Helper issues, please help!

I recently terminated our helper due to unsatisfactory performance and dishonesty. When we were home, she went to bed at 8 or 9, which was fine. When we weren't home, she used to tell the children to go to bed and she'd go to bed and close her door and go to sleep! We'd come home and the 3 children were still up! Our youngest is in pre-school. Our children all agreed that she'd gone to bed but she always said the children had been asleep when she went to bed. We came home at 9:30pm once and she was in bed!! Do you think I should call immigration or just let it go? We only wrote on her letter that she was terminated due to unsatisfactory performance. We caught her in some other lies also.

If your helper is 'guilty' of these things, then it is habitual neglect of her duties, which is actually a reason for instant dismissal, that means you just pay for the travel to her place of origin within a day or 2 of sacking her, and you don't have to pay her in leiu of notice. However if you did this the helper may turn nasty, and claim it is untrue, as many of them do when they are sacked. It would be difficult to prove as it is only your childrens word against hers, although the fact you found them awake and her asleep may be enough,I agree that this is wrong, and children should not be left to do as they please, it is very lucky they did not come to any harm. If she was instantly dismissed Imm may not allow her to working in HK again, and it would protect others from employing her.

You could email Imm. and ask thier advice. find the websight, and somewhere you will find a contact section, they answer fairly quickly.

Have you already given her notice? and informed Imm, and are you intending to let her work her notice? if she is still in your home working her notice I would keep a carefull eye on your belongings, some of these ladies like to 'line their pockets' before they go.

Thanks. I didn't know about some of those things. I caught her in a lie, terminated her and let her go on the spot but I am feeling conflicted. On one hand, if I tell immigration, she may get nasty! if I don't tell them everything, someone else may hire her and regret it.

If she is already gone, then maybe still ask immigration about the situation with neglecting the children, at least she can't steal from you. She will probably be out there tryng to find another job, hopefully you didn't give her a reference, and will have to leave HK if she doesn't get another job, however lots of these ladies aquire false bits of paper. At least she is out of your house and your children are safe.

Thanks Susie! I am going to take your advice. My children weren't safe and I really shouldn't let someone else take the risk of this happening to them.I haven't changed the locks to my home, but I think I will. It makes me nervous that she will likely know what I've said but she should've been more careful also.

To be honest immigration wont do anything even if you tell them. Unless she is charged with some offense it's your word against hers. She will be able to apply for other jobs however it's unlikely any knowledgeable employer would take her on without checking her references with you first.

i have to agree with evildeeds on this one. we had a helper who turned on the crib mobile and left my 3 mth old baby in his crib while she went to her room to yap on the telephone. i came home to find a baby screaming/crying so loud and hysterical and almost choking from crying so much and red in his face. and i went to chk what she was doing to find her sprawled on her bed laughing away and chatting on telephone. when my rules are NO MOBILE phones during working hours. her reply to that 'oh i just left him 5 mins ago cos he was playing so nicely in the crib. i came to use the bathroom.' i get so mad when i think abt it! i terminated her immidiately and informed immigration to make sure she does not get a job looking after babies cos shes not capable and what do i see? 3 months later shes at the park with 2 toddlers......NEW EMPLOYERS with kids! so yeah immi is not going to do anything abt it. she will just find another job and then be anther employers headahce!!! sheesh! go figure!

Thanks everyone. I find hiring a maid in Hong Kong a bit confusing! Some helpers tell me that some local people refuse to give any telephone references and of course, letters can be forged. If a helper doesn't have a letter, I could never hire her. If I can't speak to the employer, I could not hire someone either. However, I've terminated maids who are working and no one ever called me to ask for a reference for them. Some helpers tell me that some new employers don't need to speak to the former one. They don't want to bother someone or have anyone bother them. Westerners seem to go out of their way to find new jobs for even average employees.

I agree with you (notyou), I think the best way to hire a helper is by word of mouth direct from a friend, maybe they are being re-located and you can hire their helper.

I wouldn't take any helpers word as gospel at an interveiw anymore, I have heard so many bad things from friends and on this forum, and through personal experience,it makes you wonder if you can believe anything they tell you.

I don't think people should ever go out of their way to find new jobs for bad or even average helpers, the helpers should go back to their country of origin, it is the only way to sort the wheat from the Chaff, and it will stop the rest being compulsive liars, and hopefully only good quality, honest, helpers will survive in Hong Kong.

Sadly it doesn't work like that, bad helpers leave, reason goes to Imm, and they allow these ladies to work for another person, without warning the new employer.

It is confusing.... I hired my helper (part time's older sister) without a single reference but through the recommendation of my part time whom I really liked. Was a bit worried about having no one to check with specially since she had broken her contract but touch wood, I have been really happy with her.

Thanks everyone. I think it's amazing how it all works here. I'm sorting through lists and lists of helpers on the Asiaxpat site and I really don't want to choose the wrong one, but I find it so difficult! I find if they've finished a contract, I feel like hiring almost anyone. Well, most of them sound good, but how to tell??. I have a large apartment, kids, a dog and I work p/t. I pitch in and help with housework, do a fair bit of the cooking and do as much as possible with my children. I figure it's probably best to hire someone with a good reference whose been in the same type of household. I hope that will prevent any sort of 'culture shock' of moving into my life/family situation.? Do you guys have any advice on the following things? I know it will depend on the person, but I would love any thoughts on the following:

Some people have told me NOT to hire helpers with university degrees because they will always feel 'above' the job and someone with only a high school diploma will be less likely to be disgruntled...?

If you hire married women with 4 years of experience and a university degree, they may want to immigrate to Canada?I think this is unlikely.

If you hire a young helper, she may get pregnant or be pregnant, etc...

