My helper has had some attitude issues all this while and lately its been getting worse. She has been with us for one year. She has been becoming very laid back - skipping more tasks as she wishes despite several friendly and firm reminders. She had also refused to follow instructions many times. I have let that gone by many times because certain things were not worth picking. But lately I find it very difficult and frustrating to deal with.
This is what we have been dealing with:
1) Skips tasks when sees fit: we have daily schedule on when to clean or what to wash. She does not follow and cleans only when she sees fit. When I asked her why she skipped the cleaning, she will say its not dirty. Similary, it goes with the laundry. There was a time where she didnt wash baby's beddings for 3 weeks until I ask! I do not normally ask if she had done what assuming that she is an adult and knows her work. I know some people are rather flexibile with the cleaning schedule as long as it gets done. With this helper, I cant trust her. A few times I fond out that she didnt do anything while we were away for two weeks. Only did the cleaning a day before we got home. She was napping all the time while my other helper was doing the daily maintenance cleaning.
2) Caring for baby: She sleeps while the baby sleeps in the morning/afternoon while there are tasks to be done such as preparing for the baby meals. When the baby wakes up, she will only start preparing the meal, fold her clothes etc.. while leaving the baby in the crib screaming for attention.
3) Ignore instructions: We ask that baby's diaper to be checked often as the baby had caught diaper rashes a few times. She forgets . When we reminded her, she will say " she is ok". But when asked her specifically if she checked, " she just says "No" but made no further attempt to check. Several times I caught dried poop on my baby's diaper when she says its ok!
4) Baby was sick last week. Doctor suggested to go without food and water for 24 hours. Without asking, she went ahead to feed baby with milk. when asked why, she said the baby was hungry and she seems well enough to have food. I think her ignoring medical instructions is not acceptable.
5) Told her to use a blanket on the stroller while out with baby. She didnt because she thought it wasnt cold. But it was dead windy that past couple days. Baby then caught with runny nose.
6) She keeps on moving things around without telling me. This extends to not just baby things, but our dry food, cooking utensils etc.. Today baby's shoes are in this drawer. Next week, there are somewhere etc. Every other week, I am struggling looking for stuff, if its not her shoes, her tops, cooking utensils etc.. Worse, on her days off, I cant get hold of her if I needed to know where things are. Despite repeatedly reminding her to inform me where things are if she'd moved them, it didnt register on her.
7) Requested her to keep her nails short on Day one. She said ok. She sort of did but left her thumb nail long. Asked her why. she said she needed that "to do things". I had no idea what thing but I let the one nail go. Lately, I noticed red, marks on baby's legs. Looked as if they were nail marks ( skin being jammed by nail). Following that I paid more attention to baby and realised that it was caused indeed by my helper's nails while she was carrying baby. I went to ask my helper if she cut her nails. Not surprising, they were long and sharp!
For your information, I have two helpers. Her task is mostly to take care of the baby and the baby's stuff. So her work is not really heavy/overloaded. My other helper is getting frustrated with this helper as well as she witnessed all these. Occasionally I work at home, and I saw the same!
Can anyone give me your perpestive on these things. I would want to know if I am being too stricy/picky.
The good thing about her is that she is truthful when asked. Aslo, I have had a few "Serious" talks with her on the importance of following instructions and schedule. I am not sure if she is genuinely stubborn , or forgetful...But I find it more and more challenging to manage her!
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I say give her a warning or two, and if things don't improve, it's better to find a new nanny for your baby.
Instead of firing the "existing" nanny immediately, it is usually better to try to make it work before terminating the contract. For one, you will need to go through the recruiting process, then the getting to know stage, the training stage, the adjustment stage, etc.
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i am surprised she is still there!! how could u tolerate her behaviour?! Baby is always the first priority. If she can take care of the baby well, then maybe I can keep one eye close on the other things. But sounds that she is not good at anything...
You have another helper as back up... so why is there still second thoughts?
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Bibpumpme: I seem to have a love/hate feelings for her. Overall she is a good person, goid hygene and good heart. baby seems ok with her. but I think she has her own stubborn ways of doing things...after talking to her couple of times, she improves. When the relationship becomes better, she starts her old ways again. I do not have a backup as other helper takes care of my pets and ones general household and cooking. It's impossible to do ll that with one person. Consequently I felt like I am held hostage and always have to give chances! For another reason, I m really scared of getting a worse person. I am hoping to manage her till end of the year and then, not renewing her.. As to giving formal warning, I am afraid she might hurt my baby...I am really conflicted!
