Please help - trouble with helper

Could anybody who is experienced with employing domestic helpers in HK offer a piece of advice? We are getting very stressed out by behavior of our helper. We would like to know what is going on and what action we should take.


Our helper has been with us for about a year. First few months she was very good, especially with our 1 year old son. She was also a good cook and good in ironing clothes. Later we discovered that she had serious issues with cleanliness. We tried to teach her some basic hygiene but she became very stuborn. She said yes, yes, sir/m'am but basically refused to change her ways. For example, I caught her by chance when she was going to prepare our son's food using rotten vegetable.


Situation became worse when her sister arrived in HK. According to our helper, her sister often did not turn up for work (she lives out) and stayed at her boarding house watching videos for weeks (she told her employer that she was sick). She also complained about not being used to life in HK and at the end left for Sri Lanka. When in SL she started to call her employer to take her back and apparently they paid for her ticket and re-employed her. Our helper used to tell us a lot of stories like this about her sister but that stopped recently. When we asked her she told us that her sister was fine and working.


Several days ago our helper started to have long phone calls with her sister (our helper hardly used her phone before and never during her work). I was worried that something may be happening. Then her sister suddenly called our house and told my brother (who is visiting) that our helper's husband had an accident and the situation was serious. He was instructed not to tell anything to our helper.


Yesterday our helper's sister called our house again and talked to me. She was shouting at me how come we have not bought a ticket back home for her sister that she had to go home immediately and that she will report us to the Immigration Department. Only after this phone call our helper told us that she really wants to take one week holiday in SL and implied that we will have to buy her a ticket and give her some extra money as she does not have any.


I wonder whether anybody could give us advice on what we are supposed to do. It is clear that our helper wants to leave (she said for a week but according to her sister she may not come back). She basically stopped working for us. She only walks around the flat or stays in her room. From our helper's behavior in the last few weeks I would guess that she wants us to terminate her contract and pay her one month + ticket home. Or are helpers entitled to any compassionate leave + a ticket back home? Our helper and her sister believe that they are and made it clear to us by shouting (her sister) and crying (our helper). We wanted to verify at least some part of her story, for example, we offered that we could call the hospital where her husband is apparently in a very serious conditition. She told us that there was no phone in the hospital in Colombo. She also refused to give us her sister employer's number. She does not have it and her sister apparently does not have it either. Some of these stories are really hard to believe.


Does anybody have an experience with this kind of situation? What are we supposed to do? I will really appreciate any thoughts. Thank you.

I think you are being taken for a ride. But even if you aren't it is clear that she is no longer performing the role for which she was engaged - to be your HELPER. I would simply terminate her, pay her what is due (including the door-to-door travel costs) and get rid of her. And the next time her sister shouts at you simply shout back and hang up.

I agree with kenwin. Sounds like you are being played, or at least they are trying. You shouldn't have to deal with all this. After all, would you accept this if you were working in an office and your subordinate had such issues?


I'm all for giving people a chance at improving but at this point, I would terminate her. Tell her that her sister's behavior is unacceptable, and that she did not improve on the hygiene despite being told to do so.


Helpers are not entitled to compassionate leave or travel home in such cases.

I am agree with axptguy38 and Keniwin they are right Helpers are not entitled to compassionate leave or travel home in such cases, you can terminate her, after one year as her sister behavior and perfoms which is not accecptable.

Definitely sounds like she is taking you for a ride.


Just out of interest (and without sounding rude), why are you allowing her sister to get involved in your relationship with your helper. I would totally ignore her and disregard her phone calls and say it is none of her business. Tell her to but out.


I am not sure about this but isn't there something in their contract to state you can dismiss them without paying one month in lieu if they are not performing etc? It seems wrong that she can't just not do anything her job requires and expect one month pay for immediate termination.


I would definitely not pay any personal travel or compassionate leave. I would just buy her a one way ticket home.

I have a SL helper. From my current experience and from other SL helpers that I know I can say that they sometimes take bad news/ problems very badly. Compared to other nationalities they are not as "hardened" and seem to have a bit of a breakdown over things. You should have seen the commotion in my house a few months ago when my helpers distant Uncle who wasn't even related to her died of old age. Also I find that their families can cause them a lot of anguish with their overreaction to stuff. It sounds like her sister does have a bit of unstable personality.


Personally I wouldn't get involved in the drama. You want to go back? OK, here's the flight ticket (return) and I need you back by X date. Upon your return, you owe me S$. If you are not back by then, I have no option but to terminate you. If she terminates you still have to pay her fare so you are not necessarily losing out.

KoMo, you can certainly dismiss her for cause and not pay the one month. However at that point she may well contest the decision and immigration has to get involved. It is often less hassle to just pay up. Besides it is the nice thing to do.

axptguy38 thank you for clarifying whether you can dismiss without one months pay under exceptional circumstances (such as non performance). However, from what the original poster mentioned, she has stopped doing work all together and refuses to co-operate when the employer is trying to help her (by asking for phone numbers to call and clarify the situation). The denial to do this and stopping work all together and being on long phone calls is simply taking the piss.


I am sorry to sound harsh, but I had a similar situation where my prior helper asked to go home due to a family member passing. Out of compassion and because we genuinely liked her, we bought her a return ticket home and back to HK. Soon after leaving I received a phone call to say she wasn't returning due to family circumstances (understandable at the time). However, it wasn't long before I found out it was all a lie and I had been taken for a big ride. You should have heard the long winded story she spun, and sting of lies, and of course the endless tears and shaking. I was wild with anger when I found out just how deceptive this was.


I am not saying that all helpers are like this, but I do believe they are smart and know how to play the system if they want to. So, unfortunately when the original poster sounds like they are in the situation they sound like they are in, it sounds like they are being taken for a big ride. So no, in an instance like this, we are not a charity and I don't think it is the right thing to do.

Endless number of domestic helper stories! Mirella, you obviously have a person that does not want to be there so pay the one month, one-way ticket home, vacation owed etc. and take the high road. Like Nhoj said, list out everything that you are paying her and get her to sign for it! Don't forget to change the locks right away!

KoMo, you are correct that she should be terminated for cause. However I would still pay the one month. As slimboyinhk says, take the high road. Get a signed receipt for the money, make her sign a letter of dismissal, and change the locks.

Thank you so much guys for your great advice and for sharing your experiences. We also called the Immigration Office and were told that we could give our helper one week paid leave and if she does not come back by the time we agreed it means that she effectively terminated the contract.


It was her pay day yesterday so she went and bought herself one-way ticket to SL. She told us that she comes back as soon as she can. Today early morning I caught her sneeking out of our flat with all her possesions. She asked whether I wanted to check her bags...why would I if she was coming back as she said? Then she handed me our keys and said goodbuy. I caught up with her at the lift (she could not run with approx. 6-7 suitacases) and asked her whether she was coming back and she admitted that she was not. Apparently, her sister told her that she should not work for us any more.


So she is out of our lives and we all survived. It is a big relief but at the same time I have a strange feeling that we had a lodger who was pretending to work for us.


Thanks again for your advice and encouragement.

The good news is that it's over for you. You'll feel better without her around !

I would change the flat's locks... just to be sure not to have another bad surprise....

Good luck.

this is such a weird story, and i'm so sorry you had to experience this... good news is it's finally over. helper probs are so stressful, and i know from personal experience :( good luck next time.