warning for new employers

This is a little story for everybody who is looking for a good domestic helper right now:

I thoughtwe were lucky because for the last 6 months we had a domestic helper who seemed to be nice and seemed to take good care of our kids. In return we let her have her own weekly schedule just asking her to make sure that the house stays in a certain state of cleanliness and allowing her to leave on Sat night and coming back Sun late at night if we did not go out. So no reason for any trouble one would think. However there were situations in which she acted quite strange - at least in Westerners opinions. When she was suffering from flu, she said she would quit if she could not rest for a few hours (she said it like that without having even asked if it is ok to take a break - mmh.)We managed that situation as well as agreeing on the fact that it does not necessarily take 3 weeks holidays to get a hole in a tooth fixed (another very strange thing).

Last Thursday he finally and absolutely surprisingly announced that she would leave Hong Kong for good because her mother was seriously and deadly ill. Everybody was shocked. Friends and even other domestic helpers were telling us that she was obviously lying and maybe needs to leave the country in a rush because of unlawful activities or similar. We still wanted to believe her especially as she stood in our house crying a river telling us how much she would love to stay but that she has to put her family first. So we let her go, cancelling the flight we booked for her to spend Christmas with her family (she said she was not allowed to go home for Christmas for the last 4 years while working for her former employer...). Looking for a new domestic helper now, guess whose add I just found today: my crying-and-swearing-to-god-how-much-she-would-love -to-stay-but-has-to-go-to-take-care-of-her-son-in-the- Philippines-domestic helper´s add posted on Sat. I think now I understand what people who live in Hong Kong for some time mean when they tell you about the "amah drama". We kept telling her she can talk to us about everything. Well, obviously that was romantic thinking of how a relationship between employer and domestic helper will work. So, all new employers be warned when you are told these heartbraking stories in an interview. It might just be another tale...

Shifting this to the helper forum

aiya.. just signed ours up on Saturday.. cross fingers... I have to remember to be firm and be the boss..

What's the warning? That FDHs make up stories? It's interesting that the helper wants to run away from your employ when her situation was very good? Some things just don't add up here...

You´re right: a lot of things don´t add up, except all the warnings about not to treat your helper as your friend. And that is the point. If you have not made that experience, lucky you. Most people I know have warned me not to be too generous. I did not want to believe their stories. Now I have my own. And that is all.

It is important to differentiate between generosity and treating like a friend. A helper is first and foremost an employee. Any interaction with her should bear that in mind. Being generous to a "friend" is one thing. Being generous to an employee is another, quite different thing.


While some become very close to their employers, they are still employees. Many employers unfortunately forget this fact. This doesn't mean don't be kind, share jokes, laugh together and so forth. Just as a supervisor in an office can joke around with his/her subordinates. He/she can do that but only up to a point. This all only works if both parties understand the supervisor/subordinate relationship and what it entails.

c.hefer, did you call her and give her a bollocking? can you post her name so that everyone knows what they are potentially dealing with?

Please don't post names here - think it from your own perspective - if you were fired would you be happy if your employer was posting your name with details in public....

true Ed...but perhaps people just hiring /signingfrom the list here could send a PM to

poster c hefer to check the name involved so as to make sure its not the lass in question...assuming c hefer meant that her helper posted on asiaxpat for a new job, of course...

Hi SanJKash, I did not give her a bolloking. It would not change anything. I am just still a bit shocked about her behaviour. If you saw her crying and swearing how much she wishes she could cut herself into two pieces to be able to stay and be with her mother at the same time... I will never understand what makes them act like this.Telling me that on 12th of Nov, posting an add here on 14th. However it was some learning. Maybe I should hire someone older than 28

next time, maybe they are more settled and mature?!

C.hefer even the helpers older than 28yrs are not necessarilly mature and settled, I have a much older one and she behaves like a naughty teenager,and is a thief too, soon to be fired. Yes I think it is a good idea if employers do PM each other if asked, to warn others, and prevent the really bad ones from getting a job in HK. I know you cannot post it on a web sight

You are probaby right. Maybe one way to prevent ourselves from another disaster would be to not employ anyone where you cannot talk to the current/ last employer about the DH´s performance.

I would add to that, if you can possibly talk to current/last employer 'face to face', rather than on the phone, it would be better, and a more reliable way of getting the truth about the helper, as the written references can be nothing more than worthless bits of paper- and often fabricated. A really good current/previous employer would be only too happy to spare some time to meet up if the helper was highly thought of by them.

Susie1, why do you suggest face to face as opposed to telephoning?


c.hefer, i share your sentiments. I've been down the same road with my helper and thankfully she's finishing soon. I used to read these forums before i had a helper and thought this could not be true, these employers must be making this stuff up but soon after hiring i learned about the 'amah drama', crying stomping, slamming doors etc. Age does not matter!


Beerguy, you cannot train those who stubbornly do not wish to change, plough on their own way regardless.


I have now vowed not to employ the same nationality i have done in the past, i've heard so many good reports about hard sought nationalities - culture really does matter!

Hi, I only suggested face to face because, as you know the tricks this nationality particularly get up to, they could get one of their friends to speak to you at the other end of the phone, I have just had so many bad experiences with lies from them, thats all, and as you will see from other posts these bad FDH's still get passed onto other novice employers.