tentative helper

have a lovely new helper on her 2nd contract a relief from the manipulative dodgy previous one...who was however efficient

Now we can't have everything I know but maybe someone can help here- she is a bit lonely and used to company I'm thinking

she wants to chat at night when I am home tired - -and reluctant to go to her space -whereas I want to watch tv and have space

she is a crap cook

she is very tentative with my large gentle dog

reluctant to bath her although it was stressed she needs to make this dog a priority -at interview

seems a bit well remedial re appliances -but then not others -often blacking out flat disconnecting phone cable tv somehow? accidentally

sometimes I ask her to do things when Im out but they are not done

today I have given her a BIG list of instructions etc -hope she can read ok her English is not fab

she is Sri Lankan -very polite and a real sweetheart but maybe pampered by previous employer..who terminated due to retirement?

its been 10 days -am I expecting too much too soon?

thanks

Hi,


yes, give her more time to settle down.


However, I would sit down with her now and tell her exactly what I'm not happy about and explain to her she needs to improve on this specific points.


You can prepare this list (like bullet type so it's very clear) in advance and then have her sign one that you'll keep for record and give her one copy so she can read it carefully.


As for the cooking, there are so good books that do step-by-step cooking with pictures, they may help.... if she is willing to do the effort ?


As for your own space, I think you can explain it to her, that after a hard day at work you need so quiet time on your own to unwind. This is very understandable !


As for the dog, have you shown her how to bath it ? maybe she doesn't know what to do exactly. And maybe she's scared the dog can bite her ? She should get more confidence after spending more time with it.


good luck

I agree with itsmeinhk, give her a little more time, a lot of people nee to get used to Big dogs, I used to own a St.Bernard who was a gentle giant, but it was amazing how many people were scared of him, your helper also needs to get used to your ways and routine, so probably wants to talk just to show she is interested in learning maybe, yes she must know you need your own space also. Does your helper have a television or something to amuse herself? she may appreciate that.

If she doesn't speak good English, maybe she could go to language classes where she might meet new friends as well and life will not be so boring for her and be better for you in the end

thanks very much -those are great ideas and ver reassuring to me also!

Hi Starries,

I'd suggest you ask her to spend time in the day with other helpers so they can teach her to cook a few dishes or ask your friends if she can come over to learn. Secondly, if you don't want to show her how to bathe the dog, suggest she find someone in the building who can show her. she might prefer to have another helper come over to teach her.? can you send her to the library to get cookbooks or stop by and photo copy some?don't chat with her too much.

Are you single? If she can't satisfy a single person, that's a bit lousy. I'd be annoyed if she weren't finishing jobs. If you call Merry Maids or YMCA, they may be able to provide training. The Merry Maids whiz through a home in record time and leave the place sparkling in 4 hours. My helpers have needed 8 to do what they do in 4, but they are professionals. I don't know if they do training, but I think that your maid could learn from one if one came to teach her to iron or whatever. Good luck. If you terminate her, don't feel too badly, but try a bit more.

Hi thanks a lot -.She knew how to bath the dog just was put off by dogs reluctance to get into the bath!!Dog is gentle as and welltrained.

Basically I think ,well not the sharpest knife in the drawer ... wants lots of reassurance ; worried she is not coming up to scratch but either can't or doesn't really come to grips with problems -gives up...insisted she couldn't work the lock to the downstairs door but hey presto ! tonight I called the handyman and asked her to try again with him there- she tried it again and worked it.I asked her friend to come over the first week to give her a headsup on cooking as she (friend who introduced helper to me in first place ) had originally indicated she would but she is a bit elusive -think my helper might be a bit needy sounding and a bottomless pit to the other busy helpers.

The psychology of becoming a helper -would be an interesting topic -I reckon this one is a lily of the field perhaps at home-

and yes thought she would have no problem getting things done for one person .However she was one of a pair of helpers before and interestingly ,although she is married and has a child ,she was not looking after the kids -cleaning and cooking...not much cooking I suspect...so there you go -she read the list I gave her and seems a bit galvanised tonight but has no real plan of attack or organisation with chores. wanted to mop the kitchen floor at 8pm while I was trying to make a cup of tea...And doesn't seem to listen...

