Domestic Helper Relationship Breakdown - concerned about our baby

we've had a FDH for just over a month through an agency. we have an 18 month old child, who's had a few illness problems in her first year so we went for a helper with some nursing qualifications. unfortunately the working relationship with this FDH hasn't worked out and without going into too many details we feel the FDH is trying to get herself terminated as soon as possible so she can return home presumably with a months wages.


Unfortunately from the outset she's has been very surly and has been reluctant to general domestic duties such as cleaning and cooking, despite being told this was required - in her previous job she was employed as a nanny only (in Saudi Arabia) now after just 4 weeks she seems unhelpful with my child who has been ill for the past week with vomitting and diahorrea, almost to the point of negligence. both my wife and i work long hours. the agency tell me it'll take three months to replace the FDH.


despite my best efforts to try to placate and get the best out of the FDH i am quite concerned about my child and the quality of care she is getting. three months is too long to wait and will be too worrying for my wife and I.


what options are there for couples who need to get a new helper quickly or or have concerns about their child's well-being - incidentally i'm referring to negligence not harm. Are there any other options, we should consider, we are not financially loaded but are comfortable and can consider paying more for someone with a nicer demeanour and a bit more enthusiasm. or even considering short-term more expensive option, live-out but not sure if this is legal


my wife is chinese i am western


all advice greatly appreciated

Negligence can amount to gross misconduct (allowing termination without notice) if it can be shown that your helper is consistently failing to meet the reasonable standard expected of her.


If you and your wife both work long hours though, it may be difficult to prove. Your helper may say, possibly truthfully, that she is unable to cook, clean AND look after a sickly small child and this is why the cooking and cleaning parts of the job are not being done. You will need to assess whether the demands which are being made of her are reasonable to claim negligence.


It appears you have decided there is no possibility of salvaging the relationship. In that case,you should put pressure the agency to expedite a replacement and in addition, should speak to other agencies and use other methods of finding a new helper quickly.


How to proceed in the short term until the new helper arrives depends on whether you plan on keeping the existing helper until then. I thinnk it is most useful to think in terms of the discrete parts of the job (childcare, cleaning, cooking) and dividing these up until you have a new helper.


If the relationship has deteriorated to the extent that you are concerned for your child, I would find a new carer immediately (this may be a baby- sitting/nanny agency such as Mums R Us). A more expensive option but one that should give you peace of mind.


If you decide to release your helper with a month's pay in lieu of notice you could use a maid service for cleaning in the short term and do your own cooking/eat out/take away/order in food during this period.


If you think it will be tolerable, you could engage a carer for the child and ask your helper to only cook and clean (until you are able to replace her). In this case, you should explain to her how the household is going to work (no need to tell her that it only in the short term) and provide a written warning about her short-comings to date. Personally, I would find this option unpleasant and would prefer a clean break even if costs a month's salary.


A final short term option is to give your helper childcare responsibility only and get a part-time helper (preferably legal - your helper could report you for any illegal worker if she is vindictive) to cook and clean (or get a cleaning service).


In your interviews with the replacement helper, consider whether it is possible for any one person to perform the job to your expectations. If your expectations are high, consider hiring two helpers or supporting that person by hiring occasional ancillary help (cleaning, cooking, babysitting).

I know an experienced child care FDH who's just released & gone back. She is responsible & can do the job well. Call my Direct line 3553 1260 if you're hiring a new one. It takes 4-6 weeks for the visa.The agency recommendation are not totally reliable.

hi

we've just been thru it all ourselves. our helper basically did anything and everything possible to get us to terminate her. she neglected my kids, lied and even had the audacity to call the police ( they yelled at her instead for wasting their time). fortunately, we kept a daily log of her negligence and after we found someone, gave her a 1 month notice period (with warning including all items she was negligent of) with a witness present. however, to answer ur q, the police did tell us there were agencies in mong kok who could help u hire locals easily. we hired a local filipina lady who has been such a fantastic help. i think the minimum it takes is 4 weeks for a new lady unless u hire someone who has finished her contract and can start for u immediately. then terminate immediately and ask the new lady to move in. hope this helps

thanks to all for replies so far. the helper has actually now told us she wants to resign but hasn't given us a reason or a letter. i guess until a letter is written, it's not official, however her continued unenthusiastic and surly manner convinces me she will not change her mind. the agency we used is the one that advertises on tv regularly, and they have told us that she only needs to give one month notice and in fact can leave immediately if she pays us one month of her wages. they have also told us that it will take a minimum of 2 and possibly up to 3 months for them to find us a replacement and get the paperwork done. so if as is likely our helper leaves in one months time, we are looking at a shortfall of two months without a helper for my young baby. sadly the agency do not have responsibility to help us although they have offered to try to speak to the helper to sort out any problems. i believe the helper wasn't happy when she arrived and that there are problems out of our control, possibly at her home which we cannot solve. thanks for your fair and considered comments smallfry but i think the workload expectation and the working environment are not unreasonable far from it, if anything we are over-accommodating in our approach, due partly to my unease of being an employer (all down to my being the product of British working class background).

