Posted by
SweetTooth
16 yrs ago
I have a random question but was curious as to what others do....I have a new helper and she asked whether she can use our plates, cups, bowels, utensils, etc. when she eats her food or should she buy her own set of wares/utensils. She said that her previous employer didn't allow her to use their personal wares. So she had to get her own wares/utensils and kept it separate from her employer's wares. Its not like we're using our fine China for everyday use, so I don't see a problem with her sharing our wares/utensils. Plus, I could do without extra stuff in our small kitchen. Any thoughts?
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Our helper uses everything we use, except for my own personal coffee mug (which no one drinks out of, i'ts a personal coffee addiction thing!), she also has her own personal coffee mug which she prefers to drink out of.
I would never expect our helper to provide her own kitchen wares. You are right, doing without the extra clutter is a must over here.
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Our helper uses our stuff. The exceptions are things like "personal cups" and such. I never really thought about this. I mean a plate is a plate and they get washed the same regardless of user so it makes no difference to me.
She also uses my wife's raincoat if it is raining and she needs to run out. She eats her own food, but if we don't want some leftovers she is welcome to them. If she wants a soda she can take one. Within reason, we have no problem with her grabbing the occasional food item.
"i never would allow my helper eat from my dish or drink from my glass. just by her a own set."
It's your choice obviously, but I am curious as to why.
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I've never heard of the like why on earth would you not want your helper who lives in your home using your utensils and plates etc. Would guests also be expected to bring all there own eating items and a cup with them when they visit.
Most people have there own coffee cup it's just one of those things but I doubt we all fight to use the same plate etc at lunch time.
How can anyone feel welcome and comfortable under these circumstances….
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cc77
16 yrs ago
"The thing is, if you go out to restaurants, you eat and drink from the same cups and plates as hundreds of other people who have visited the same restaurants.... even helpers who go there. So what's the difference? "
This is exactly the same as I was going to write....well said :)
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Let's try to avoid this discussion turning into one of those "some people don't deserve helpers" threads. This issue is easily resolved by accepting whatever the helper is comfortable with.
My experience is that, although my helpers are welcome to use our kitchen stuff, all of my helpers in the last 12 years have preferred their own plates, mugs and utensils (which they keep in their room).
We have a large helper's room with an adjacent utility room which houses a separate helper's fridge. It is a private space which i think the helpers appreciate (I did have to veto the electric ring a previous helper wanted to cook on, though!).
When I hired my first helper some 12 years ago, I noticed that she used a white melamine plate and reminded her that she was free to use any plate she wanted. she smiled and went on using her white plate.
About 3 years ago when I painted and redid the helper's room myself, I noticed a whole battery of plates, bowls, mugs and cutlery on about 4 shelves in the room. Many of these were disposable and in poor condition so I threw most of them out and bought good quality plates, bowls and mugs - the same sort I use.
I have never seen my current helper use any of these new things! Rather than use the bone china mugs she uses one of the chunky mugs left by a previous helper and, a few months ago, I recognised the white melamine plate in the sink!
When I asked her why she used that plate she said that she worried about breaking something of ours and basically was more relaxed with using the stuff she knew had no value (and, in the case of the white plate, couldn't be broken).
So, as far as i'm concerned there is no big ethical dilemma - let her do what she is comfortable with - I expect, if my helpers are representative of the FDH population, she will prefer her own plates.
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ours use the same stuff we do - but strangely their own mugs, even tho i really dont care if they use ours - good point about restaurants axptguy - i would be way more worried about using plates etc in some of hte restaurants than to share them with my helpers!
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A helper choosing not to use stuff in case she breaks it is not the same as a helper being told she is not to use the utensils, plates etc in the house and she is to provide her own.
The helper concerned in this thread actually asked if she could use the plates etc and the poster wanted to know what people think.
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"When I hired my first helper some 12 years ago, I noticed that she used a white melamine plate and reminded her that she was free to use any plate she wanted. she smiled and went on using her white plate."
Classic. And very sweet.
"good point about restaurants axptguy "
That wasn't me. ;)
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i never would allow my helper eat from my dish or drink from my glass. just by her a own set.
--- F355 my, my, I expected this from you :) hehehe
My ex-helper asked me the same thing when she joined our family for the first time. Whether she can use our plates, cups, etc. I was surprised when she asked and when I enquired, she said the same thing, that her previous employer never allowed her to use any of their utensils and dishes.
she said her previous employer said she just wants to be safe.. I was like: Be safe from what? It's not like she has some contagious disease?! She was allowed to use anything, from plates to utensils... we all have our personal mugs - she has her own mug as well.. it's same as the post above, it's addiction to coffee and sipping it right from your fave mug... :)
Oh well, at least now I know that there are other mean people aside from my ex-helper's previous employer and of course, our darling in the forum - F355 lol
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sorry!! MayC - good point about restaurants!!
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F355, as with axptguy38, i am also curious as to why you don't allow your helper to use your utensils.
I assume she prepares your food with her own two hands, or do you make her wear gloves? Is it a hygiene thing or a worry about breaking things?
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"she said her previous employer said she just wants to be safe.. I was like: Be safe from what? It's not like she has some contagious disease?"
Indeed. In any case I would be quite surprised if any disease survived proper dish washing.
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lol axptguy38 it's just people think differently c",)
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"lol axptguy38 it's just people think differently c",)"
Hehe yes.
I don't mind if people have different opinions. What ticks me off is when they offer justifications which are not based on fact, and are just blatant covers for being snotty. The worst thing is that most of these people live in some sort of imaginary world that has nothing to do with reality. They are afraid to take in new information in case it clashes with their comfortable and convenient pocket universe.
