Posted by
cimigol
13 yrs ago
My helper has been with us for less than 3months (still under probation).
She is capable and experiencde with caring for young infant and house chores (5th contract or 8th year in HK).
However, her marriage to her husband in Philippine (working in Dubai now), may fail due to extra-marital affairs.
I am concern regarding:
- Safety to my child due to her emotional stability (during this time)
- Safety to my child as this could lead her into depression or emotion breakdown
- Safety to my child due to inattention through excessive use of mobile phone call/texting while i am not around
- Fear that this issue might take a long time and nowhere near completion any time soon
What next?
- Change a helper? (with some $ paied out)
- What esle we can do to check/confirm?
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i would not do anything until you have reason to doubt her competence. you seems to have a good helper, so i would simply observe and see how she goes. she might just do fine.
(on a separate note, you should have a rule for mobile phone/texting which should apply regardless of her personal situation)
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I have ipcam installed, I see her always cries when we are not at home. When she carries baby, she has that heart broken kind of tearing. I sympathize her but worry abt this emotion or feelings, will it affect baby since they are together more than 8 hrs a day while we are away for work. When I was pregnant I try to be happy all the time and hopefully baby can feel that even in my womb. Now I really don't want negative feelings to affect baby unnecessarily.
Anyone knows if it could affect? What should I do?
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If you are so worried about your baby, quit your job an d take care about it by yourself!
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cimigol, I would share your concern and would sit down and have a heart to heart with your helper. cookie09 is spot on when he/she says that texting/using the phone excessively during work hours is not acceptable and your talk with your helper needs to address this too.
I think after talking to your helper with an open mind, you may find she wants to leave your employ to sort out her family issues, or prefers to stay on as she needs the wage. Either way, if she would prefer to leave, then you have your answer and if she would prefer to stay, you still have an opening to talk to her about what your expectations of the job are, whilst still empathising with her situation. She is afterall an employee and at the end of the day REGARDLESS of her own personal situation needs to be fit for the job. Sure, you may give her some compassionate leave to sort out her problem or a few days off BUT if this is likely to impair her functioning over the long term than it needs to be addressed.
HarryB, what you posted is just plain rude and not helpful. Maybe cimigol can't afford to 'just quit her job' and take care of her baby'. If you actually read her posts rather than write these unhelpful, nasty types of comments, you can tell how much she loves her little one and how she has tried to do what is best for her little one. I'm sure if she had the choice she would look after her little one by herself.
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Just wanted to share. The same helper asked us for a loan less than one month into the contract. We loaned it to her knowing that in the worse case our generosity could have been abused.
Guess all human being do have some personal issues.
It is precisely that she has been a gd helper than we struggled so much.
Safety of our child is utmost important. Lagrue and cookie09's comment were most helpful and insightful.
We were just wondering if anyone ever countered or heard of similar situation and have any other suggestions or precaution to suggest.
One of our friend who is a counsellor mentioned if depression sets in, leaving a young infant with her will be dangerous. But who are we to make an accurate judgement of her state of mind and emotion?
We do plan to seek out a counsellor for her and time-off just to help her out.
If there are other suggestions do share.
Most grateful.
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unfortunately, counselling sessions are not instant cure... it could be several sessions or months or years before she gets over her personal problems.
i would sit her down, and tell her that you would let her see a counsellor to help her with her personal problems and to gauge whether she is fit to work. better yet, do this in writing and let her counter sign it with witnesses.
mention that although sessions with the counsellor will be private and confidential, the counsellor will give you an assessment report on whether she is fit to handle child care or not.
or you can have her go undergo counselling for a number of sessions, and an assessment report will be given to the employer.
based on that written assessment report, you can either terminate the contract if it deems that she is not fit for child care or continue with her current contract.
but everything should be in writing. you would have at least proof that you have given her a chance to sort herself out, and in case you are terminating her, you would have the assessment report of the counsellor
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I will say my two cents worth here...
It is a common thing to have marriage and family problems when separated for 2 years. IN fact, I would go so far as to say it was a problem that caused the person to leave in the first place, but perhaps not a marraige problem but a financial one. Otherwise why would anyone come to take care of other people's kids and clean their toilet? If it is affecting her work, then you have a problem, I've worked for years with people who had marriage problems, but they didn't allow it to affect their work performance and they kept their job.
AS her employer you need to talk to her about your expectation and make it tempered with some feeling toward her situation. But she needs to be had aware of your feelings also.
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the main thing is not to over react. I certainly understand child safety is of the utmost importance but I'm sure your domestic helper will get through her problems. Sitdown with her, be a friend and listen to her and that will help her out a great deal. Alot of people have marital issues, feel melancholy, but still function well at their respective professions. Keep in mind if you do fire her that will affect to an even greater degree. First losing a husband, then a job and when you are helping raising children you become attached to them.
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yon
13 yrs ago
When people are stressed and going thru something emotionally draining issue such as a divorce, you need to give that person time off! especially if she is to mind your child. her thoughts will be somewhere else. You need to let her go. I had a helper who was going thru this. She was always in deep thought and Sad. She would act all happy and try to do her work but what she was going thru really bothered her and she couldn't get over the betrayal.
You really need someone to take care of your child while you are at work. and it's not your responsibility to pay her while she's trying to get over a divorce especially if she's not performing and this is getting in the way.
I like what Wiz Bang said about how to handle the situation..
Hope everything works out for you.
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my fiance died while i was in HK, and even though i tried to stop tears from fallinf-it still did. however, i am mindful of what i have to do. i was very distress but i kept going because, it was tough, but i still did my job and worked hard. most filipinas are like that, we are very resilient because there are so many things that we have to think about. talk to your helper-its all u can do. have faith.
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