I guess like a lot of expats who have done their own cooking, cleaning etc forever back home it is easy to feel inwardly impatient with someone dithering around..training is the key I guess.

Well at least she is not like the last helper...will persevere for now...

goodness its a luxury after all- isn't it ?hmmm

ps am off to Bangkok for 3 days tomorrow and I am praying to her Hindu god inwardly that she doesn't burn the place down in my absence -a test run for Xmas really I suppose...

Ha ha... Oh dear!!! Well, Starries, Ilet us know how it works out. 'm afraid I have been a bit spoiled. I'm used to having one helper help me with 3 children, a husband, pets and plants. I help out but one helper has been able to do mountains of work almost as much as I can and I can work very hard. I've found it helps if you write things down, but it sounds like you have. You might try writing it so simply she has to understand...like mop, sweep and clean fridge and put the things out and point to them. . i've had negative experiences with anyone whose worked with another helper even if it was 2 jobs ago. Some helpers won't dare work for me cuz i have a busy home. Others say they like being busy. Still, every helper I've had whose worked with another helper or who was really sociable had some trouble with boredom and feeling their job was meant for 2 people. meanwhile, i can certainly do my job without another person in my home. One helper (who incidentally also wanted to help herself to my husband!!) used to say to me "You don't talk to me! You don't care about me!!" I said I treated her nicely, paid her very well since I have a busier home than most, but that I was too busy for chatting with her. Of course that didn't make sense to her, yet she was interupting me while I was reading a newspaper when she told me. I've learned to be very specific and annoyingly thorough when I speak to former employers. I ask if I can call back. I was civil to the helper mentioned, but it wasn't easy as she was so needy too. She even used to tell me when it was her time of the month, what she did in the bathroom and she'd ask me and our children about our bodily functions! Imagine! She'd ask my children and I what we did in the bathroom and would prod us to tell her. Well, she didn't get the hint when my children and I said it wasn't appropriate for her to ask us about it. she couldn't change. I'm not sure yours can either. You're a single guy and you might enjoy being spoiled by a helper whose raised children who are now adults. That way the person will know a little more. et someone with a glowingg reference.

Hi notyou - thanks for that -well I will retrain and see what happens -her ,not me...luckily I am a good cook,eh? At least she is pleasant-and no she doesn't go on about her bodily functions -that would be the end...yes I agree she may not be able to be sorted-she is now 20 mins late getting out of bed...for the umpteenth time still in bathroom -sigh....Really its small peanuts in the life angst stakes I guess -and quite funny -try telling one's pals at home about the amah drama ---ohhh,bad idea!!!

Yes the helper...every night she tells me at least 3 times how tired I look...thanks???

I am a woman actually ... not a guy....giggle - as for the one who wanted to help herself to your husband...? oh dear ,don't start me on that one...still as I always think -in their position without my mores...probably so would I...a passport and a mealticket is seductive indeed! this nasty little fact of life is the first thing I caution newbie expat ladies here about-their eyes nearly stand out of their heads -they are shocked and disbelieving poor dears-thinking I am being melodramatic...hmmm well its a little test of character not all males pass in the heady mystic East..ha ha!

off to BKK...

OK things cam to a head and I got fairly direct with new helper -she is trying much harder-but not sure her attitude is going to wear well with me -she seems pretty unfased by the things i have said are not going well from her end-

Im getting the blank stare back -not such a sweetheart after all - but have now discovered she can't read English although the recommending friend thought she could..shall see how it goes but having read the latest informative post on this site I realise now I have not done enough homework...

Hi Starries,

I don't want anyone to tell me I look tired unless they know me well and I'm sick, half dead! I really think it's time to call it a day...Merry Maids are great. The ladies don't speak much English, but they are quick and professional. They can get you through the hump til you get a new one. I find the personality thing is the most important to me. I don't really want a friend, but I want someone who isn't angry with me for not being her chatting buddy. it's taken a long time for me to not feel apologetic about this.

This thread proves that any nationality of FDH we hire will bring its own set of problems.