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sagwa
11 yrs ago
Having 2 helpers at home is complicated. As one of them is tend to be jealous and make up stories against the other. I suggest you sit down with the one taking after the baby. Have a heart to heart talk with her. Be kind to her as she's the one looking after your baby.
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You have done the first thing. That is documenting the problem. Make her sign that you have told her what to do. Step 2, go to an agency and recruit a second helper. Third, if you can take care of your baby - assuming you can take leave from work - then terminate her immediately (after she has signed that sheet you gave her). You have to give her 1 months pay in lieu of notice. But to not change baby's diapers, scratching the child, all unacceptable. You can only imagine what else she does. If you terminate her for cause and give her the notice pay, also, you must buy her a 1 way ticket back to her home country. I would make sure she can't sell or cash the ticket (that it is nonrefundable and not changeable even with payment). Cathay have domestic helper tickets. you are justified. Good luck.
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Saminhongkong has a very vivid imagination! Where did you get "scratching the baby" from?
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KFHK
11 yrs ago
The thing that freaks me out more than your terrible helper is that your doctor advised 24 hours of no food or water for an infant. I'm shocked beyond words. May I ask what the ailment was?
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crxuk
11 yrs ago
Can I ask how do you treat her?
Nannies are like us too. It doesn’t mean we pay their wage we own them.
I always thank my nanny. I let her do whatever she wants and if she does something I don’t like I get up and do it myself and kind of show her this is what I want. I praise her food even though sometimes it tastes horrible. When the windows need cleaning or the house needs dusting I do it myself. She feels embarrassed and takes it off my hand and does it herself.
There is always something that you will have to do, if not it cannot be done.
If you do all of the above and your nanny still has attitude problem then you seriously need to consider looking for another one.
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Bottom line: Is your baby safe, loved and well cared for by her? Caring for an infant is not brain surgery or financial market analysis; it takes a modicum of intelligence, but HEART more than anything else. If she is overall loving to your baby, then the occasional missed diaper-change is not going to be a big deal. OTOH, if the missed diaper-change, going against doctor's orders, (although, I agree, it was a crazy order!), (frequent?) nail indentations are a pattern of carelessness or worse: passive-aggression; then maybe she is not really suited to infant care. Some helpers are goddesses at infant and child-care, for some people it's just not their forte. And yet, in my experience, there are helpers who will present themselves in an interview, (they need a job!) very differently than their skill set and preferences pan out.
Does she play with the baby?, sing to her? talk to her? Does she seem to enjoy being with your baby? These may be indicators of her suitability in infant care.
As to the rest of it; She is the secondary helper, very sticky social situation in any case and ultimately, IMHO, the problems you describe are just a part of having a human helper. When I run my own kitchen (on holidays) back home, I know where everything is. When my old helper kept me out of the kitchen and ran it herself, she knew where everything was. Then two of us sharing kitchen duties; occasionally things misplaced. NOW My husband and 2 sons get into the kitchen and no one can find ANYTHING!!
Best of luck to you and your household.
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Kfhk and cara,
Apologies! The baby was advised to be only oral rehydration solution, no other liquid. She had a bad case of gastroenteritis and milk upsets her stomach. Bu helper gave her anyway...
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Crxuk, I honestly have reflected if I treated her fairly... In all my heart, I had tried to be nice to her , talk to her and be polite to her... There is no doubt she has a good heart in general but way too stubborn and proud at times....as I am typing this, another incident just happened. Have a set of expensive pot and pan that I saved money to buy for myself for my wedding. After having one broken my an ex-helper, now I only use it myself and this helper knows she is not supposed to Use for anything...Guess what, she didn't listen ... She used it while I was away and hubby saw it.. She apologies and said she knew but she prefer my pan because its easier to clean!
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Beancurd, I take care of my own baby pretty much after 7 till the next morning. .. Baby sleeps with me. helper sleeps earlier than me and wakes up later then me...
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Your helper might just be waiting for you to terminate her. She might not happy with her job. I don't know how you deal with your helper but most of the time, everything that happens to you is the result of your own actions. Her disobedience shows her no respect to you as her employer but you should put in mind that respect is not being imposed, it's earned!
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jgl
11 yrs ago
Agreed that the helper could be angling for a termination.
Regardless of whether she is or not, after reading this this thread, it really does appear that the best move for you to just get rid of her and move on. You pretty much know from history that things will not improve with her.
