Posted by
notyou
17 yrs ago
My helper is kind to my children, but lazy about housekeeping. our place is not very tidy and i'm doing a lot. do you think it's enough that she is up at 7 and works til 8? I am up 1.5 hours before her and 2 after her. She is older than I am. Someone told me that can cause problems.Do you think that's why she tries harder to please my husband than to please me?
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Have you told her about this? Have you laid down clear expectations? If not, have a nice sit down conversation with her for half an hour about what you expect. If she does not respond well, or does not change, you need to tell her that she is not performing up to your expectations. If she keeps underperforming, you may need to find a new helper. However with clearly stated expectations most people in any job tend to perform better.
I think the whole age thing is not relevant in itself.
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I think different people have different expectations. Some will be satisfied so long as the DH is nice to the kids / elders. Others, like me, expect the DH to be nice to the kids & make a good job of the housework. I myself don't think that's unreasonable so long as her work hours are not too long (mine works 12 hours a day) and the expectation is made clear to her.
If your helper is already working 7am - 8pm then I would not suggest you extend her work day too much. Rather, is she working in an efficient manner? Or does she iron stuff that doesn't need ironing etc etc? Maybe she needs to change her work methods. Or simply work harder / faster so that she can finish everything within her work hours.
One way of resolving the situation is to make her a schedule, detailing what you want her to do and how long she should take doing them. Her poor housekeeping could be resolved by this. If not, then maybe she really is just lazy or just works to a low standard and then you might need to look for someone else.
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Depends on what your children are like - mine (3 & 1) are full-on, and I know if I focussed on housework then my helper would have to leave kids in front of TV. I prefer she plays with them, so I have to accept the housework isn't perfect. Same as if I was at home all day myself. Just decide what your priorities are.
(My helper works 7 - 8or9)
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Agreed with kittycat2. We told our helper that the kids are the priority and they do take up most of her time. We don't expect her to clean the house more than once a week.
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cd
17 yrs ago
You helper may be around from 7 till 8, but it doesn't sound like she is actually working for much of that time. How much of the child care does she do, if its a lot then it maybe difficult to do everything else, if its only the occassional babysitting then she's slacking.
Write down a timetable of what you want done and when, state times for breakfast. dinner and tea. And tell her you want to see an improvement.
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agree with kittycat2 - we have 2 very small kids - which take up 100% of helper time (even when they nap - she cooks their food etc) - that is why we have 2 helpers - one to look after kids, one to look after the house - I trully believe it is too much for one helper (we both work, so I am not much use to them of course!!)
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mrsl
17 yrs ago
It's not clear from the OP whether both parents work or how much childcare the helper does. If she's responsible for the childcare as well as the housework, then I can understand why the house can be untidy. I have a helper because I cannot give the children the attention that they need and do all of the housework (plus I'm a lousy housekeeper). If, however, 'notyou' is doing all/most of the childcare, then there is no excuse.
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I get up at 5 or 6, start the laundry, take the dog out, clean up the dog's room, make the kids' lunches and feed them breakfast. She gets up at 7, drinks tea and isn't able to function til 8. I have asked her to put a water bottle in the kids' lunchboxes but half the time she forgets. i have a list and ask her to help me look at it and remind the kids if they need a library book that day, etc. She never does it. I have a toddler. I've asked her to take him for a walk in the morning or if I'm out. she doesn't remember unless I call her and ask her. Our place is large, but all I can count on her for is doing the laundry and dishes and making the beds. The other things she will do but not often, like sweeping the floor. She takes the toddler out while I help my older child with homework but she thinks it's too much to help with him at bedtime so she goes in her room at 8 and doesn't want to. I'd like her to help. I've told her but she gets grumpy whenever I've made a schedule for her.I like her because she is flexible and kind to my children, but I'm working hard to make sure she does her job. A few days ago I did the laundry and the ironing was still there 3 days later. I'd had my toddler with me for most of those days, so I didn't see any excuse. One day, although it was difficult, I took my toddler shopping with me and I'd asked her to cook something while we were gone. It was the afternoon and all of her work was done. She forgot so I had to ask her again the next day.It's hard on kids to change helpers. I don't know if I can find a helper who's good with kids, willing to work with kids, a dog and a mom who doesn't work and who can clean and cook.
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cd
17 yrs ago
Your helper sounds even worse than mine.
I actually don't hink its hard on kids to change helpers, they are very adaptable. My kids haven't missed either of our previous 2 helpers and soon got used to a new one. And in getting a new one you could get one who is much better with the kids, and can cope with the housework.
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notmoek it sounds like you need a new helper as yours seems to be uncooperative and sulky if she doesn't get her way. There are plenty of good helpers who are great with kids so i wouldn't worry about that side of things. Sit your helper down and tell her what yopu want and that if things don't change then you will have to replace her as you are doing most of the work.
Decide exactly what you want from her before you chat and maybe as said above focus on what's important too you ie childcare or house as it is not possible for someone to do a good job of all of this there just isn't time if you want her spending quality time with the kids.
Good luck
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Here's what I would do... sit down and say here is a list of all the things that need to happen to have a happy home. I hired a DH b/c I wanted extra help.
I want to do these things with and for my children, but I need help in these areas....
I want the house to be cleaned in a certain way for example, mop every day, linens changed every x days, laundry caught up.... you know the drill.
Although I am at home, I hired a DH to have these things covered.
Now agree on what I will do and what you will do to cover everything,
then you both discuss you schedules etc. agree on making a better go of it in the future to cover EVERYTHING that you wish, drink a cup of tea and then if she cannot meet your expectations, you say I am sorry, this isn't working for me and get someone who will be a true help to you.
I beleive it is all about attitude...your attitude as you ask her to take up the slack of the work and her attitude toward serving you.
You sound like a reasonable person, treat her like you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. Good luck
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