To renew or not?

My helper has been with my family for almost 2 years. It's about time I decide whether to renew the contract.

I am mostly happy about everything, but the way she interacts with my 3 year old son.


Basically, she allows him to do whatever he wants. He has become a rather naughty kid lately. I discovered that when he misbehaves or says silly things -- she just ignores. He does not want to eat by himself -- she just feeds him. If he is being rude to her -- she does not do anything about it, just laughs.


I work every day, come home after 3pm. I know that i cannot expect her to be a teacher, but she can at least help him develop some good habits, right? Or, am I asking too much?


Anyway, it is time that I decide whether to renew the contract with her. If I decide not to -- It's such a nightmare to go through the process of hiring a helper again. I have done it a couple of times already.


If I renew -- I risk having a very bad-mannered kid, whose bad behaviour is being encouraged by a care-free adult.


Please advise.

You have to make a decision what is important to you!

Looking for a new helper or wanting the best for your child,I know what I would do.

I think you need to have a serious chat with your helper. and tell her you find the way your child is being handled is not acceptable.

Tell her you want the child to start being more independant, to feed himself using a knife and fork or chop sticks in a civilised way, if he refuses to eat, take the food away and don't give him anything else, he will eat when he is hungry.

Tell her you find it unacceptable when she laughs if he is naughty or rude, she must stop letting him do that, use the 'super nanny' aproach, get her to sit him on the naughty step, until he promise to behave and apologises to who ever he has been rude to. He must learn some respect to you his parents and his helper.

You are the parent in the end, and although you work you can still impose rules on how your child should be brought up in your absence.

If your helper cannot manage to control your son becasue maybe she is too immature herself, then find another helper.

Thank you all for the constructive feedback. I had very serious talks about it at least 2 times in the past 3 months. I told her that she should use my 3-4 minutes "time-out" approach when I am not around. I made it clear that I will not be angry. I also emphasized that she plays an important role when the parents are not around. I told her that it is not acceptable that he is rude to her sometimes. However, she says, "It's OK, he is just a child." Maybe she thinks I am worried about her and shows that she doesn't mind because he is just a child. But I am worried about HIM and his bad habits. He is 3 years old now, if she keeps on encouraging his bad behaviour, he will be even naughtier, because the adult who caters for him every day accepts that. There is a saying "What we allow, we promote". She basically involuntarily encourages his misbehaviour.


As I mentioned, I don't expect her to be a teacher, but I believe that disciplining and promoting good eating habits is not too much to ask from her.


From the comments above and also following my gut feeling, I guess that the only solution is to find a replacement.