can a helper out there give some feedback

what has made employers good or bad in your experience?


(i think i am a fair employer - maybe i am not clear enough with my instructions. how do you like to be told things? would you prefer to have an exact list to follow every day, or get on with things your own way? how would you like to be told about tasks that are out of the ordinary routine? how much notice do you think you need of the families movements?).


i've asked my helpers but they seem reluctant to want to tell their own employer!


thanks

There are employers that are bad no matter how hard you try to please them. On the other hand, there are also employers who are broad-minded and good enough that are easy to please.


A good employer can be bad if 1st: a helper completely ignores/disobey house rules 2nd: a helper always tell lies 3rd: steals her employer's belongings 4th: invades the privacy of her employer and 5th: a helper doesn't want to submit herself to her employer's authority.


OP's questions:

how do you like to be told things?

clear, easy to understand with respect


would you prefer to have an exact list to follow every day, or get on with things your own way?

depends....if you notice that your helper is forgetful, written instructions/schedule isn't bad. But if you notice that after giving your helper verbal instructions/schedule and she can handle things correctly, then it is not necessary. She would prefer to do things her way.


how would you like to be told about tasks that are out of the ordinary routine?

say it it advance, say 1 or 2 days before....besides its actually not a big deal, employers schedule often change. A helper has to adjust because its her duty to obey and follow orders as long as its legal and could be perform during working days and NOT in holidays. Part of domestic duties anyway,...


how much notice do you think you need of the families movements?).

common sense is required in this matter. a helper has nothing to do with her employer's private life first of all. Minding a child is the only extent she can be involved in the family. Moreover, if a helper bypasses her employer's authority when ot comes to upbringing the children then thats another story.


(not sure if I answered them correctly, well, thats how I understand those questions anyway) : )

for me, i would like to be told things in a way that i could understand it and not to repeat it over and over again as if i am stupid coz for me (i just dont know about the other) if i dont understand the instructions i would ask to repeat it to me, there's nothing wrong when asking.


I rather want to do t hings own way for i know what is the next step i would do if i finish one task and i am comfortable if i decide which goes first, but then it depends on th employer if he or she is not satisfied with what i do, she can say it to me and give me her opinion on how to do it.


if your helper is forgetful then put a list on what task needs to be donei ts okey to be reminded.


Family movements to be observed extends only yto child-minding, and child needs like activities in school, doctors appointment or tutorials. if elderly then extends also to are giving duties to elders like medicines she needs to take, daily exercise, but personal lives of emloyer is not of our business... take for instance my lady boss went for a vacation for 3 weeks keep texting me asking me if my sir is home, what time, eats the dinner here or what time he comes come or where he goes.... out of courtesy i replied if the husband is not here or he did not eat dinner in the house or did not come home. but when she ask me if where he go then i replied i dont know its not my business asking him where he was all night long. thats all we helpers no where are our boundaries for me thts it i just dont know for some

thank you for the replies.


i think i need to make my language clearer. i'll try not to use lists.


cindy - i'm sorry you get asked questions by your employers about each other. that's not fair!

It's going to be a long and winding list. For now..would like to share a published article I wrote


** some names ommitted




Her name to many is synonymous to that of an angel. Her kindness is legendary and the accolades she had received and still receiving in recognition for such in terms of medals, plagues, trophies, thank you cards( both from the young one and the young once); through framed , beautiful painting professionally done or made out from cardboards by awkward and unskilled little hands of a kindergarten in a special school; through poetries and numerous articles written about her could put Imelda Marcos collection of shoes to shame.



Mrs.*** - Member of the order of British Empire (MBE) a British order of Chivalry; Justice of Peace ( JP) - a title of honor given by the Government to community leaders, and to certain officials while they are in their terms of offices ; Bronze Bauhinia Star awardees (BBS) for her outstanding service for a long period of time. She is a philanthropist, a groovy chick among her friends, ; Patron of many organizations (including The Writers' Guild) and to us, the lucky few... an employer.



To many, many out there who may have not known what she has done for them, she simply is the unknown " Mom". Someone’s unknown friend and benefactor.



When I asked Lola ( grandma), if I could write something about her she kindly said yes, " but please nothing over the top!" A request which to me, is more challenging than being a grammatically and spelling impaired" writer.” For how could you tone down writing about someone who lived a very rich and sentient life in terms of anything and everything intrinsic, extrinsic, and even grand? Whose l personal experiences was (and still is) weaved into history by professional writers and historians so the future generations will “see” what is was like then? .


Mrs. **, unknown to many has done so much for the domestic helpers in Hong Kong. In the late 90’s, according to Miss. *** of International Social Service (ISS), the Director for Migrant Workers Programme, Mrs. *** personally funded the first two years of such project that directly helped helpers in distress. They offered counseling, referrals, and legal assistance, among others. Not only that, soon volunteers where “recruited” to help run the center in Mong Kok. Volunteers who underwent weeks of training in team building, mental, physical, and psychological exercises needed to prepare oneself for the “ job”. I was one of them and the training, in my opinion, somehow made us become more understanding and patient and yet, at the same time made us strong enough to stand up for ourselves and our group.



