Is my helper taking advantage of my easy going nature & kindness

I've had this helper for 3 months now and I just don't know what to do.

- She keeps feeling unwell, about 5 times now, not cold or cough but things like headaches, dizzyness, stomach aches and now she tells me that she has gallstones (even though during interview process, she said she had no health problems). She does not eat healthy - mainly raisin bread and noodles. Basically I provide food for her and is welcome to eat whatever we have in the kitchen and to get whatever she needs when grocery shopping (and I've told her several times to eat well). The only time she eats well is evening meals and thats beacuse I cook for the family.

- She once went to drop off some of my unwanted curtains to her friends place and decided that she was going to stay for dinner there without even asking me.

- always needing to go out to the shops to get a 'load' for her mobile phone.

- she needed to send money home urgently so I let her go during the day in the work week.

- she needed to give money to her friend on another day......so I let her go.

- her auntie who also works in HK got sick and my helper went to the hospital with her (which is fine) but she stayed over night and did not let me know.

- now she is sick and I've sent her to the doctor, but she wants to stay overnight with her auntie.

- Half the time she is in her room or on the phone.

- etc...

It just seems like one thing after another - I've never had anything like this before. I know there are worse situations out there. My last helper was wonderful and I would reward her with pay rise, bonus and extra trips back home.


How to appraoch?

Well, it does seem as if she is indeed taking advantage. Sit her down and have a good long conversation, making your expectations clear and talking about the things you are not happy with. Also tell her the things she is doing well (hopefully there are some). Make her understand that there has to be improvement or you will have to let her go.


If she tells you that she really does have to do all these things, tell her it is not acceptable and she has to find ways of running her private errands on her own time.


If she quits after the feedback session, as she might, good riddance. If she improves, great. If she stays the same, let her go.


To your specific points:

- Take her to the doctor for a check-up. A simple blood test and quick exam should glean out most health issues.

- If she is not "on duty", she should be able to go wherever she likes. You could, however, ask her to keep you informed of her whereabouts at least in a a general way.

- Tell her she can go load her phone on her free time.

- If the sending home money issue happens once in a blue moon, fine. Often, not so much.

- Same with the money to friends.

- If she stays out overnight she should let you know unless it is on her day off.

- She can stay out overnight occasionally if it does not interfere with duties, and of course on her day off.

- It is not acceptable for her to be in her room and/or on the phone if it interferes with her duties.

Hi,


Honestly there seems to be no reason to keep her. I don't think she will change her bad habits as there are so many !!! She is just taking BIG advantage of you. She will only try to get more out of you, not the other way round.

I would not bother to try to keep her. There are some really nice helper out there, so I would recommend you to look for a new one.

good luck

My helper is just like that, she does all the things listed above and more! she eats what we eat, plus she has another main meal (her own type of food), and also breakfast, hence she is overwight also. Lately she has been taking things out of our cupboards without asking, like a whole pack of goats cheese -eaten in one go, my art materials, because she fancies herself an artist, tablets from our bathroom cupboard and a large tiger balm patch All without asking, really I don't mind if she has a headache or an achy back, and needs a tablet or a patch- but I do think she should ask, it is only manners. I have bought her some coloured pencils and a sketch pad, and told her not to take my stuff, she draws like the avarage 9yr old and I object to expensive stuff being used without consent.We go on holiday at the weekend and need her there to look after our dog, but after that we are going to sit her down, and have a chat, and also give her a written warning this time, as she has had many verbal warnings. My only concern is that she might steal things while we are away, All the expensive stuff is in the safe, and I have locked filing cupboards. I did think of surveilance camera.s but she would see me putting them up, as she is always around. I don't think she is going to reign long with us, the atmostphere is so bad when she is told off about taking things. Her last employer only had her for 11 months and thought she was wonderful, but both the people were working so perhaps didn't see what she got up to while they were out of the house.

Thanks for the replies

I new I was being a doormat - just neede confirmation.

By the way - how much is a fair amount for monthly food allowance?


Thx

600-800 is a good amount for food allowance. I would say 400 is an absolute minimum. This assumes she eats none of your food.

400 is enough for a helper's breakfast..so u still need to provide her lunch and dinner u give her 400

Kenny L - that is ridiculous! The allowance is an alternative to her eating your food. If she prefers to eat your food then no allowance. Sounds like the OP was ok with her eating their food but the helper chooses to eat noodles etc instead. They are grown women and should not have to be force feed "good" food to ensure that they are healthy.


To the original OP. Sounds like she is taking the p**s indeed. If you want to give her another chance then have the chat and wait for improvement.


Good luck. We have a great helper who makes our lives easier not harder.

I give my helper an allowance to buy her food every month because she didn't eat what I provided her when she started to work with us. Also my husband and I tend to eat late and eat out often so giving her an allowance makes everyone's life easier.


Regarding the allowance, it depends what that allowance includes. My helper uses the money to buy meat and vegetables, maybe some snacks. She shares our rice, noodles, sauce, condiments, coffee and our Chinese soup.

How much is 'enough'?


Some like going to the market and cooking for themselves so $800 is more than enough for one person. Others who like fine dining 5 times a week would need $8000 a month. We budget according to our income. $800 is a good 20 percent of an average helper's income. For those on $50K a month, $10K on food is a little extravagant but sounds about right. When I came to HK 12 yrs ago, my first pay cheque was $8000 and I survived nicely on a $1000 food budget and that included eating out and drinks in LKF every Friday. Don't worry employers, $740 is a nice allowance for helpers.

