Posted by
Nuri
17 yrs ago
I am a working mum. I come home at about 4pm Mon-Fri. I have a feeling of guilt that I am not with my baby all the time. At the same time I fell jealous that my helper takes care of him when I am not around. This, of course, sounds stupid as she is a good helper. Nevertheless, I can not get rid of these two feelings lately. I started getting worried that in future my son may “think” that she is the mother and not me
Working mums, did you ever experience this? What do you do to comfort yourself? Tnx
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deena
17 yrs ago
Hi Nuri
I too tackled these feelings when I was working. The best thing to do is to makes sure the time you do spend with your baby is good quality time bonding. I felt so guilty that I ended up quitting my job. The money just wasnt worth it and I didnt want to miss out on seeing my child grow, they grow so fast.And I can go back to work another time, Children do bond with whoever spends more time with them . Its up to you? how you want to live your life? can you just work 3 days? You are discontent so make some changes where this guilt and jealousy doesnt overwhelm you. Warm hugs
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When my children were little my husband and I were a bit strapped for cash, what with a big mortgage to pay and two young ones to provide for. I ended up getting a part-time job which was a necessity ... and I hated the fact that I had to leave my babies. Even though I left them with my mother I just couldn't come to terms with leaving them. I gave up the job and it was a struggle financially, but I was happy and we pulled our belts in tighter and managed. I never regret doing this. Some people are happy to go out to work ... others can't cope with it. Do what you feel is right for you. There will be plenty of time to go back to work once the kiddies are in school full time. Only you can decide what's right for you.
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Oftentimes you have no real choice financially but to work however I would make sure that I took care of the baby the whole time I was home. Get the helper to do all the other domestic stuff so you can spend as much time as possible with your baby and that while you are there the helper is not around too much and this way your baby will have a better chance of bonding with you instead of the helper.
Make sure you are there to do fun stuff with the child and not just the menial feeding/changing/bathing etc - whilst these are important tasks and can be bonding they are functional, whereas playing and story time and getting outside are more rewarding and should be your domain rather than that of the helper.
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Airay
17 yrs ago
My freid's daughter called her antie 'mom'.
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I agree with cara, babies & toddlers KNOW who their parents are.
Focus on the positive:
If you were "back home" (i'm assuming you're an expat), you'd send your child to day care or a child minder. What you have with a full time helper is a much better option (even though she may not be a trained teacher or baby specialist). AND you don't have to spend your time off work grocery shopping, cooking or doing the laundry!! All the more time to spend with your baby!!
You obviously trust your helper to take good care of your child, that's also very positive!!
Don't feel guilty, you're not "abandonning" him when you're going to work, you just have obligations, that's all; this never made anyone a bad mother!!
Besides, you come home quite early, that's lucky!!
Good luck with your struggles
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