Just would like to know what others think..
Our helper is nice enough no complaints about her work. However she has a v strong personality is not unassuming like alot of helpers and will not think twice about saying no or I don't think so. I work so have always been happy to let her get on with it!! However I recently paid for her to go home as she said her father passed away events have led me to doubt her story but thats another issue. She has now been telling me all sorts of info I certainly don't want to know like how she can't get on with other helpers in our residence. How she was accosted by 2 helpers on Sunday who were drunk and called her a bullshitter the helper who did this is according to her is mistress of someone in a different tower. O and she mentioned that when the wife comes home she keeps her clothes in her room. I feel this is not at all appropriate. I also asked her not to put a certain drink on the table unless we ask for it, instead of saying ok or yes mam she was looking at my husband and trying to get him to laugh. I'ts like she wants to undermine what I say. She has suddenly gone from being smart and capable to a liability. Advice please
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Have a chat with her and tell her what you think. Perhaps she is not even aware she is doing it.
I think assertiveness is good in some respects. Certainly I would rather have a helper who tells me what she thinks. There is a fine line though and she needs to learn not to cross it.
I do agree that you don't need all this "personal" stuff. Tell her that is her business.
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4G
16 yrs ago
hermionepark
Im going thr the same attitude with mine ,but thank god she is going herself
Whatever I say to her , she makes me feel I dont know anything ,even if i want to cut costs ,she makes me feel Im crazy and she has never seen an employer like me
She is extremely filthy and if I tell her why does she need to be so dirty esp when she is handling our food ,she says she has no idea what Im saying ,when she cooks of course kitchen is going to get dirty
Also she backanswers
I have never felt so mentally drained , so am extremely happy she is going
Just sharing a similar situation of a helpers assertiveness but in the negative way
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Get rid. Your own home, your rules.
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You should talk with her. "An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure". Before things get worst. I have experienced this situation a number of times. First, I ignored then suddenly it was too late. Things get out off hand. You lost control. And your helper does not seem to listen anymore....
If she still behaving "too assertive", then, it is your way. If you still talk with her (again and again) then it is up to you.
There is no better way...if you feel comfortable with her, then go on. If you do not feel like then find another one.
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This sounds like what I went thru. It got to the point where she was playing me against my husband and my husband was starting to take her side! I tried to fire her twice and my husband insisted she stay. no there was nothing going on - she much older and not very attractive. By the third time I told him it was either her or I so eventually he agreed to let her go.
Her attitude was the same, in addition to sitting and chatting with my friends as though she was part of our party. No respect for me. I lived with this for 6 years and when she was finally gone and I hired a lovely woman in her place, my entire life changed.
Don't bother speaking to her. Just get rid of her. There are some lovely, respectful EMPLOYEES who know that it's a job and that they're not part of the family!
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To have respect you need give respect,always treat people the way you would expect to be treated yourself.I wouldnt ask anyone to do anything I wouldnt do myself(have you seen some of these poor girls in high rises cleaning windows OUTSIDE,yes some do fall to their deaths as well) You should speak to her tell her how you feel,sometimes our personalities can clash best to clear the air.If your happy with her work why get rid,unless she really drives you crazy,sometimes better the devil you know.Not all people can work on their own initutive which would make you go crazier.Also how can you say not part of the family,in our case with 4boys under 5years they love thier Aunties,so for us an extended family.Good luck anyway
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Hermione, This is your situation and not anyone else's. I too lived with an "assertive" helper. Frankly she was manipulative and verbally abusive of both me and my husband. She refused to listen and would do things her way. When I asked her not to let our baby nap on our bed, she didn't listen. The baby fell off the next day when I was at work. The baby is fine, thank God, but the helper had to be fired. I learned a lot of lessons and the biggest one is that if someone is disrespectful to you in your own home, you cannot fix them with kindness. Kindly request them to move along and you will teach your children the value of dignity and respect.Best of luck to you.
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Immediately get another helper. Don't ever take such bull sh*t especially if they pit husband and wife against each other.
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your husband need to take a stand for u and tell her what u as a family expect. if she doesn't get it, move on and get another helper.
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"Hermione, This is your situation and not anyone else's."
Well-said, Hillsiver. I agree with you completely. So often when it is a thread about helpers, ppl will jump in with all sorts of completely irrelevent and unnecessary (not to mention judgemental) comments that have nothing to do with the situation in hand.
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very well said sara jane,.I agree with you..
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Im not condoning people being rude,we all screw up from time to time has long as its not too serious like child hospitalised through not listening.Some of you sound soo angry still thru your postings of your helpers. My suggestion was to talk thru the problems and if not resolved then get someone else which takes a while to do.We can all get complacent about helpers but at the end of the day we are privliged to have them,I certainley didnt have help in UK. My husband whos been here 27 years sometimes says to me your not a princess with staff to run around after you,it just puts things into perspective. I was screwed around with a previous helper lied to in the end(a lot)she got a job in Canada.Is was really pi###d at the time.My friend said let go of the anger,cos it was eating into me,karma will follow.She was right the helper is in an easier job but more isolated and not happy, any Ive gone on too long so good luck with what what you decide to do
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