Boarding houses allowed by MOST employers???!!!

I've changed the title of this thread...

My question isn't so much regarding the LEGALITY of this practice...although by law aren't live-out situations illegal unless the employer does not have adequate space to house the DH?

My question is more in regards to whether employers as a regular practice let their DH go to the boarding house for a lunch, dinner, to hang out during the day on her day off (not necessarily to stay out over night)?

We have returned from holiday and have noticed a marked change in our relaively new DH. She has begun to "hang out" in a boarding house which is close to our house during her daily and weekly free time. We have discussed the change in her attitude (less committed, more jaded/worldly, too familiar ~ has suddenly begun to address us by our first names only, ask how much some of our purchases cost, etc.) We have also had a neighbor comment on her "new attitude", unsolicited.

In sort, we don't like the change..it is obvious to us the reason is the crowd she has begun to associate with in the boarding house. We aren't interested in trying to control who she chooses to spend her time with, however we would prefer if she spends less time there.

SSSSOOOOO...my question is whether or not spening personal time during any given day (to pass time or have a meal) as well as during the day on a holiday is something that the MAJORITY of helpers do. She is telling us that the practice is THE NORM in HK...is it? Or is she just trying to support her new "bad habit"?

LILIHK, it is also a norm for DH to hang out at church all day on their day off or to hang around the beaches or Central. So, i guess there are several "norms" out there. It just depends on the company you keep. We had an ex-DH whose norm was to go to church and volunteer at church all day but when she stayed at a dormitory and made new friends there, that became her "norm".

Hi, just want you to know some employers allowed their helpers to have a (2 hrs.)noon break and a nap in their boarding house, sound great. I think you need to talk to her frankly.

Whether it is the norm or not (and I believe it is not) does not really help you if your helper wants to stay out and you don't want her to.


I understand that you might not feel comfortable with your helper's choice but, unless this lifestyle choice affects her work (and, from what you say it is her attitude that has changed rather than her work standard) there is little you can do about it. You can't control your helper's right to have friends even if they are bad influences on her.


I empathise - I prefer my helper to come home early on a Sunday night (I have written elsewhere on this forum about this preference) and while I recognise the helper's right to stay out we also need to acknowledge the way it makes you feel - "uncomfortable", you say. You should feel comfortable in your own home.


How you deal with the lifestyle your helper has chosen depends on the nature of your relationship.


Particularly if your helper is young and new to HK, this phase may blow over and she may tire of this way of spending her day off - so you could just wait.


Or you could have a serious talk with her or (my personal preference) you could mention she seems to have changed since she started hanging out with these friends and that you preferred the way she was before - not demanding that she stop something she has a right to do but letting her know how it affects you.


It may not work but at least you have communicated your discomfort to her and she can decide whether or not to change her behaviour (or you can decide whether you can live with this behaviour).


Good luck!