Stealing or not??

Please help! I'm not surewhat I'm supposed to buy for my helper.

What do most people buy for their helpers? Is it only food? Am I supposed to supply my helper with shampoo, medicine, pens, stationery paper, toothpaste, hand lotion, shoes, etc.? Many times I've found small things my helper has taken from us in her room. Last week, I found special shampoo or supplies I use in her bathroom and a few other toiletries that were obviously ours. When I asked her about it, she denied it. It was obvious though because the items were from the a certain hotel we'd gone to. Finally after a lot of denial, she made up a story, then finally she admitted to taking things saying she didn't think we needed them. We do have extra supplies, but I don't like her not asking me about them. I said I can buy her things if she asks, but she is not to take things without asking me. She was very angry or defensive that I'd mentioned it but she didn't say anything else. Do you consider taking those things stealing?

"Am I supposed to supply my helper with shampoo, medicine, pens, stationery paper, toothpaste, hand lotion, shoes, etc.? "


No.


Her behavior is definitely stealing. She should ask. Make this clear. Also make it clear that if the behavior continues you will need to terminate her.

This sounds like really bad news. She was angry and defensive instead of ashamed of stealing & apologetic? I would give her a warning that if she does it again she'll be fired. And you don't need to say you'll buy her stuff just to stop her from taking your things. Only buy her extras if she's working well.

It's a tricky situation. I included toiletries in our helpers contract, eg., shampoo, conditioner and soap. I really was in two minds what to include, if anything, as so many employers do and don't provide these things when I asked. Once I made the decision I had it in writing so there was no confusion.


I would try to discuss it with her, and voice your concern asking her that the only thing needed is honesty. If she is angry, then I agree with Snow Rose & expatguy, give her a warning that if it continues she will be terminated. That is what would happen in any employment situation, be it DH or office worker.

Yes its stealing. Its not so much the stuff, its the fact that she has gone into your bathroom cupboards, taken stuff out, then lied about it. Its a matter of trust. It may be shampoo now, whose to say other small items won't start disappearing.

You do not need to supply any of those items to your helper.

All you need to supply is food or a food allowance. If you really want to, increase the food allowance slightly to cover toiletries.

But definately give her a warning.

Many people begin a contract by providing some personal toiletries to their helpers with the condition that after they are used up, they will buy their own.

I think you may have more than one problem with your helper, and I don't think it is the "stealing". First, if she is so poor that she does not have enough money to buy any personal items and is too shy to tell you, that is a problem. Second, she did not feel safe enough to tell you the truth about taking the things and is very scared because she thought you were going through her room and became defensive. I suggest you have a sit down with this girl and tell you of your concerns about communication,and truthfullness, leave out the stealing part. If the items are the kind of hotel stuff, she probably thought she could use them without your notice and you would notice if she didn't wash her hair. If her job is cleaning the bathroom and house, I don't follow the claim that she is "going through your things and stealing" This is a two way street and I think you owe it to yourself and your family to spend some time to build up a higher level of communication.