper any big favours just what you are supposed to do.

Mrs, you're welcome.




Helenahk, you are right the question was " what is customary" and there is no such that everyone should adhere to, like a law. However, with the lady I work for, her children and some married grandchildren who all have helpers, it is customary in this 4 generation family to give a present and day off to all their helpers. And it is to my family, too. So it is wrong to assume that there is no such custom.



And you on this " No, you are responsible to pay her at/above minimum wage and give her sundays off etc; food allowance isn't one of the requirements despite its being a customary offer by expat families "


Please note : Employment contract 5 (b) -- The Employer shall provide the Helper with suitable and furnished accommodation and food free of charge. If no food is provided, a food allowance of not less than HK300.00/ month shall be paid to the helper.-- therefore, feeding / giving food allowance to your helper is not a custom limited to expats but a law that every employers should adhere to.

I am new here but I seem to see so much of souffequeen's replies to this forum. How could you find so much time in-between your work? I guess you must have a computer in your room and a very good boss - just curious - that's all.