Posted by
bkar25
16 yrs ago
I have a weird question for all of you. I would like to know who is responsible for paying for the DH's shampoo, conditioner, sanitary napkin so on and so forth.
I pay for my DH's food and i told her if she ever go to the grocery to buy any food ahe can keep the receipt. Although we are not entitled to pay her any food allowance. I am always king and offer her all the food no matter how expensive. Also, i treated her like a family member and would take her to all expensive resturants although i take care of my daughter while i am in the resturant. But, i think she started taking advantage of me and puts all the receipts including her napkin. Also, we stayed in a suite for quite sometime in one of the HK's best place and she was also given all the italian toiletries in the bathroom. Even i did not buy any of those while we were living there. But, the first time she came she said she wants her own brand of toiletries and later i found she even used to ask for extra's from house keeping people. She is nice otherwise and we pay her more than basic salary. But, i sometimes feel if she is taking advantage of me. If you have any thoughts let me know.
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Thanks cara. On christmas note, i give her a hefty sum of money and she was in tears when i gave her. I do not htink they really care about a expensive money rather they would think she could have given me the money for it.
the money for a shampoo is not a big deal but the thought that although she is nice but taking advantage of me is sad.
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I don't pay for our helpers extras. We don't have any system of refunding her for things unless it's to buy something for us. She eats the same food as us and can spend her sundays cooking up her own food she buys with her own money if she wants.
You have to realise compared to many people in HK they are already getting a very good wage and unless you are working her to the bone and treating her like crap you don't need to spoil her.
If you want to give her gifts it should be just because you want to, not something she buys and then charges you for, that's no fun!
My friends helper has a very bad reputation cause my friend gives her a very good deal, and she laughs about my friend behind her back and boasts to all of them how good she has it. I want to tell my friend out right that her helper is a lazy so and so who is fully taking advantage and doesn't even work if she's not there. But I can't cause my friend likes her, and she obviously doesn't really care or she would have done something to stop her.
But her helper is not well liked by the other helpers in the area cause she lazy and proud and also tries to borrow money from them.
She can probably afford her own shampoo out of her salary!!
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I aggree with you mumof2boys.... Food i can still take... but, when it came to her sanitary napkin... it really bothers... so wanted to get a feeling what others think. My DH is nice but also at the same time she tells me although she is a DH she also has one DH at her home in phillipines....she thinks she is very cultured and boasts about all these.
Let's be frank here... DH's are not our friends or families. I am sure they complain a lot about us behind our back....
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"I am sure they complain a lot about us behind our back...."
Some probably do. Some probably don't.
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You signed a contract with the FDH so what does it say? If its mentioned then you must provide (legally) if not mentioned you don't have to (legally). Over and above the legal side its up to you.
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beancurd... looks like you are DH's lawyer.... of course i treated her like a family member but, it is mean of them to take advantage of their employers. i can afford to buy her sanitary napkin even if she bleeds everyday but only if her attitude had not changed and being lazy and forget ful at her work.
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This is a advice forum not a judgement forum... so beancurd please stop giving your unsolicitated judgement like who is mean or not..... People come here to get to know how other people are doing on a similar kind of problem not to get unsolicitated judgement from people like you
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bkar25, you're right...but beancurd was definitely right...FHD are not your friends nor families but FDHs are the people you are entrusted of your loved ones, children, parents, etc..you're living in under one roofso how could you say they are not your friends? if u dont want to provide her sanitary napkins just confront her..good confrontation wont harm you..
give and take....
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stanleyDH, i probably really went overboard in considering her as my family member when i noticed she started taking advantage of me. I would still say she is nicer than many helpers and that is the only reason why she is still employed with me. But when you see that somebody is always taking you for granted will make you sad.
many times although people warned me but still i chatted with her about her family, her old age, how she should plan for her retirement (becoz she is old enough to retire now).
Napkin was just a small example but many times she gave me the attitude that she comes from a very cultured hi fi family in phillipines which i thought was wrong, in that case i thought she should not be a helper instead should be the queen.
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Different employers offer and provide different things so it's important to make clear on interviewing what you are happy to pay for and what you aren't so as to avoid any confusion. Perhaps her last employer paid for such things so she has assumed you will too.
Either way having a chat with her will clarify the situation it's not after all a big deal or drama just crossed wires.
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cd
16 yrs ago
She should buy her own personal things. Either give her food or a food allowance, anything else is up to them. How many employers do you know that supply shampoo, sanitary items etc.
I've decided that the best way to have a DH is to go by the book. Treat them fair but as an employee. Do everything by the book, i.e. legally, get them to sign for wages etc.
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Exactly this is what i learnt from my experience. Since this was my first time to hire i did not know all these. Like she asked for advance the second day she was at my house and said she does not have money for medicine for her parents back home. She continues to ask for advance every other month... but i never got anything signed and also my policy was that if somebody is not happy at my house how can she take care of my child.... i usually go soft when it comes to parents medicine, son's college etc. But now i decided next time i hire i am going to go just legally by the book.
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beancurd you should know that i am not looking for sympathy......please stop giving your 2 cents advice
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'many times although people warned me but still i chatted with her about her family, her old age, how she should plan for her retirement (becoz she is old enough to retire now).
Napkin was just a small example but many times she gave me the attitude that she comes from a very cultured hi fi family in phillipines which i thought was wrong, in that case i thought she should not be a helper instead should be the queen.'
bkar25, I'm confused by what you say there. A woman who is old enough to retire (I'm guessing 60, perhaps 65) will most likely have gone through menopause and will not need sanitary hygiene products.
She may be considered high status or classy where she's from, it's all relative, you can't be the one to judge unless she is acting like the work of a FDH is below her...then she needs an attitude adjustment chat as you don't apply for a job you don't plan to do well.
Also, you need to stop contradicting yourself. It doesn't make you sound very clever.
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I predict you're going to run into problems in the future if you decide to withdraw various benefits, advances, etc as it's just like if you have a pet dog who for the 1st 5 years eats scraps from the table at dinner time and sleeps in the masters bed and then has to sleep in the laundry and eat dry food.....doggie will not be happy.
Note to everyone...I am in no way comparing FDH's nor any other people to dogs!!!
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