The center eventually offered classes in Cantonese, Computer programming, dressmaking, soap and fruit carvings, among others. Some of those volunteers were active in different organizations and some, later on became founders and chair of certain groups, like myself.



Her foundation started what are now recognized and registered charities. One of them, in particular created with domestic helpers in mind- The airport information ambassadors. The group is composed of multi-ethnic people who give “quick” do’s and don’ts to new comers and returnees alike. Everyone gets a kit in his or her mother tongue with relevant information one needs to arm herself in a foreign land. The government, later on continued the project for they finally see the relevance and worth, of what they have thought as not so important then.

Mrs. ** believes in giving a buoy to the otherwise “ dreamers” to make her/his dreams come true. She is, a “ break” giver. The Writers Guild would have remained nothing but a dream if not for her. Now, we are growing slowly and steadily and I believed, we help our contributors feel the joy by seeing their by-lines. Writing helped them conquer their loneliness and give them a sense of self-confidence just as it did for me; and right now, I see much potential. On top of that, we are trying to help some individuals and organizations, in a quite way, for I believe, one do not need to blow his own horn for its importance to be felt.



Among the many cards we got from Mrs. **, the one she gave me on my 30th birthday said " life is not about the journey, but about the people you’ve met along the way". How true, for if I may say so, our ( her employees) many blessings happened when our path crossed. Like all foreign workers, our lives were full of trials and tribulations in terms of sickness and death in our families, found and lost loves, and financial problems among others. But we always managed to pull through, and realized that things could have been a lot worse if we happen to be working for someone else. Her kindness were not just limited to us, but is being extended to our friends and friends of that friend who all enjoyed our hospitality because she allowed us to. She would also let us have some “ friends and relatives” stay over when visiting or were terminated. In her home, whoever you are, you will be received with a smile and treated as a guest- a Graciousness that is shared by all of her family.




Sometimes, during our conversations, as I stare at her beautiful, deep blue eyes, listen to her soft voice, and see how fragile she is, I could not help but wish I could wrap her in an invisible bubble to protect her from any harm. To know someone like her the way we ( I) do, it is difficult not to feel protective of her. But the irony is, this dainty woman, in fact is the one looking after us.

Of all the things one could learn in life, she taught me something (that even she may not be aware of) , that I believe will always guide me in to the right track as a person and as a leader. That is, given the choice between being right to being kind, she always chooses to be kind.. Not that she could afford to be, she simply is.



Sometimes, someone might think that because of such kindness, one could get away with anything, that it could be taken advantage or even at some point abused. What one does not know is behind the gentle smile and the kind heart and the eager ears to listen; are years of experiences that comes with knowledge of what works best for whom. Eventually though, it is her very own kindness that molded and disciplined ( and shamed?) the recalcitrant ones ( if any).

Mrs. ** may have redefined generosity and understanding but it is her kindness that gives people hope and inspire them to carry on reaching for their dreams, knowing that she will be there smiling softly at you when you make mistakes. Smile that says, " It’s all right, try again.”


For the sake of fairness and so not to sound “smitten” by this extra ordinary woman, I feel that I must find something wrong about her to make her be more real and not just an entry to “ My ideal employer” essay contest .Nor do I need to ask for a raise ( I just got one) Her faults are these: She is too kind. She always understands. She is too energetic for an octogenarian. Too loving and caring to her family and friends. She always seem to have extra time in her hand to see how we are, not that she is being nosy but because she truly cares. She would carry/move chairs or small furniture around instead of call one of us. She would take her own suitcase down the stairs unless we beat her to it. She is very tidy and organized to the point that to us, hired to pick-up” after her, learned to be more organized from her.

Not all the Thank You in the world will ever be enough "payment" for all the goodness that she has done to this somewhat jaded world to make life bearable.. Not that she expected it. I could only wish, and urge everyone to find it in himself or herself to make sure that Kindness trickles down from one generation to another and will not become extinct. Then and only then, could we properly thank her, as we gently cup a trapped butterfly to set it free, as she would have done, if she is around.

you write very well souffleQueen.


I've seen some of your posts before and your feedback is always good. Would you ever run a course for employers to help them understand the needs and culture of their helpers?


I know the YWCA used to have such a course but the lady who ran it left Hong Kong. I would definitely take a course there if you taught it!

six, thanks. that was my first draft and un-edited. I'm flattered that you think I am qualified to run such course. But you just give me an idea. Currently, I am working on to allow us, helpers ( my members anyway) to get special permission to do voluntary works ( i.e join flag days, house cleaning/repair/painting to the poor and elderly etc ) I do, have a column called Cheating in The kitchen... it's somewhat complex tried and tested recipes simplified. Also, I'm trying to conduct a seminar to group leaders about alternative to Violence. It is not common that some helpers resorted to corporal punishment ( discretely) when their wards are being too difficult.

I will consider this and perhaps will do two session..one for employers and another for helpers.

wow! that's great souffleQueen!!just to let you know Im in! =D