Is this unfair?

We have been without a helper now for 2 months after we terminated our helper for unsatisfactory performance and have spent this time looking for the right helper to suit our family in the hope to reduce the risk of terminating another one.


We interviewed many and eventually made an offer to a helper which was accepted. We made the condition that once an offer/acceptance was in place neither side could interview for another helper/position.


A week later we received a call from the helper saying that she had cold feet and was worried about accepting the position with us. In addition that she had been for other interviews and had other offers on the table. I understood her reasons for cold feet (as accepting any job could be difficult) but I was a little annoyed that she had already broken my trust and had continued to interview with other employers after agreeing not to.


We cannot sign any contract as she is currently working for another employer who is leaving HK but we have had a few phone calls from her asking for certain things that make me a little unsure of our choice of helper (changes to her room - some possible/some not). She seems very specific about her needs etc. Once again not a big deal, although it does make me wonder what she will be like when she works here if she is already asking for 'time off' etc before she starts here.


My question is that do you think it is wrong for us to interview for another helper now, just to check whether there is anyone more suitable, or is that just being unfair to her? I don't want to leave her in the lurch without a job (not that it would happen though as she still has 1 month left on her current contract and plenty of time to look for other work). The few things that she is asking are just making me a little hesitant about our decision or does that make us as bad as her?? I really want to do the right thing by our helper and look after her and treat her well as that would be the best thing for our family but I just get the impression that she might be a little too demanding??

I don't have a lot of experience with DHs. But the one thing that my husband and I have learned (and it has been said on this form several times) is go with your gut feeling. You can ask a millions questions and check all the references and the passport, but often our intuition tells us more.


You are already feeling uneasy about hiring this person. Be honest with her about your concerns regarding her requests and the fact that she has continued to look for another employer. Then based on the conversation, decide if you should look for another helper.

Sounds as if the DH has you as Plan B while she still looks for Plan A. The additional demands are in case Plan A does not materialise and she has to go with Plan B - you. IMO.

Very similar to what happened to us, keep looking...

Whatever conditions/ agreements you have made...does not stand till HK immigration gives the visa. She will keep looking till she gets the best deal & quite honestly you should do the same until you sign someone on.

She sure seems to have a Plan B & C on hand. If I was you, I would keep looking till I sign a contact.

All the best!

Ausmum, its hard isn't it. DH's seem to get such a rough deal from many, that some of us want to be as fair as possible. Sometimes too fair?

If you have to ask the question then the answer is clear.

We sadly had 4 DH that left through mutual agreeance (we were employing part time at the time) and then we met our current lady.

On meeting her everyone was happy and despite some differences everyone simply made the situation work. She is perfect for our family at the moment.


Trust your instinct and don't look back. Remember that they (as will you) will always do what is right for them first and foremost.

From our experience with homehelp here and in NZ if you make allowances during negotiations then you will forever be making allowances.


Best of luck.

Hi Ausmum, I am a Filipina, with good moral character, well-organized and flexible looking for employer.


Please check your inbox I sent you a private message. Thank you very much!

Greetings Ausmum, I am a filipina DH with work experience with Western and Chinese family, I am presently looking for amployer at asiaexpat. Thanks

Two can play at the same game. Time for you to start interviewing and meeting a nicer helper.

Thanks for your replies, to be honest they are what I thought. I don't like the idea of interviewing again purely because it is time consuming but I do want the best for my family and in the end that is worth the effort.

If you are starting to look again please let me know as our DH has a family member who is currently looking. We've met and I would recommend her.