My not-so-bright but good natured helper

I have an extremely good natured helper. She's very patient and she hasn't got a temper. She had an excellent reference from her previous employer.


My problem is this.... she doesn't seem to be able to follow instructions. I don't think she does it on purpose but it's getting to a stage where it's becoming a bit of a worry.


Here are some examples:-


1) I told her to cook instant noodles and prewarned her that it's a special noodles where she has to drain the noodles from the boiled water, then use the powdered flavouring in the packet to mix the noodles. I caught her trying to fry the hard instant noodles directly from the pack.


2) Today she used the same noodles but did not drain the water from it. She mixed the powdered flavouring and turned it into soup!! I thought she understood that she had to drain it.


3) I told her my car keys were behind our fish tank. We only have a small one. I said "Car keys" and again in Cantonese in case she couldn't understand me but she was adamant it wasn't there. I came home and found it behind the fish tank, just like I said. In fact, when I got home, I repeated the same instructions to my daughter and she was able to reach for it.


4) I gave her a mobile phone (hers to keep) and a phone allowance. I told her to leave it on during the day time in case I needed to contact her. We do not have a house phone. 9 out of 10 times, her mobile is switched off. When I told her to switch it back on, her phone would be ringing continuously. While I understand that she has friends too, I'm a bit uncomfortable that her phone, when switched on rings ALL the time. She told me that her friends are a nuisance so that's why she switched it off. I got her a new number yet she still switched her phone off and her friends still keep ringing when I asked her to switch it on. As a result, I have since stopped her allowance but told her she could keep the mobile as promised.


5) We allow her to leave our home after dinner on Saturday (usually at 7.30pm) but told her to be back by 11-11.30pm latest on Sunday. She somehow manages to come up with all sorts of reasons why she has to be home after midnight. I know you will say I'm too strict but I worry if ANYONE including hubby is back after midnight.


6) I've given her rules on how I want my daughter to be handled at home. Eg. She must sit at the dinner table for meals or she must return her toys/books after using them but my helper has not followed such instructions either.



7) I've told her to write down how much she's spent on groceries but each day she does not tally her spendings and when I do them, they often do not add up.


I've spoken to her about the above and have tried everything such as speaking to her slowly and asking her if she understood my instructions but still to no avail.


I'm just wondering how others have handled such situation when your helper is REALLY nice but just not-so-bright? I would really like to help her but don't know how. My husband and I work long hours.

Oh my goodness, Gemma. There are many, many helpers out there with lots of common sense and good communication skills, please give your DH one months' notice and go get someone from an agency that you can trust your daughter with and can follow basic instructions. At the end of the day, she is an employee who seems to be failing on every measure. Once this one is out the door the relief will be immense - live and learn for the next time.

Expecting your helper to return before 11pm on Sunday is not being strict. It's quite reasonable.


With regard to the phone, the simple solution would have been to get her a dedicated SIM card number that she must not give out to anyone else. She keeps the phone on during the day when you need to reach her and then she can switch to her personal card at night when she wants to make calls. Simple. I would be really concerned (not to mention upset) if I couldn't reach my helper during the day.


I really don't think I would want to have a really nice but not so bright helper caring for my child.

Gemma, how long has she been with you? I presume from your note she worked here before as well? we had very similar situation with one of our helpers but she was straight from Philippines,never worked here (or anywhere I take it) before. I was thinking I made a huge mistake getting someone from Phil as opposed to someone from here with experience but then she just got into the way we want her to do things and we are fine now. Has she been with you for a while? If only a month of so, hang in there, she might eventually get there! If it has been a while, she might be just a bit dim... get rid then... there are a lot of very good DH out there... Good luck

As far as I know, she's been here for 15 years and has been with me for less than a year.


Tsuiwah, thank you. I've done what you suggested already. I have given her a new SIM card and a new number to use during the day time but she still has her mobile switched off. When asked to turn on last Saturday with her new number, while I was home, I think her mobile rang 6-7 times during the day (she ignored all calls). Probably more because I was out with my daughter several hours too. It got me thinking that for her friends to be calling like that, she must be speaking to them often during her work hours.

How is her grasp of the English language? Did you give her a written guideline? If not, don't you think it could help? If yes, perhaps have it translated to her native tongue.


As for the phone, when she had the new number she should have been more discrete with whom to give it to to avoid the same problem like before.