800 per month is more than enough for real food (meat, vegetables etc) bought at market and grocery store, and even an occasional snack at mac donalds. i speak out of experience... but surely if one can afford and has the habit for shopping sprees, starbucks and dining out, it would be easy to spend more.

I think sit her down and talk to her to figure something out, but then this might backfire and she will do things behind your back! If I were you I would just get a new helper. ( I don't think there is any hospital that allows for guest to stay over night unless maybe it is a private hospital! ) She seems really unreliable. So why put yourself throught this trouble and head ache!

Ok.........I sat her down and discussed all the issues with the helper.

- The healthy eating issue resolved - she said she was unsure what she was allowed to use, even though I had made it clear previously that what ever I had in the kitchen, she could use and my kitchen is well stocked. (Although she is till eating cup noodle everyday for lunch)

- The stomach problem - well when she came back home after seeing the doctor, I asked her what the problem was. First, she said that there is air trapped in her stomach because she has her fan on all night directly facing her (according to the doctor!!?). Then she said that she was not eating properly (hence my worries about her eating healthily). After that, she tells me that she suffers from nervousness and that makes her feel sick.

- Regarding the cleaning (or lack of), she would like more guidance and for me to make a schedule. This is after (during her first week) I went through each room of my apartment and pointed out what needed to be done and how often, I even asked her to right it down and figure out her own schedule.

- The issue re. running her private errands during the work week, I told her to do in her private time.

- she still wants to continue to work for me after I asked if she was unhappy and would she like to find another employer.

- The latest saga (after having a two hour discussion with her) is that she would like to go back home in October. When she started working for me, she did not want to go back home in the time between old employer/new employer. She wanted to go in July, then changed her mind to go in March 2010 when her daughter graduates (it would also give her time to save some money) which is fine. Now she wants to go in October AND March. It is my understanding that she is entitled to only one trip home in the first 2 years of employment contract. I don't really mind if goes home both times, but I would like to be able to offer it as a goodwill gesture, not her asking above and beyond to what she is entitled to. Would I be within my rights to say that I will not pay for second trip home and not pay her wages for the time she will be away. Not that I would really do this, but I want her to know that I could. The other thing is, when the helper left her last employer, the employer gave the helper money to use for a one way trip home. For the helpers trip home in October, should I only offer to pay for half the airfare since she was given money to go back home and is she entitled to a salary during this time. Again, I wouldn't really insist on this. I want her to see that I am a good employer but as my helper keeps continually over stepping the line. I want to make it clear to her of my obligations as her employer and anything extra is a goodwill gesture. And any goodwill gesture should be earned (not expected).

Hi Gagin, sounds like your helper has been belly aching about nothing after being checked out at the Drs, good on you to rule out that one, If yu read my last post above I have one who is similar if not worse, little things go missing as well.and we are now keeping a very tight vigil on her, have to catch ours at it to fire her.

However to get back to the thread, if your helper was given money by the last employer for a one way ticket home, and didn't use it then if she wants to go on holiday during her contract, then effectively you should only have to pay for the way back to Hk, as you say she is trying to go home twice, if you are willing to let her go a second time you are not obliged to pay any of her fares.

She is only allowed one week holiday for each year of work,uaually at the beginning and end of each contract, plus any HK hols which you give her the day off for anyway. Some employers may let their maids go home at other times, but it is usually as a thankyou for good performance, your seems to be manipulating you left, right and centre, don't take the bait!

There are planty of good people out there, willing to work, and won't give you as much hastle as this one. If she is so eager to go back home , let her go - for good.

gaijin, i think she is already trying to test the limits again.


the stomach problems, the ask for your to make a schedule (WTF...), the latest saga. i really don't know why you do this to yourself. i am guessing you must be a westerner who feels guilty to have anyone working for them :) (am a gweilo myself)

Re: Ticket. Each contract (that's two years, or less if contract is pre-terminated) the employer is required to provide one round trip ticket from place of origin. So the previous employer having paid the MNL-HKG ticket before, only paid for the HKG-MNL ticket upon end of contract. Gaijin therefore needs to provide MNL-HKG-MNL ticket whenever that is required or agreed upon.


Re: Payment during vacation. The helper is entitled to a total number of 12 days (double check on this) plus statutory holidays during her 1st twoyear-contract. If the helper takes more than that, you have the right not to pay the days she didn't work on a pro-rata basis.


I actually like Gaijin's giving the helper the benefit of the doubt. After all, we want to be good "human beings" we just don't like it when we feel our kindness is being taken advantage of.

These threads never cease to amaze me!!!! I dont understand why these problems even occur. A contract is signed stating what the helper gets and you have done your interview stating the conditions. After that, why are all these people giving bonuses, extra this and that, allow them to go where they like and take advantage. When you work at a job or run a business do you go where you want, take as you like, get a bonus willy nilly - i guess not! So if you have these problems, blame yourself, you've created them. All these extras does not constitute treating someone like a 'human being', basic manners and morals will do that instead.


Unfortunately i've learned that nothing can ever be enough for some helpers and they'll bleed you dry until you fire them, so cut the softie approach immediately and treat it as any reasonable employer/employee relationship.