I am first time mum and also working full time. I recently hired a helper to take care of my 10 week old baby. The helper is very experienced and has her own ways of taking care of a baby. However, the past 10 weeks, while on maternity leave, I have already established my own way for taking care of my baby and it seems to work really well. This helper joined us about a week ago. She seems to ignore our way even after a few gentle reminders and is rather mechanical in caring for the baby..
Other things we notice is that she likes to leave the baby alone almost ALL THE TIME when baby is not sleeping in the cot and go about doing other things and once she even attempted to go take a shower. (she does not need to clean/cook as we have another helper to do that). As a first time Mum, I feel sad to see my baby left unattended when she clearly wants to be talked, cuddled or played with.
All is in my head is when I return to work, my baby will spend 12 hours a day without much human interaction.. Is that too much of me to ask the helper play and talk to her while I am away? I see some helpers around who are very good with children and they are "Sincere" with them.. Where are these helpers? I pay about market for this experienced helper...
Should I get another helper? If I can afford to quit my job, I'd do that without question!
Please support our advertisers:
Cartier, already said I am a first time mum. I do not expect all time attention from my helper or even myself. But would you leave your baby by himself in the cot all the time?
Please support our advertisers:
Well, I am not used the the idea where a baby is left alone all day with minimal human interaction.I guess you probably know a lot more than I do when I it comes infant growth & development...
Please support our advertisers:
Cara: Yes.. Maybe its not her nature to interact with babies other than providing her with the basic necessities..
while I understand that baby should also learn to self-soothe but for 12 hours a day with no one giving her eye contact or being spoken to seems a bit far fetch, no?
Please support our advertisers:
Got an idea. Why don't you do a swap with the other helper? Teach the other helper to look after your baby and this helper can do the housework instead.
With my first child, I was very anxious. I devoted all my attention to her and I expected my helper to do the same. I'd rather that my helper did no housework as long as my baby was entertained. I was so crazy... with the second, you learn to relax. Babies also learn by observing.
My advise would be to relax more but at the same time, I think it is important that you find a helper that you trust completely in handling your baby.
Please support our advertisers:
A few notes:
- Different people interact with babies differently. Some of it is just style difference. You cannot expect your helper to be entirely like you with the baby. But of course you should expect the same "ideals" to be upheld.
- Figure out what you are specifically unhappy with and have a calm chat with your helper about it. See what she thinks. Note if she changes after that.
- If you really can't gel with this helper, you may have to find a new one.
- Experience, as in "years with babies", can be overrated. Some first time helpers are amazing with babies, while others with years of baby experience are a disaster. Same goes for if the helper has good chemistry with you. Some will have it and some not.
- Of course babies should get a lot of attention it is also unhealthy in the long run for them to get attention 100% of the time. Being left "alone" from time to time (and more frequently with advancing age) is a lesson best learned earlier than later. However you have hired her to take care of baby so she should of course spend a lot of time with baby. From your comments it sounds as if she is almost ignoring the baby.
Please support our advertisers:
GemmaW, thanks for the suggestion. A very good idea indeed and would have worked out well. Except that our current helper who takes care of the house loves my baby but she had a bad experience ended up not having sleep all the time caring for a sick infant. So, she has nicely refused us but offer help if necessary....
Just spoken to this new helper aka "nanny".. she said she will try but as axptguy38 rightly said, good chemistry plays a huge role. My baby doesnt seem to have good chemistry with her.. In fact there were a few times, when this helper tried to talk to the baby and the baby just cried crazy when he saw her and heard her voice! I dont know why as it happens every now and then. But funny thing, the baby never do that to anyone else...
Please support our advertisers:
For such young babies it is normal for the mother or carer-if they have a maternal/paternal instinct to handle and talk to a young baby.
Example- while bathing a baby gently 'playing' with with the water, applying shampoos/lotions gently, and talking in a soft voice to make baby enjoy it, also during feeding, changing its nappy and winding.
If they (the Carer) treat this or any other handling tasks mechanically-like they are washing a dog or dishes, then trying to instil gentleness will not work, they don't have the instinct!
Has the helper had young babies of her own, that she has actually brought up? lots of helpers have babies, the only experience they have is giving birth!, then the baby is sent back to the home country for relatives to bring up, and the way they may bring a child up will depend on their educational and social standing wherever they come from, ie. the baby may be 'dragged up'.
