Posted by
notmeok
17 yrs ago
I have a nice helper who is fine. She's nice and does her job but I'm thinking of replacing her. she is getting old and doesn't get up early enough. I have to get 3 kids breakfast and make lunches and I feel angry she's not up earlier. I asked her to be up at 6:45, but she isn't up til 7. i think she's tired and i don't think she thinks it is important since i'm not up til 7 but she could do a lot of things before i get up. she doesn't really remember to do things until I ask her at the time. she goes to bed at 8 or 9 and we're up til 11 so we wake up to dirty dishes. if she got up a few mins earlier it would be ok. i don't know. our place is never really that organized. she doesn't usually do more than the basics unless asked. i'm not so great at organization either. i don't have a schedule for her as i'm sometimes out and leave the baby with her, but it doesn't seem like she does enough. i'm not sure if i'm being too tough. we are used to her and she has some good qualities. she irons well and is never in our way so we like that. do you think it's mean to ask a 50 yr old to get up half or an hour earlier and work a half or an hour later with no pay increase? we pay her very well and could get someone new for much less. my husband doesn't want to pay her more. we don't need her to do a lot in the morning, but maybe hold the baby so i can sleep a little more or at night, hold her so i can watch a whole tv show til 9:30 or 10.we want her to work from 6:30-9:30 instead of 7-8.is that reasonable? i pay $4,500 and it never seems to be enough for her!she tells me about other bills and wants me to pay for her phone bill, but i don't. do you think i am unreasonable?
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i agree with you cara. that is so true.
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i get up at 5:30 and I can't seem to get her out of bed before 7:30. I want her to help with the baby while I get the other 2 off to school and to help with teh baby while i get the other 2 to bed. she gets plenty of breaks and yes, the baby is with me most of the day. i also do half the work, dishes, cooking, etc. the hours are getting shorter for her. she used to work more. we pay her close to $5,000 so we expect her to help during the 'crunch' times of breakfast and bedtime, but i can't rely on her. she often goes to bed at 8 and closes the door then acts like i'm bugging her if i ask her to take the baby while i help my other kids finish their homework.i don't mind the questions. i appreciate them. this is helping me think things through... thank you for taking the time to comment. :)
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Your second posting completely contradicts your first post notmeok, you said you didn't get up until 7.00 but now you say 5.30, that yourn helper got up at 7.00 now you say 7.30 you also said you paid her 4.500 now you say it's 5000 so i'm a little confused.
Do you really think that it is reasonable to ask her to be available for 15 hours a day; these women are entitled to a life outside of your family to.
It doesn’t matter what her age was 15 hours a day is too much in my opinion and as stated before perhaps you should sit down and work out a fair schedule for her to follow and maybe then ask her to either be available in the morning or the evening whichever you deem to be the most important to you.
Could your hubby perhaps help out with the kids in the evening and spend some time with the baby while your sorting out the other two or perhaps he could help with the homework or bedtime while you enjoy your baby.
If you try and remember that a helper is meant to be just that an extra pair of hands rather than someone to do everything around the home and also take care of the kids and I’m sure you will be able to work out a schedule that works for everyone and allows you all some time for yourselves as well as quality time with the kids.
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I agree with Moppet, story is a bit confusing there! for what it is worth, we had one helper to look after the babies (we have two) but very quickly figured out that it is impossible for her to do anything else - so now we have 2 helpers - one mostly looks after babies and the other, after the household and now it works well.. And we pay ours $6,000 (incl food allowance of $1,000). They do indeed work 12 hours by the end of it - they start at 7 - 7.15 and finish around 7 when babies are in bed. So, my thought is one helper (esp in her 50-ies!) can not look after the baby and run the house.. but again, that is my thought and maybe I am soft...
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oh sorry! just realised that the helper does not look after the baby most of the time? maybe different story then.. she certainly should be there for you when you organise the other two off to school etc.. as for longer hours - that is a tough one - I feel guilty when we go out and they have to babysit... let alone ask for more hours! did she always do these sort of hours? then it is probably unfair to change her working hours without extra pay!
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smsm
17 yrs ago
i guess one has to find the combination that suits one's household...i have 2 helpers and when i was expecting my sec baby few months back, i didnt want the helper which looked after my 3 yr old to look after the baby...i didnt want my girl to feel jealous about sharing her aunty as anyway she had to share her mumm with the little one!!! So my other helper who was looking after my house started to help with the newborn and to ease her burden i hired a part timer to come and help out with ironing and cleaning on certain days. It was tight on the pocket but i had to find a solution...hence coming back to the original post...if u want ur helper to help out in the morning and the night u can have someone come and share her burden during the day....some combination which suits u and the helper...
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mayo
17 yrs ago
$5000 is good wage for DH in Hong Kong but to put it in perspective it is US$1.60 an hour for a 16 hour day if she were to work from 7-11. If you are looking for suggestions for alternate approaches this is ours. Our helper works from 8am - 8pm, I have 3 children 7, 4 and 2 any after hours mess we make is ours to clean up. My 7 year old washes the cups he uses until his bedtime at 9pm packs away anything he has been using and he also makes his bed each morning and pours his own cereal and the younger ones are working towards this. It gives my children a small sense of resposibility and a lot of gratitude for our helper. And we are very grateful for all that she does. I remind our children each time they have a happy meal it takes the average DH 2hrs of work before she can afford a small cheeseburger, small fries and small drink. I agree she is lucky to have work and her life could be a lot worse. But maybe she deserves rest as well.
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mayo
17 yrs ago
oops.. did you edit you original post it said you wanted her to work til 11 when I first read it.
