Sad Helper

100% agree with Cara, honesty ( that means not lying) is much more important than doing the right thing all the time. I have two helpers, one who is super efficient but gives very evasive answers when things go wrong and the second, who really has a limited skill set (but a very big heart) who is always honest even when it makes her look silly. I am thinking about letting the evasive one go. You can always tell when someone is lying.

So prissie, if there is one thing you can take away, lying is not the answer, it always comes back to bite you. Honesty is always the best policy. Goodluck!

Hi Prissie,

It's a lack of respect for any employer to talk to an employee like that. I know if someone in my workplace said "Don't bullshit me!" in an aggressive manner, I'd be upset and shaken - even if I hadn't lied, which you didn't anyway!

It's a terrible thing to feel unhappy and disregarded in your job, and I'm very sorry that you haven't been treated with dignity in this situation.

I don't know how you can feel better about it though. Maybe speak to your employer another time in a calm moment? Or if you feel that you can't, then just try to forget it. Concentrate on the 1-year-old smiles and affection instead :)

Good luck to you :)

Alexandra, you were not there, so how do you know the truth, there is always two sides to a story, the employer and employee. Some people say."don't bullshit me" as a figure of speech,depends in the tone of voice used as to what they really mean!, and some people who tell porkies or little untruths do so habitually without realising, and some people just take it the wrong way and get offended easily.

It is up to the two people concerned to resolve it.

I do believe that when someone is not "telling the whole truth" they are lying by omission. It means that there may - or may not - be something to hide.


And, just like all employers aren't out to deceive and abuse the helper, I also believe not all helpers are all sweetness, virtue and innocence....or as "dumb" as they would like employers to believe.

Susie, of course it's up to them to resolve it. However the original poster was the helper explaining her side of the story and asking for opinions, not the employer. As far as I'm aware, we're not expected on forums to play devil's advocate and assess things from an unknown person's point of view. It's not a court of law, just people asking for help and advice and perspectives.


I find it hard to believe that in this case "don't bullshit me" was said in a jokey manner; in any case, even if it was, Prissie didn't perceive it as such.


The assumptions all down this thread that she MUST have told a lie or if not a lie then at least a "small fib" or a "little porky" are indicative of most people's willingness to jump to assumptions. My "assumption" (that Prissie was hurt and confused) was based directly on her stated feelings which, whether you agree with them or not, ARE her actual feelings. Perhaps Prissie's employer doesn't mean "don't bullshit me" in the sense that she thinks Prissie is lying, leading many of you to think that maybe she has told small lies in the past. But maybe her employer uses English as a second language and used "don't bullshit me" in a different way, to stop her talking or to demonstrate control and dominance, for example. None of us were there or know her employer; we don't know.


It's just another example of an undignified way of treating another human being - both the original words that upset Prissie, and the response on this thread.


Regardless of all that, there's no way I would feel comfortable with anyone in my workplace saying that to me in any tone or manner UNLESS they were a close friend - and let's face it, how many employers are very close friends with their helpers?

very well said AlexandraK. I couldn't agree more.


If it were the employer posting here that helper did this, everyone assumes it is the truth...now it is a helper posting for advice and some replies are no different from how the helper's employer thinks.


OP just wants employer to hear her out, listen to her explanation and I can understand Prissie's frustration since she has been accused of bs-ing and she isn't given the opportunity to explain. Anyone who is honest and yet gets accused of lying would feel the same way.

Not too long ago I had a conversation with a weepy DH and it went something like this....

"My employer told me I am a liar, and I am NOT a liar!" ..more sobs. "She always calls me these kinds of names when she is angry."

I asked her, "What do you think caused her to call you a liar?"

Her answer was very enlightening, she said, "My employer asked me to clean the floor and I was cleaning the floor, then she said I want you to come in the child's BR and fold these clothes, so I did. Right after that she said, you need to hang up the wet clothes. When she looked at the floor and asked me if I cleaned it, I answered, "yes" but before I could explain that I had not been able to finish, she became very angry and called me a liar!"


At the time I heard this, I thought to myself this is a rather classic miscommunication between an employer who had alot to accomplish in one day and felt they needed to urge their helper toward faster work. Combined with a helper who felt the employer entered into character assasination every time she did not measure up to her standards. Now after reading these many responses, I am reminded of how hard some words can be when used both cross culturally and with anger. I am not sure how many regular working people in HK are called out for dishonesty by their employer more than DHs. Perhaps that is why it is so difficult to find and keep a good one.

Dear Prissie,


Are you just being sensitive? Maybe...But it is never nice to be spoken to harshly. But I think I would feel sad and want support in your situation but I am a soft person too. Try to be strong and look for small moments of happiness wherever you can.

You have never complained or argued with her because you don't have the courage to do so...-She is your boss and probably doing so would make matters more uncomfortable. Listen to her concerns and try to be polite and respectful- don't give her any more ammunition unless you want to look for another job or give her a reason to be harsh again.

You need advice on what you should do to ease the pain and sadness in your heart- You could look for another job, or perhaps choose a time to sit and talk with your employer about how you could improve in her eyes? Ask her for advice on how you could work better together. It sounds like she is worried you will not be honest with her so you need to have the courage to communicate with her as openly as possible. Ask her for ways you can communicate better? Maybe a notice board, or a once a week quick meeting to check up on things?

As an employer the one thing that really annoys me is my helper having a list of excuses at the ready for any situation gone wrong. If standards are not met, I don't want a story, I simply want an apology, and to fix the error (and for it to be over quickly so we can get on with life)... I know she is afraid to take ownership and responsibility when she makes a mistake in case she gets in trouble or potentially fired and i try to be sensitive to that. But, I also want to trust my helper and, taking ownership of our actions is a part of that, in any workplace.


Try to be happy Prissie. Even in the nicest workplaces people can be nasty (especially between women) and no doubt you are living together in a small area so I can imagine there will be tension from time to time. Have a good cry and be upset and then go out there and try your best again. best of luck!