It is normal for a young baby to sleep a lot, and is quite OK to lay the baby safely in the crib, and get on with housework, but when the baby is unhappy-has maybe wind, or crying, it should be gently soothed and talked to and put back in the crib where it can sleep. As the baby gets older it will require more adult attention as it is awake for longer times, they like being talked/sang to,playing with toys, that is how they learn their first words, they need stimulation all the time they are awake, then be allowed to sleep when they are tired at regular times of the day.
If your helper has no idea of these basic needs, maybe it is because she really hasn't had baby experience, and could be scared of handling the baby, and baby will sense this, or maybe the helper just hasn't got a clue! and not so intellegent possibly, you may want to start looking for other helpers who can do the job better, but suggest you ask around and get a highly recommended one with experience, from an employer who may be leaving Hk,and you can speak to the employer yourself.
Please support our advertisers:
Hi Richmond Hill
I know this post may be bit out of date now but just to say, it is hard being a new mum! I've got a 1.5 year old. As others have said, everyone may have different ways of doing things but I would certainly expect a certain amount of stimulation for my baby from a helper when he/she is awake - whether that's taking him/her out for a walk or just watching her do some jobs whilst 'chatting' to the baby? ...go with your mummy insticts - you're doing a good job :)
Please support our advertisers:
Trust your mummy-gut! If you feel the baby is just not comfortable with your helper or she doesn't have the right fit for you, she's not the right helper for you. A nanny is meant to deliver an extension of your own parenting, onto make up their own rules. You're the parent, you set the rules.
t was a nanny for many years before being a teacher and am now a mum and run my own business as well as being employed in another organization and my 1 helper handles everything I need her to. Sure, she has a different way of doing things and it took some effort for her to retrain herself to not pick up my toddler every time he squarked as she spent years working for a chinese family where the 6 year old was not even expected to feed himself....in that roll she followed the parents instructions to treat the kids like they were useless and in this job she's instructed to treat the kids in a way that teaches them to be mature and independant.
I honestly feel that looking after a household and 1 baby is not a 2 person job. Unless you have large dogs that need to be walked, etc, I would think that you're quite overstaffed. If you're unhappy with the 'nanny' you've hired, I would suggest letting her go and hiring a new nanny/helper. Hire someone with good common sense and a gentle nature who is assertive enough to grow into the roll of looking after a toddler/child and who is willing to take on household duties as well and then in a couple of months, let the 1st helper go too. By this stage the new helper will be comfortable with the workplace and understand the roll with minimal need for you to train her too much.
You've hired your original helper to be your 2nd pair of hands and she's stated clearly that she's not willing to fulfill the roll that it has developed into. Write her a good reference and say you've been happy with her but as she is not confident with small children, it would be best for her to apply her talents elsewhere.
That's what I would do in your shoes but good luck with whatever you decide
Please support our advertisers:
oops, that was 'not to make up her own rules'.... can't edit!
Please support our advertisers:
iam been a nanny/housekeeper for 21 yrs. in h.k with 3 children back home iam a filipina /i know 0-6 months babies are the best they dont move or play yet you only have sleepless night after then they need affection
Please support our advertisers:
hearthreeks is a helper looking for a job, she has probably only given birth to her 3 children, then sent or left them back home for relatives to bring up, and obviously knows nothing about small babies.
The fact helpers say they have children of their own does not mean they are experienced in child care to a standard most 1st world countries would expect, as a lot of them come from poor communities, probably have never attended a baby health clinic with their children, or even know which 'milestones' a baby should reach whilst it is growing up.
Please support our advertisers:
Geez guys, I think you just misinterpreted her, thats not what she really meant. I think she's trying to say that babies that age usually don't do much but sleeping. I mean, they do play and they NEED to move. She probably meant that the babies do not really require that much attention compared to what we give to toddlers but they definitely need lots of affection. Well we have different cultures, Philippines is nothing compared to your countries. But we do learn and we learn well, it just need a lot of patience to teach your uninformed helpers to be able to reach your standards.
Please support our advertisers:
Susie has a point and since "helpers from 3rd world countries are not experienced to a cannot meet the standard most 1st world countries would expect", mummies should just take care of their own babies! You get what you pay for.
RichmondHill,
Its possible your nanny is just uncomfortable/shy with you looking over her shoulder every single minute monitoring how she cares for your baby. have you asked your other helper if she also does not interact/talk with your baby when you are not around? If after talking to her/giving her guidelines nothing changes, then it's time to find a replacement.
Please support our advertisers:
You must be logged in to be able to reply.
Login now
Copy Link
Facebook
Gmail
Mail