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Hi again, I am exhausted and see that I did make mistakes regarding details. I can assure you that it's an indication of my exhaustion, not my honesty. I never said i wanted her to work til 11, just that i am up til 11 (or later as I need to unwind), so i think it's kind of early for her to finish at 8, especially when i hired her she said she'd work til 10 and i said she just needed to help us finish up dinner dishes which usually means 9 at the latest. i am often up at 5:30 but am with the baby so when i said i get up at 7, i should've said i go to where she sees me at 7. in other words, i've asked her to start getting things ready before me, but she doesn't do it because i'm up before she is. she gets up has a shower, drinks coffee and i'm running around like crazy. it makes it hard for me to get the kids to school, get their lunches and breakfasts organized, etc. . also, she gets lots of breaks and takes naps when she wants. she often complains of being tired and sick. i let her rest sometimes even though i want to rest instead. i take the baby out, help a lot and our meals are very easy. i often take the 3 kids out. she does laundry and dishes and basics, but if one of us leaves a cup somewhere, it might sit there for days unless i take it to the kitchen. as for cara, i'm the one who doesn't get any sleep. she appears between 7-7:30 on weekdays and 8 on weekends and I'm up between 5:30-7, depending on the day. as for bedtime, i'm often up til 11 or 12 and the kids sometimes wake me up. she offered to work from 6:30-10 when she started, but now it's more like 7:15-8:15 roughly.
i know the wage isn't comparable to the US, but if you consider that she earns $600US which includes her food and board, that's more than i was able to save when I worked at a young age. It's also more than a doctor in the Phillipines earns. My last helper bought a house for her immediate family and her parents. Their money is not to afford them a house in the states, but in the Philipines. would we have a helper if we lived in another country? i assure you it would depend on the salary.
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cd
17 yrs ago
She sounds like she is trying to get away with doing the minimum. Her hours may be long on paper, but she certainly doesn't sound like shes working that many hours.
To start with write her out a schedule, stating what time she starts, all the jobs you require her to do daily, weekly, monthly etc. Don't let her have naps and time off whenever. Put in the schedule what time her breakfast break is and how long, lunch break, tea break etc, (allowing for changes on the times when she needs to look after the baby), if you want her to work in the evenings then you need to give her longer breaks during the day. Perhaps 2 hours for lunch instead of 1, 1 hour for breakfast instead of 30 mins etc.
Explain that you're not happy with the way things are, and she needs to change. And monitor the situation for the next month.
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A helper is a "helper". That's what it is and meant to be. So if you find her NOT being as "helpful" as she should or can be... then figure out whether you will have a chance to find someone more "helpful" than her.
I think from what you described, she's not a bad helper... not much extra, but she meets the minimum, maybe a little more. What you need is a helper who can see what your needs are... and that's hard. It takes a lot of time. LIke our household, my helper is on her 5th year, she works hard... and so does her younger sister. They do everything I DO NOT have to say aloud. Always my helping hands. I don't have to blink an eye, they know when to do what. That takes chemistry, and lots of communication, and time.
There are helpers who will be what you want ... question is, whether you will ever find her, and whether she will SIGN you when you want to sign her. There is a lot involved in finding the perfect helper... I had a friend who recently went though 3 helpers before finding the "good" one.... and she said, finding a husband is easier than finding a good helper nowadays.... I think, it's so true!!!!
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I'm sorry to say, but dirty dishes in the sink overnight?
I dont' understand why expat families 'spoil' their maids. Many local familes have one maid looking after a couple of children, an elderly parent in addition to the husband and wife. they don't pay as high wages yet, the maids manage.
Age should not come into this because if a maid says she can do the work, why can you not expect her to work? IF the maid is an older one, she should know what to expect too.
Give an inch and a mile is taken.
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Yes, Annieh is right 70% of helpers I know who works for local families are expected to work as late as possible. In fact, some thinks midnight is still early. Just listen to her .
One of the reason why, given an option a helper would prefer to work with an expat. Not that they wanted to be spoilt but it is a general knowledge that they are more understanding and knows the difference between a helper and a "slave". Also maybe most are here to work, so they would know what it is like to be a worker in a foreign land.
And to notmeok, have you considered getting a second helper and giving them both the minimum wage for a shorter work period. say one has to work from 7-7, the other from 11-11 on a fortnightly rotation. Try to bring that up with your helper, somehow my gut is tellling me she would be more accommodating once she heard that.
I know how difficult it is to have three wards, but I've done that before so it should not be impossible with you being on hand as well. 7-11 sounds a very long day, but that is how the mop flops, she has to know what are expected from her.
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Hi, I often have the baby with me during the day and when the other kids are around, the maid doesn't do much with them so i don't feel i need 2 helpers. i would like one person from 6:30 - 9 or 9:30 though and i don't mind if they take a nap when the baby does.
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As some suggested, do give her your expectations in black and white and reminds her that she committed to work long hours prior tro signing as that is what you need. After a week and if still no improvement... sit her down and tell her you are thinking of getting another one but that means she has to receive the minumum wage as her work load will be less. If you do not see immediate changes , I owe you a cup. Heck.. I'll even come and cook you dinner one night and show why i dared to use soufflequeen *lol*
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Soufflequeen,
There is often a misconception that all HK Chinese employers are bad to their maids. This is wrong. Many just apply the employment contract and have an employee/employer relationship. Neither do they think of their helpers as slaves - many of us give our maids extra time off or leeway for church activities.
I don't know what you mean by : just listen to her.
If you are insinuating that I expect my maid to work to midnight every night, then you are quite wrong. Like working in an office, the only expectation is that the things needed done are done. So things like washing dishes after meals, are a must.
Most nights my maid is off to her room, where she has a tv and aircon by 9,30pm. and shock horror, I'm not an expat employer. Of course there will be the occasions where she will go to be later because we are entertaining or there is a festival like Chinese New Year and Christmas.
katetam is right. a helper needs to be helper
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