Posted by
kanyil
14 yrs ago
We've just hired a DH and are planning on laying down some general ground rules upfront.
We are still thinking about how to tackle this but would prefer these rules to be short and punchy and represent our bottom line (kind of like the ten commandments - just not as many).
The list we have so far are:
- Be honest - no lying, stealing or using our stuff without permission - she will be provided with what the law dictates or what we think she reasonably needs if the legal requirement's too low.
- No smacking of children and no SMS / personal calls during work hours - she will have all the holidays she's entitled to and may request breaks during the day.
- No loans or salary advances.
- She is not permitted to bring any visitors to our flat.
What other rules have you set for your DH? All comments appreciated.
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We didn't really set any up. Our helper is supremely responsible. However a little chat like "we will respect you. We expect you to act like an adult and respect your job" can work if you feel like your FDH needs it. Just remember not to be condescending about it. Treat her like an adult and expect her to act like it.
BTW we do allow visitors. But it is of course understood this doesn't mean "having a party while we are away."
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happy to share our rules if you like
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Just off the top of my head, I would add that she's not permitted to disclose your address and home number to finance companies. We had to terminate our last helper for that matter. We did not prohibit her from borroiwng money from outside lenders, nor did we keep her passport, on the explicit understanding that we would treat her like a responsible adult so would not take those measures. We did specify in our written rules to her from day one that she's not allowed to use our address and phone number to borrow money, which she fully agreed to and reconfirmed on numerous occassions during her one year with us. At the end, we got severely harassed by loan sharks and had to call the police, and the harassment still continued for a while even after the helper was terminated.
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Make some rules about how she should manage your children, and how they should react with her, so that they respect her. I have seen quite a few children who treat the helper as a servant and behave very badly towards them. If there is good interaction between all of you where the children are concerned, and a balanced upbringing, the children should grow up to be pleasant, polite individuals. Tell the helper you would like to know if the children misbehave, so that you can deal with it.
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Good one Susie1. Yes there are some extremely rude children out there, who treat their domestic helpers appallingly. That said, I think children also learn watching adult interaction.....so the households where helpers are treated appallingly will spawn offspring who treat helpers appallingly irrespective on the rules laid down.
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Its not bad to have your own rules or lets say your own commandments inside your house..But sometimes there are rules that says that a helper have no right of everything..I will just say only, RESPECT your helper as a human being and those rules is not a problem at all..We know how to follow the rules as long as for the common good of both parties.
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Thanks everyone. We will of course have the "you are an adult and will be trusted as an adult..." conversation with her.
She will be respected as a valued employee and given her own quarters, time and privacy. Like most employer/employee relationships, we just wanted to make some things clear up front in case of misunderstandings.
- cookie09, yes please. Will be much appreciated.
- miao miao - good point. Thank you.
- susie1 - good point and agreed. I would want to be informed if my kid misbehaves so we can discipilne as needed. Except when coming from my wife and directed at me, rudeness to anyone is not tolerated in my household...
Thanks for your comments and look forward to other suggestions.
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i would add
=avoid hanging out and gossiping with friends and other dh in the area / building during work hours (even if they are just watching over your kid during playtime in the playground or in school etc)
- use the land line phone for emergencies only
set up boundaries ie what she is expected to do, what she can do and cannot do within your home, ground for dismissal.
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There's a good book called "Hiring and Managing Domestic Help" if you want some pointers.
"Yes there are some extremely rude children out there, who treat their domestic helpers appallingly. That said, I think children also learn watching adult interaction.....so the households where helpers are treated appallingly will spawn offspring who treat helpers appallingly irrespective on the rules laid down."
So very very true.
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