Terminating a contact with DH - how to??

Our helper has been with us for a year. Her performance has been okay - she made some mistakes here and there, but she was honest and amiable.


However, I am going back to work, and I really need someone who is more capable in child care to take care of my 2 year old. I tried training my current helper, but sometimes she just doesn't get it - probably because she's only 25 and never had the experience.


I am thinking about terminating her contract but the thought of her losing her job hurts me. At the same time, I know I need to do what's the best for my family. I talked to the agency, and they told me that even if she found a job, in the case of termination, she will still have to go back to Philippines and reapply her visa again. Is this true or are there other ways?


Also, I would like to compensate her with one month salary. Does that sound enough?


Finally, if you happen to know the best way to break out the news to her, please share... This is hard, cause she was part of our life for a period of time.


Please advise, it's my first time doing this and I really need some help. Thanks a lot!!

Mistakes are cannot aware especially if she is a first timer helper.Coz some helpers especially first timer if their boss is always telling her to do this and that the helpers are demoralized and panicked what are going to do first. But as you said she is honest and miable.And she work for you a year already..Why don't you finished her contract and give her a chance..And sit down and talk to her what is your standard so that she is aware what is going to do next. I know you are smooth hearted person coz you said you will feel hurt if she loss her job.


If you cut off your contract with her, its true she needs to go back to her home country and apply again if no employer found.And its a big burden to her to produce a large amount of money to pay for the agency again.


You need to pay her 1 month notice in lieu plus the air ticket and some statutary holidays plus food and travel allowance..Actually the agency knows it.


And I hope you change your mind and let her finished her contract with you.

Thanks grytch for your reply... I haven't been able to sleep thinking about this matter.


I understand that people make mistakes, I am not perfect either... But some judgments that my helper made in the past when handling my child makes me wonder if she is the right fit.


For example:

- Going to neighbor's house with my daughter when I am not home (I don't know the neighbor)

- Taking my daughter to park even when she has a fever

- She needs to be told specifically what to feed/take bath/change diaper etc.


She is not a bad person, it's her lack of awareness and experience that makes me worry if she is capable of making a right decision when comes to child care.


I am still considering about terminating the contract eventually but keep her contract until she finds the next employer. My friends warn me not to do this, cause she might turn it against me (bad work attitude, do something to my kid, etc). Call me naive, but I do believe that she is kind hearted, or I hope.


It would be great if I can continue to get some advice.

Augustmom don't fret about breaking the contract if your helper is not a good fit for childcare whilst you're working full-time. Your daughter is your priority. Going back to the Philippines or finding a new job within the 14 days she has after her contract ends is her problem. However it would be nice to give her a good reference that tells about all the things that she does well. (So probably best not mention childcare in your reference.)


We previously had a helper who had no commonsense and did a lot of stupid stuff while she was left to care for our 1yo daughter while I worked full-time. E.g.

1. Took our daughter shopping in the pram during a T3 rainstorm. I could not see in front of me for 10m during the storm the rain was that heavy, and the pram and our helper were thoroughly soaked during the storm (she did not have the sense to think to take shelter during the storm), however our helper tried to justify that the storm was not that bad.

2. Let our daughter develop severe nappy rash one day (from which she still has visible scars) due to not changing her nappy frequently enough - and then tried to tell me my daughter's sensitive skin was responsible for causing the nappy rash. (And she also didn't mention how bad it was and that it was bleeding when I spoke to her on the phone about how my daughter was going during the day.)

3. Gave our daughter a double dose of medicine during too short a timeframe because she couldn't understand the difference in timeframe between our daughter's 2 naps. (i.e. I told her to give our daughter the medicine after her 2nd lunchtime nap, however our helper gave her the medicine after her 1st morning nap).

4. Was constantly late to bring my daughter to Dr and Playgroup appointments because she could not organise herself and my daughter appropriately. I'd need to call her on the phone at the time she was leaving to make sure she'd left at the right time, and even then she often wouldn't leave until sometime after my call - thus being late again.

5. Was washing our daughter's hands using dishwashing detergent for probably months until I noticed her doing this and stopped her.

6. Always had my daughter dressed inappropriately. E.g. not taking a jacket to places that would be air conditioned and cold (such as to the hospital). And normally selecting clothes that were at least 2 sizes to small for her (even to the point of opening up vacuum sealed bags of clothes that were too small which I'd packed away so she wouldn't dress her in them anymore).

7. Unable to communicate with me over the phone well enough in English about whether my daughter is sick or not (so I need to come home to check whether my daughter is sick and needs to go to the Dr.)

8. Telling me she knows how to do things, but then when I ask her to show me she's unable to do it. E.g. taking my daughter's temperature. Using the brake on the pram. Pushing the pram up and down stairs. etc. etc.


The list is endless and I was worried sick about my daughter every minute while she was in my helper's care during the days and therefore always usually angry at my helper for being so stupid. I ended up not letting my helper go outside our building with my daughter during the days because she was so incapable. However she was very good at cooking and cleaning. It was actually surprising how bad she was at childcare because she has 2 grown children of her own (I don't know how they survived), and also claimed to have previous childcare experience for a 1yo girl immediately prior to working for us, although the mother wasn't working full-time.


My advice from having been in this situation myself is to find someone good to replace her, then terminate your current helper and give her her month's pay in lieu and a good reference about all the things she does well (don't highlight the things she does badly). Then you can have some peace of mind during your workdays so you can actually focus on your work. What your helper decides to do next after leaving your employment is then her problem - not yours.

I have to agree, that your child is your priority, and if you are worried when you go back to work about the level of care then it won't do any of you any good, including your helper, who is just trying to do her best, but hasn't got the experience or common sense.

If you are not confident in her then you need to look for another helper with proper child care experience.

Give your present helper a reference stating she is good at certain household chores, and has been honest while she is with you, if that is the case.

Your all welcome Augustmom...we all know that our family is our priority especially our kids..One mistake is forgivable but 2 is enough and 3 is too much..Well depends what kind of mistakes it is..


If you really worried about your childcare its still your own decision to let her go or not..And I hope you give her a consideration like reference letter if she wants to find another employer.As you said she is a good person but only the work is the problem..If you find another one I hope she will be responsible enough to do her task..especially the childcare..

I think you should find a new helper...I am not sure but can you say you terminate her for financial reasons? Then she doesnt have to go back o the philippines!

But I am not sure if you can hire a new helper then...