Helper requiring surgery

I have had my domestic helper for almost two years and over the past eight months has had ongoing health issues. She has not been compliant with medical treatment choosing to listen to her friends advise over medical advise!!


I have spoken to her and told her these issues need to be addressed as I cannot afford to keep her on, not knowing if she will be ok to perform her duties and look after my 2 yr old son as I work part time and this is why I employ her.


I have attended medical appointments on numerous ocassions with her and discussed all of her options with the medical staff as she wanted this. The long and short of it is she needs to have surgery and will be out of action for 6 weeks approx. However she is now talking about not having the surgery!! I have told her that if she does not resolve her health issues that we may not be able to continue with the current situation as I rely on her for my work. I am now wondering whether to renew her contract or look for someone else!!



We have overall a good relationship and I am largely happy with her work although it has been hit and miss for the last eight months or so.


Has anyone had a similar experience and if so what did they do with their helper following surgery. I have insurance for her and am happy that the medical costs are my responsibility, however I am not sure that I am happy for her to recover in my house for the six weeks. Should I send her back to the philippines? Also can I employ a temporary helper in her absence??


Any advise or thought greatly appreciated as her ongoing issues are starting to impact on my family!!

Poor you and poor her. Is she trying to hide that she is frightened of having surgery? Many people are and won't admit it. I would suggest perhaps making an appointment with another doctor for a 2nd opinion and if the 2nd doctor agrees with the 1st doctors course of action then I think it would be reasonable for you to inform your helper of the reasons you stated above.


If she still refuses then she's just silly, as if you terminate her for inability to perform tasks due to a medical condition that she refuses to have treated, thenshe will be uninsured and would have to pay for it herself and no other employer will take her as she won't get a clean bill of health for her employment papers.


may I ask the nature of the surgery? If she has to have her foot bones broken and re-set then of course she can't work for the whole or majority of her recovery, but if it's something more simple then perhaps she could have 3 weeks off and 3 weeks of very light duties appropriate to her recovery.


I'm one of 4 kids and my mum hired a few nannies over the years to help look after us. One was a marvelous woman who loved us as her own and did a brilliant job but there was the problem that she was almost totally deaf and therefor couldn't hear someone calling from another room and was not a confident driver at all and mum needed to have her pick us up from school, drive us to piano, ballet, etc.


We loved her and she loved us but due to her dissabilities she was not able to perform her job and my mum very saddly had to let her go.


You might find yourself in the same situation if she can't improve her health situation but it's a decission only you can make.

Does she know that she won't be out of pocket for the surgery? Is she entitled to sick pay while she is recuperating (and if so, does she know this)?

Perhaps she is not only frightened of surgery, she may be frightened of the potential expense. She may also feel that you may let her go anyway if she can't work for 6 weeks, or that she is letting you down.


I think a second opinion is a good idea as made above. Perhaps explain to her in front of the doctor that if she doesn't have the surgery then she can no longer expect to work for you?


Also, does she know that if she has the surgery, you would prefer she recuperates back in the Phillipines? This might actually encourage her.......

In fact there is an ongoing and common feeling that Philippinos do not get the same treatment in hospital as everyone else! Often the overseas side of the family has strong feelings about there loved one having major surgery away from them because they cannot take care of them properly and so the girl is advised to not have the surgery. Ask your helper if this is true in your case.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to reply. We have had several opinions and agree that the surgery is best option. She is to have a hysterectomy. We have at this stage agreed that she can have 2 weeks off after the surgery which off course will be paid sick leave. Her sister will come to be with her and they are organising accomodation via the church or the philipine consulate (at her request). She is then going to return to our house and her sister has offered to help out with my son for the following two weeks. I do not expect any housework to be done as I am happy to cover that for a while just help caring for my son and only while I am working as I cannot get leave.


What do you think is reasonable to pay/give her sister for helping out. She obviously has to get a ticket to Hong Kong from the philipines. Her accomodation should not cost her anything. My understanding is that I have to pay my helper 4/5 of her salary while sick. I am hoping to pay her her full salary but I already pay well above the minimum at almost 5K live in exclusive of food and quiet frankly I am not made of money!!


Green valleys can I ask how do I organise the temporary you have mentioned?


Thanks again

The poor woman, she would be quite scared.


If you can afford it, pay the sister the airfare, plus 3k? (she may have to have bought a passport, cause general inconveniecne back in her home).


It will be a "one off" for certain,

and if you don't know if karma exists, this would be a good time to put it to the test (you know what I am saying)


besides you'll feel very good about it if you are as charitable as you can be (of course, within reason)


as they say, "charity begins at home" and it doesn't get much closer to home that your in-house helper requiring surgery.

With what GreenValleys said above. Don't pay the sister for her services. Pay your DH and give the specific instruction that she should give that amount to the helper so that there cannot be any issue there. That way you are just paying your employee and she is giving her sister a 'gift'. That should cover your legal butt!


I'm sorry to hear she's so unwell but I'm glad to hear she's getting the help she needs.

My friend's helper needed the same surgery last summer. She had it at Queen Mary. Note that the Doctor perscribed 6 weeks rest following surgery. Instead of bringing someone to HK to help care for her, they sent her home as soon as she could travel for recouperation with her family in Indonesia.

She sorted out parttime help with other DHs. It is almost impossible to get legal parttime helper help in HK. So be prepared.