If someone says "I don't feel comfortable with the helper using our stuff since she is not part of the family" I can respect that opinion (although perhaps not agree). If someone says "I want to be safe" about the same thing I just get annoyed at how petty the person is.
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cd
16 yrs ago
I'm with smallfry on this one. Although we've told each of our helpers they can use any of our plates etc, they've all got their own and keep them in their room. Maybe they just like having their own belongings around them.
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A helper choosing not to use stuff in case she breaks it is not the same as a helper being told she is not to use the utensils, plates etc in the house and she is to provide her own.
-- Moppet's right. These are two different situations:
One is it's the helper's choice not to use her employer's utensils because of the worry that she might break something and have to pay for it whilst the other one is being told by the employer not to use their stuff for whatever reason the employer might have.
--- If the helper wishes not to use her employer's utensils, then it's her choice
--- If the employer wishes her helper not to use her utensils, then it's another thing -- it's being unreasonable :/
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cc77
16 yrs ago
7 out of 10 helpers would say they want their own plates , spoon and fork especially if your helper is a filipino... 9 out of 10 would want their own mugs just like any other people who got their fave coffee mugs( but also fine with them to use their employers stuff if they are allowed to) . its a great feeling for the helper to know that their employer is alllowing them to use theirs but for some employers like F355 i'm just wondering if your helper isn't cursing you.
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cc77
16 yrs ago
; D xmauix
he/she should cook his/her food from now on then..hehe
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FKKC
16 yrs ago
All FDH we hired (past, present and in the future) can take the liberty of using whatever we are using in terms of dishes, plates, utensils in the house. My present one requests to have her own cup with a lid and we obliged her.
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mrsl
16 yrs ago
I had never heard of this before. It would never cross my mind to ask a helper (or anyone else) to use different crockery. It's different if she prefers to use certain plates etc. I cannot imagine what harm people think can come from using the same things.
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maxis
16 yrs ago
If she prefers to have her own, and it instigated by her, then that is fine, and should be respected. But, if otherwise, it is disgraceful.
If you are scared of her breaking it, well she is hardly likely to use your best stuff (like what you use when you have guests) in the kitchen anyhow! Further, she is more likely to break things whilst washing up, so what's the big deal?
But if it is a hygeine thing, then it is pretty weird to consider someone diligent enough to cook hygenically, wash dishes properly, prepare food safely, wash and care for the kids, but too dirty to allow their lip to touch a fork or rim of a glass!
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EXACTLY maxis! Well said.
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This is interesting because when I came to HK 20 years ago and was invited to eat together with a group of people I was so shocked, and a little put off when every one used their chopsticks to eat from the dishes ordered up from the kitchen.
In the western culture it is considered very improper to eat from your fork and then use the same fork to dish up more food. Of course, now that SARS has come and gone, many restaurants give "serving shopsticks" with each dish, many, but not all restaurants....
My point is, if you can share your chopsticks in such a manner with the people you work with or friends, can can't even share clean dishes etc with your DH who lives with you and cares for your family and possessions without cringing, then what is that all about???
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Ed
16 yrs ago
F355 is banned. If you see any unacceptable comments please hit Report Abuse
Thanks
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well done Ed, F355 has been asking for it for a while now. cant believe there are people out there like him/her...
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i ran into this old thread and found it interesting. just wanted to share my personal view on this. i'm thinking there might be some cultural difference going on there. in my experience, chinese people have several things at home that they don't like to share with people outside of the family. dishes, spoons, forks, chopsticks, etc. are one of those. as far as i know a lot of chinese familiies have separate sets for family members and for guests. no offense, but just habit. just like most people on this forum probably won't share personal mugs (if they have one) with others, a lot of chinese families extend this rule to include other things they use to eat or drink.
one other thing is the toilet. have you wondered why a 600 sq f. apartment need have two bathrooms, one of which is named a "guest bathroom"? i would rather they elimiate that bathroom and make the living room bigger, but apparently that's not what many local people prefer.
still another thing i noticed is the washer. i think chinese people prefer not to share washer either. most people either have a washer at home or, if they don't have one, they wash their clothes by hand. people normally only send to the outside cleaner the large pieces such as a quit or thick winter outfit that they cannot wash at home. i'm chinese and when i first went to the US it took me a while to get used to the idea of sharing a washer with all the people in my apartment building. quite frankly i was shocked to see that most people also used the public washer to laundry their underwear (if you look at a relevant forum, a lot of chinese students new to the US actually asked about whether you can contract some kind of disease if you laundry your underwear that way) . . . of course i got used to sharing a washer and some years later when i came to hong kong i was even a little surprised to find that every apartment for rent had its own washer.
is any of these scientifically grounded? not really, but they are habits, and may not mean an offense. yes it does not seem quite logical when they eat at the restaraunt all the time but when they are at home they do not want to share plates with a non-family member. same thing as they go to public bathrooms all the time but they still want non-family members to go to the "guest bathroom" at home. whether a helper should be viewed as a family member is another question.
don't mean to defend or argue anything; just wanted to offer a little different perspective.
as to what we do with our helper: when we first came to hong kong we only rushed to get two sets of tablewares for ourselves. later on we bought a 8-person set but only use it when we have guests. when we hired our helper, we gave her a set (including a bowl, a spoon, a fork, a cup) we got as a gift from a supermarket and several containers and told her if she needed anything else she'd let us know. she's pretty happy with those and never seemed to need anything else. she of course uses her own bathroom. as for laundry, she uses the washer freely but no underwear goes in, not only hers but also ours -- sorry still cannot get over it and both my husband and i still handwash our underwear, and by ourselves (not the helper)!
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i read an article about a domestic helper who wasn't allowed to use the home's bathroom either so she had to run down the local public toilet when needed.
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