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emerald07 this girl is a paid employee, she is paid to HELP, her employer doesn't need to 'earn' her respect. It's a job like every one else's, if she agrees to the terms then she does the job, if she finds it unsuitable for her (i.e her boss is intolerable) then she is free to leave. Sure if she likes the boss as with every job it makes the relationship easier but having your employee's respect is not a necessity, you already have referent power from the employer-employee relationship.
Furthermore, did it ever cross your mind that she is just lazy? and/or insubordinate? Why has the original poster brought it on through her own actions? What about ignoring the doctor's advice to only drink nothing else by electrolyte solution?
RichmondHill, I would be inclined to give her a written warning esp about the feeding of the child against doctor's orders. Many helpers when they want to leave or have found greener pastures elsewhere try to get themselves fired as they want the 1 month in leiu of notice as it's the end of the relationship and they are just trying to get as much for themselves as possible). This way if you have the warning and she does another ridiculous thing then you could fire her for gross misconduct and she would leave with her air ticket and not much else. To me its wrong to reward someone for wrecking havoc in your home.
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The employee devote not only the time, energy, creativity but also a part her live to the employer
well it appears that this helper does not have a terrible job and that the OP, the employer does a fair bit of the grunt work herself (doing all the night shift)
I don't think not following instructions i.e washing the bed sheets when she feels like it, changing the baby's nappy when she feels like it or remembers to (baby has already developed several bouts of nappy rash duirng her watch), ignoring doctor's orders, preparing the baby's food when the baby is awake and crying for attention (when she should have been doing it when the baby was napping - she herself is taking naps! despite getting >12 hours off a day) shows a DEVOTED employee who is putting her time, energy and creativity into her work. Think about it, would you want her looking after your baby because I sure as hell wouldn't.
Sure she may not be the worst of the lot, and her work performance is by no measure a reflection of whether she is a good person or not, but she is not a good employee to someone who appeasr to have been more than fair to her.
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AlexU
11 yrs ago
Sack her it will not get better
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Wow! Reading this thread made me wish all employers are like you. Me as a helper too can say she's not doing her job well. I appreciate you still thinking her side even though she's like that.if her contact is nearly finish then you can wait. If not then give her a month notice so that she'll have time to find new employer. If you do, can i apply? :-)
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This is the good time!its my firs time to read this thread.I have lot of experience being a helper.I've been reading this and think your such a good employer.I been working with babies from birth to 2yrs old.and do some other task.I think your two helpers are not in good terms and dhe feel you dont pick the other that much and she is doing something to upset you to termnate the contract.I have that experience with the other helper that i worked before.I do more works than her but she is more tired than me.and and if my boss picked her she thinks Im telling our boss of what she is doing.but on the other hand Tje thing worsen when Its almost time for me to leave for good.hope you wil find the best way.I am looking for a job but i could say I am a good at babies.thanks.
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Even with due diligence, errors of judgment can happen. I have hired helpers with great references except that they never worked for the guys who wrote the references. These Caucasian men were boyfriends of their cousins, aunts, friend of friends who work here as D.H.. When interviewing, ask to speak directly with the referees. Do not accept the story that they have all left HK, gone to the Moon etc. One time an acquaintance wanted rid of her helper and gave a glowing reference so I hired the girl. She spent most of her time on the phone talking to her boyfriend, a driver, working here. It's really a hit and miss affair. My entire family has lived here for over 40 years and we were lucky if we found 2 (good) in 10 helpers hired. It's ridiculous that because the 2 helpers may not get along that you have this problem. In the work place, we all have to learn to get along with our colleagues! Do we tell our Bosses that Miss So and So is a lazy sod so we can slack off in our duties? Of course not. BE FIRM. Fire her.
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"Good hygiene" What has her hygiene got to do with anything?
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I've forgotten what the thread is about already but just to respond to the last comment, "good hygiene" is actually quite important when you have kids, especially babies. For example, if she's been out to the wet markets, it's always a good idea for her to wash her hands when she comes home before preparing milk bottles for babies or feeding them solids. Or washing hands after changing baby's diaper before brushing baby's teeth.
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fire her for 3 main reasons:-
1. she left the baby with dirty poo in the diaper. baby has had diaper rash before so this check should be done regularly. leaving poo on baby's bum can cause the baby to be unwell.
2. she disregarded your instructions to put a blanket when taking your baby out, thereby your baby getting sick.
3. she disregarded the instructions given by the doctor to you and then you to her to not have any food or drink.