i looked at some of the western nanny sites and these seem to be in the region of 30,000HKD plus for a 9-5 nanny, for a month. this is a considerable sum, and whilst no sum is too much for my child if we have to do this then i will need to minimise the time.

ms1 mentioned agencies in Mongkok who are able to get thru the red tape quicker, i'd love to have some more details on these. and thanks to chinaredhk i think my wife has called you about your tip. any others who have new advice this is also appreciated.

one other thing, when we found our helper it was with the big agency, but they didn't allow us to interview the helper on skype. the best we got was a cue carded video then a 20 minute pre-arranged phone call in their office. do any agencies allow you to skype the helper? what i don't want to happen is the scenario where we employ another helper on the basis of an agency testimonial only to find out the helper is quite different in reality. skype may not be a replacement for face to face but at least you know you are interviewing the actual maid you are considering.

many thanks

This is how we hire our helper a year ago:

We contact the agency and tell them what qualify we are looking for. If they see that they have some compatible profile they will arrange the candidate from their home country flying to HK as a tourist - at this state we are not agree to employ any of them yet.

Later on we have face-to-face meeting. It went so well that we agree to let the woman do her 5-days trial period with us and, in this case, we hire her afterward. However, if we are not happy with her we will just have to pay the agency admin fees and the return fly for the candidate. Once we signed the contract we have to wait until she get her helper visa, which takes about 5-6 weeks and she has to go back and waiting for her visa in her country, and then she can start working with us officially. During this time, we hire part-time nanny from Rent-A-Mom which is a bit pricey but very reliable and I and my husband have to take few days off work sometimes.

You might think it was a little bit cheeky what we did by flying them as a tourist in order to have face-to-face interview and have her for a trial period but it was the best way that we've done and we are very happy with our helper so far. Imagine you try and test stuffs when you go shopping before you decided to buy something or your company would have 3 mths probation period so why not do it when employing your helper too?

Hi all, hope you can help with some advice..


I have a friend who is a DH looking after an elderly gentleman. She does not get 24hrs off, only sat or sun afternoon as she has to cook meals for him. Her contract finishes in Oct, can she leave/find a new contract before then? She's 24, degree, great English and filipina. The family members have bullied her into believing that it is normal, I don't think its fair, what can she do?

HI joegrandee, I had an almost similar situation as yours a couple of months ago when my helper decided to resign from her post after working only for a month with us.


Like you, I couldn't trust her with my kids anymore and I had to find someone reliable asap.


My advice to you is to go to the Domestic Help section of this site and register. You can access that page and all the domestic helpers' data. YOu can call them to arrange for interview.


You can prioritize those who will finish their contract as they don't need to wait for another 4 - 6 weeks. They can start working as soon as their paper works are done which usually takes a week or two.


Good Luck.

I can't believe it could take your agency 3 months to find a helper with all the DH looking for jobs all over the place, even if you take into account the time they need to check references etc...

Find another agent, and as suggested above, do your own hunting, too, with this website and others. Speak to your neighbours and friends and see how they can help.

Owain 1972, I think you should start a new thread, but your friend has 14 days to find a new job after she is terminated / resigns before she has to leave the country.

thanks for all replies some great advice in there. the situation has kind of got weird. the FDH gave a verbal resignation on monday and packed her bags, we had to ask her to stay for the sake of our child. tuesday she and my wife spoke to the agency to sort out the problem without success. she feels we expect too much of her, but i honestly think not. anyway conclusion was that she would fill out the resignation letter and one month notice would start from then. now today, wednesday she has declared she wants to stay. unfortunately her desire to stay has not been matched by an improvement in her demeanour/enthusiasm for the job, she remains miserable and po-faced even when alone with my young child. now my feeling is that i can't rely on her and as she isn't happy enthusiastic in the job i should terminate her. however my better nature has told me i should give her one months notice as termination is unfair and mean-spirited

If you don't trust her around your child, I suggest you give her one month's salary in lieu of notice and tell her to leave immediately. That is very fair - she's walking away with all that money even though she's hardly been fair to you.


When you hire your next helper, in order to prevent problems, just double-check with her that she's happy with the workload and type of duties. I think you wrote before that this lady you now have was previously doing nanny-only duties? my guess is that she can't accept doing housework.


A good method that many people use is to hire someone who was working similar hours, doing similar duties, for similar money, under similiar conditions in their previous job and had a good reason for leaving. That means you probably want a local hire who can start straight away who has done childcare + housework for two working parents and is used to same or less pay than you can offer.


When you interview, don't ask "what hours are you willing to work?" or some such question, as they all say "6am - 11pm" even though half of them would be very unhappy with that. Instead perhaps talk through a typed out basic schedule and see if they are willing and able to do all the duties and work for the length of time required.

zorglub, thanks for the advice, will figure out how to do that and try.