If you hire an older one, she will understand children, but won't have the energy for them!

I figure I need someone whose finished a contract or whose employer's moving or who had a financial reason for dismissing them, etc.

My job is 4/5 cleaning and 1/5 helping with the children. Still, it seems to me that hiring someone who loves children is very important, but if I hire a teacher for example, won't she be a bit bored?

Ugh. Too bad there are no guarantees! It's very difficult to expose one's children to someone new so I really hope I can hire someone long-term! Thanks for listening and advising!

tip


always always call their previous employer/s directly - not email, not through correspondence and do not rely on written references


i don't know if it is possible - but if it is then set a probationary period


put everything you discussed with your soon to be helper in writing i.e. terms and conditions, food allowances, transportation, rules, vacation, leaves, holidays, responsibilities (but not limited to), pay etc etc. make her counter sign it so she won't come back to you with stories that you promised her this and that.


check with immigration and labor depts if they have any previous or outstanding cases.

Personally have always called ex-employers.


One comment I have to take issue with above is that which says "the helpers should go back to their country of origin, it is the only way to sort the wheat from the Chaff, and it will stop the rest being compulsive liars, and hopefully only good quality, honest, helpers will survive in Hong Kong"


To that I would add all other Expats into that equation. Trust me the chaff gets working visas too, we've been at the rear end of that a few times....


Wiz Bang - first you cannot set probationary periods for FDH. Secondly FDH are unable to have visas granted if they have any outstanding cases. The labour department will not provide details on any previous cases and immigration do not get involved either.

I have to say there are some lousy employers, but then again, look at what happened to Hyperactive bunny! Although there are great things about helpers, I've also been lied to so many times by supposedly super religious helpers. My first helper said she was single and didn't have children. However, she was a single mother and I found out she was...That was not a huge deal though. My next helper told me she was happily married. I later found out she had a boyfriend and was sneaking around with him in Hong Kong. I didn't expect this from someone in her mid-50's but one never knows. . She also got spoiled with the 4-6 weeks off we gave her every summer. We sent her home yearly while we were away and paid someone else to come and water our plants. Then we wanted to get a dog. We got one and she was fine with it even though we didn't want to leave our dog with someone else that long in the summer. We agreed that she'd get a week or two off a year so she could come home and stay with the dog, but she was NOT OK with it when it came down to it. She'd learned to expect 4-6 weeks as if I'd promised it when I'd hired her, but I'd definitely done NOOO such thing. However, it had worked out that she'd been given roughly 5 consecutive weeks off a year for 3 years, and she did NOT want it taken away. I thought I was generous. Whenever she went, I was paying for the flight and gave her $1000 HK in cash as a gift on the trips, but she whined that there would be so many hands out when she arrived in the Phillipines that she shouldn't even bother. She said her family would rather have her stay here in HK and send cash to them if that was all the money she was bringing! Yikes! THe money we paid, the vacations we gave weren't enough. We moved too and her room was smaller and in an apartment instead of a house. I asked her if she thought she could ever be happy again with what we were giving and she couldn't answer so by mutual consent, I helped her find another job. She calls me from time to time.



Our next helper seemed safe enough..50 years old with 4 adult kids and a great reference. However, she immediately started changing into tight sexy clothes and putting on makeup when my husband was coming home! She flirted with him and she even told me she me that my husband will not want me after he's in Hong Kong for awhile!!!! She even asked my daughter if she thought she'd (helper) make a better mother than me!!My daughter was 5 at the time and blocked it out. All she could tell me when I got home was that the helper scared her and was evil. My daughter was in hysterics. I sat by myself, cried cuz I didn't want to get a new helper since I was 9 months pregnant, but I terminated her and escorted her to the door. It took my little girl 3 months to tell me everything the helper had been doing to secretly try to replace me as my children's mother! She still calls me! Strange! I terminated her and she still asks to work for me, but I don't think she wants to work for me, but my husband! Maybe she calls in the hope that he will answer. They were never alone together so I know he wasn't doing anything wrong. She was a bit nuts...


Our next helper told me how overworked she was in her last job. She said she worked from 5 am til midnight and slept in a room with 2 children who woke her up. She said she would be very happy to work for us from 7-9 and have a nice room. We liked her, but she didn't tell me that she expected to go out canvassing our neighbors for hours daily to try and recruit people to join her religion and then have a nap afterwards!!! Of course she hadn't told me any of that! Since she was working 7-9, I thought it was an improvement, but she acted like it was not good! She told me I wouldn't even let her practice her religion as if I were a mean and creepy employer! I said she could have an hour break here and there, but that she couldn't go and speak to people in our building about her religion. She scoffed as if I were unreasonable!! What a shame. We really liked her, but she wanted to work for someone who wasn't home in the day and who wouldn't know or care what she was doing in the afternoons.Arghh. She knew I had a preschooler at home and helping with him and the housework was the main reason I'd hired her. Yikes. Some helpers shouldn't sign contracts when they don't want that kind of job. The employers like me in that case waste time and money while the helper sneaks around looking for a new job.



My last helper as I'd said above was leaving the children on their own when she went to sleep!

I'm working on hiring someone new. It's tough. Some helpers have references from people who don't speak English very well. HIring a helper is NOT easy. One helper told me she's like a sister to her Chinese employer. Should I like that or feel nervous about it? I'm a Western person and I do want a bit of distance from a helper but it's also good to have someone who's pleasant, but who won't take advantage of me!

One potential helper borrows money from her current employer, but has it taken out of her salary every month, so it seems that it's not a problem, but I am a bit nervous about it.

Some helpers tell me their bosses lie, are mean and don't tell the truth. I can't really test out that out.

Yikes. If it were only my husband and I it would be so much easier.