She possibly got away with a lot with her previous employers and now she trying it on with you.


Waffle's suggestion is a good one, although it may be too late - it's her way or no way.

Everyone, thank you.


I must admit I have not thought of firing her for fear that my expectation of a helper is unreasonable but now that I've written it all down and with all the responses I have so far, it seems a serious discussion with a time period to improve is justified. Thank you, waffle.


souffleQueen, her English isn't exactly the best but I've kept my instructions quite simple. She has been given guidelines, a list of what to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner plus a daily/weekly/monthly time-table. I have to remind her to follow them. In fact, I have cooked ALL the dishes I listed and have asked her to translate it in her own language if it makes things easier for her. She still doesn't follow my instructions. She's not protesting and she's not hard to get along with, in fact, she's very nice about things and about her mistakes but just not very bright and it's come to a point where it is a worry. Even her excuses are starting to become quite unbelievable (about why she's late or why her mobile is switched off - too many reasons given for two very simple requests).


I've gotta give her an ultimatum this time. The poor girl, but ah, it has to be done!


Once again, thanks to all who have replied, they are much appreciated!

She's been here 15 years. That says it all.



Sorry to be a pessimist, but I don't think she'll change. She's a lot smarter and understands more than you think.

I had a DH just like that.

Turned out, she put my daughter & her friends pic on the net without our permission, she had her friends coming to our place when our home was empty, she broke some really expensive crystal & never told us about it ( we found out later).So many more things, too much to write & honestly I cannot be bothered to...

I believed she was innocent...she was evil ( fact)...got rid of her...life is good again.

Hi Gemma, here's some simple advice that worked for me.


First of all i think you are being quite fair with your maid, overall. We all know how hard it is to find a maid that we like and they like us too. So in my opinion, if you have a maid that you and your family get on with etc then stick with her and implement some simple rules to follow. For example (with my maid):


A: Ensure that she always gets a receipt from each and every shop she visits and presents that recipt to you at the end of the day/month etc (that way you can keep track of every penny spent and balance your housekeeping account easily, all shops supply receipts regardless).


B) I gave my maid a phone, and like you she was plagued by phone calls from friends etc, here i simply bought her a new SIM card (approx $30) and told her to keep this number exclusive, and it should only be called by me and my family. She keeps my SIM in and the phone on at all times during work hours and changes back to her "social" SIM at the end of the working day. Or at least she checks her messages etc behind my back occasionally and then switches back to my SIM asap. Its a very common practice for a maid to have many SIMS if not many phones, so dont be surprised about her phone usage. But you must insist that she does not give out your House SIM to anybody else regardless, and the phone must be on at all times etc.


C) I also let my maid go after dinner on saturday, but she does not have a curfew per se. Only that she must be present and correct, so to speak, to prepare breakfast on monday morning. I am of the opinion that they work hard all week and the weekend is theirs (as mature adults) to do with as they please, it's none of my business how they spend their free time and who they choose to spend it with etc (within reason of course), after all i wouldn't like my boss ringing me on a saturday night at 12 midnight checking if i was in bed.


D) As far as giving instruction etc, hmmm???? ask yourself a question: How good is her English really? If her english is not as good as you'd hoped then write the instructions down for her (produce a clear/simple word document detailing your instructions in bullet points etc), she can then refer to this document when she needs to and decipher the information at her own pace and with no pressure. Remember, sometimes they can feel a bit shy and embarassed about communicating directly in an unfamiliar foreign language and will often simply nod away merrily even though they dont understand a word. Writing it down for them helps, or at least it did for me.


But if her English is really good then i guess you've got a whole set of other issues which you'll just need to address your way.


Anyway, hope you can resolve your differences etc and all turns out well for you both.

hi Gemma, i know you're busy but can you spare me a minute of your time? just want to talk to you privately. Please pm me at fujicko_0516@yahoo.com. Thanks.

GemmaW,


The decision to let her go is somewhat sad but I have to respect your decision. I just hope you will get the ideal helper next time. Having said that, it is difficult for me to comprehend how she could have stayed in HK for many years and get excellent references from here previous employers. I hope this will not turn into " the grass is greener over there" situation, after all..you did say you did not thought of letting her go AFTER you have read replies here.


Let's all bear in mind that some brighter helpers are not smart enough to know that they are the employee, not the employer.