FIRE HER. I would even if I didn't have a second helper. My child comes first and a helper who repeatedly ignores what I say to her is useless.
she doesn't respect you and your instructions...
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Youve been given advice on the helper.......my thought....
no food OR liquids for a baby for 24 hours?
I've never heard of that......
What sort of incredibly rare disease is afflicting the child? You will without doubt do more harm with no liquids....or even water.....
you try it for 24 hours......hahaha.......thats is unheard of...... I'm concerned if you blindly follow the advice of a 'doctor'....that is so radical that yours is the first time I've ever heard of it...
...negligence must be the name of the affliction.
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...and its not all the helpers fault...
set a standard and stick to it....to allow it sometimes...then expect it other times.......your not clear....try that with a child, and you'll get a typical HK adolescent.. :)
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crxuk your nanny must think you are a right dope bet she laughs her head off with her friends on her day off talk about keeping a dog and barking yourself!!
A helper is an employee he/she is not a member of the family they are paid to provide an agreed service to your complete satisfaction when they stop doing this then let them go and move on instead of getting into protracted hand wringing nonsense such as being expressed in this thread. Grow up for goodness sake and take responsibility
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I honestly think after several warnings and she neglects to follow knowing that she has an important job (look after the baby well) - she should leave, no matter how honest. With babies, things need to be done well and proper.
Maybe it's not even honesty? Maybe she's only pressing the buttons each time knowing you will not hold her responsible nor have her replaced.
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Designmgr, my previous post explains the condition. However, don't you think it's a bit judgemental to say what you said? The issue is not with the disease of my child etc but its the helper ignoring instructions in general. I meant to ask for help and advice sincerely, not being judged in this forum . Thanks anyway for you two cents..
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RichmondHill. No liquids and no foods....just sayin I've never heard of it...unless there is some sort of IV attached....anyway....that's just a question...
your helper needs someone to step up and set a standard....your issues are a result of not being consistent...if you were...you would have her working well, or replaced...its simple not complicated.
Not looking for any judgements....then consider it my opinion....but put yourself out there for advice...expect judgements to be made on them.....or post on the Disneyland blog for the sunny skies and flowers...
Your asking for advice, which is the judgements of others.....accept or reject is your option....but advice as a general rule..is the judgements of others....that's why its all so subjective...
Hey It's your life....if above you don't have enough 'advice' then seek counseling.
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jgl
11 yrs ago
@design: If you are going to give advice you should learn to read first. Richmond has already explained that rehydration fluids were prescribed.
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jgl.....perhaps I misunderstood...read the below passage and tell me where I got it wrong that Richmond had doctors advice to not give fluids for 24 hours....
Exact entry by Richmond:
4) Baby was sick last week. Doctor suggested to go without food and water for 24 hours. Without asking, she went ahead to feed baby with milk. when asked why, she said the baby was hungry and she seems well enough to have food. I think her ignoring medical instructions is not acceptable.
....looks clear to me in this passage.....perhaps more was added after in another later entry, but in the entry referenced...the above is what I read...but then english is only a first language...what would I know.
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.I read this initial opening string and commented on what I read....that's why its here. I wish Richmond well...but believe they already know what can be done in the case of their helper...they just need to do something...and be consistent. I did question the comment as I saw it related to the withholding of liquids for a baby (assuming baby means under 1.5 yrs old) ....but that's what was stated in that comment.....they were upset (as per the comment about the helper giving liquids when the doctor advised that none should be given)...I agree dairy is problematic in many illnesses...but liquids in general...well...leave it to me to question a 'doctors' advise......but most things in life must pass the 'common sense' test....and the comment referenced (4) is questionable and suggests more than one issue to me....helper not following instructions....employer angry but not having a clear course of action to take...a doctor suggesting an infant should not have any foods or liquids for 24 hours.....all three are problematic in my opinion....but then perhaps the doctor later advised something different...in anycase...given the comment provided...I see fault in no less than 3 area's....but that's just my opinion....
I do see that they later referenced the doctors advice about liquids...but the comment was that they were angry that the helper gave liquids of any kind....perhaps a more clearly worded comment would have solved this later concern.
give the whole story first....then its so much easier to see a clear picture....
avoid such things....
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She is not trained for those tasks....unprofessional....find the right person for those tasks...you cant expect someone without training and experience to do every given task 100% perfect. Also lower your expectations and checking on her...it does not work like that. She is also a human not a robot that you can feed everything in and no chance of a mistake.
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