Posted by
AKKY
18 yrs ago
Anyone who have the same experience? My DH and my mother in law is literally betting each other on the head! I can just feel the tension between them! The main reason? My 10mth old BB! mother in law have her way of doing things (traditional chinese lady) and she hates everything the DH does and that includes the DH trying to handle the BB while she is at it creating a tension of jealousy and a feeling of incapablility. For eg. when my inlaw is taking care of BB but he continues to whing or cries our DH rashes to see why and then trys to take the BB away from inlaw so that makes inlaw very very unhappy!! And I'm stuck in the middle of all this!! Jes!
We hired the DH mainly for cleaning and cooking but she is too .....? I can't explain..... overactive? and wants to take care of BB too! No my inlaw keeps on telling me this and that about the DH and it makes me feel really stressed out! and by the way I can feel the DH is angry too. Should I end this weird situation by getting another DH?
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TC
18 yrs ago
It's YOUR call - on both counts - because YOU are the mother. If you feel either woman is overstepping the mark then it's up to you to tell them what YOU want for YOUR child. If either woman cannot adhere to YOUR rules for the care of YOUR child then you can then take the necessary steps - and that would include 'getting rid' of the party which cannot abide by YOUR rules. Not an easy one, but good luck anyway.
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I had an almost similar situation - my visiting mom vs my previous helper.
My mom, who is visually imapired, is always asking questions on what is being done w/ my baby while I was out at work which is understandable as she can't see! The helper took offense and was very disrespectful w/ my mom, banging doors & talking back at her. I had a good talk w/ the helper that even if my mom is just a visitor, she IS my mom and my baby's grandmother, thus deserves respect and given the right to ask questions about my baby's welfare. There was a truce afterwards but the tension was still there.
I also had a talk with my mom to ease with the questions a bit as obviously my helper was sensitive but she warned me that the helper has an attitude problem.
In the end, after my mom left, the bad attitude continued so the helper got to go. However, if your helper is generally nice and have no problem except w/ your MIL, then maybe a talk w/ your MIL (via your husband?) might also help.
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Do you really need advice on this?
Whether you like your MIL or not, she will always come first ahead of your DH. If nothing else, I assume your husband still likes his mother. As long as your MIL isn't physically or mentally abusing your DH, your DH must be an idiot to piss off your MIL.
It would help if your husband spoke to your MIL too, but at the end of the day your helper should not be adding to the level of stress in the home.
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tsuiwah just because the person is a relative doesn't make her actions right or acceptable that is for AKKY to decide.
Does your Mil live with you Akky?
If you employed your DH for cleaning rather than to care for the baby then sit her down and explain that and the situation with your Mil and how she would like to take care of the baby.
I’m sure your helper thinks she is meant to care for the baby too and that when the baby is crying that she will get into trouble for not dealing with it. If she knows she doesn’t have to worry about the childcare she should be able to leave your Mil too it.
You can’t of course then expect her to take charge if your Mil can’t cope as you are back to a situation where your helper doesn’t know what is expected of her.
I don’t believe another helper would change that it’s about you taking charge and telling those concerned what you want for your baby.
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AKKY
18 yrs ago
Hi all, thanks for the comments. I did talked to my DH yesterday and set out my expectation. She did seem to understand and now don't pi*s my MIL that much.
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