How to respond?

Helper started 1.5 months ago. She asked for a WIFI which we politely declined which was a good thing because she's been on the phone more than we would have liked. We told her not to because she's looking after very young kids especially when we go out. There's a real danger of my child wandering off or cross the road. I told her to help me look after my 4 month old and my 2.5 years old for half an hour in the shopping centre below where I work. I looked for them 15 minutes later and she was on the phone with my 2.5 year old running around near the escalator. I've told her three times already and when not looking, she would carry on what she does. My 8 year old tells me she's always on the phone. What upsets me is that she doesn't seem to care about them.


We find that she lacks initiative and isn't dedicated to her work or our family. She seems to want to do the minimum amount of work. I bought all groceries after work myself for the past month because I wanted her to know what we like to eat. Two days ago I told her that now she knows what we like to eat, she can go to the market now. She replied, "Mam, you told me in the interview over the phone I don't have to buy". I said, "Sorry, you misunderstood. I told you I'd buy all bulky items and non perishable items online twice a month but the fresh food marketing still must be done".

She says it's tough because she has 3 kids to care for. I have to remind her I take baby to work or baby is at inlaws daily. My eldest daughter goes to school until 3.20pm and when she's on holiday (like right now), she comes to work with me. So really she only has a 2.5 year old to care for and she too will be going to half day school next month.


I've discussed the above with her yesterdat telling her that I need to feel she's dedicated to my family and attend to my toddler's needs because I cannot see it. I'm hoping she'll improve.


One thing of immediate concern is that after the conversation, she started crying all night. I asked her what was wrong and she said she's worried that her husband in Taiwan might be having an affair because he ignores her calls. He called her back in the end. When she cried, she said she wants to go back in October because she hasn't seen him face to face in many years. She's just started. I asked her to go in Aug/Sept when my parents are around and she said her husband finishes contract in October and wants to go home then because of changes to Taiwan's law restricitng domestic helpers. I said, "In that case, can't you see him early next year when I have more leave? Because this year, I've taken maternity leave and emergency leave when I was in between helpers". She said she doesn't know because her husband might go back to Taiwan.


She's also told me a week ago that her husband wants more kids.


All these stories.... and I really don't know what to think.


She's not dedicated or hardworking as it is, so I worry also that if I were to say no to her request, would she get so upset that she won't care about my family even more?


I don't like terminating helpers but I do worry about her attitude/behaviour.

Family always comes first.

Minimum wage => minimum commitment.

I agree with Cara, let this helper go, and find one more dedicated to the job.

Also another thought, if she is desperate to see her husband and wants more children, then if she goes on leave only, she may come back pregnant and give you more headaches. You'll have bigger problems trying to get rid of a pregnant helper.

Give her one months notice, so that your parents will be around to help, and start looking for a new helper to start work as soon as the papers are processed.

mystic1 I can guarantee you that this helper we are talking about is NOT a STAR. No matter if she were to receive 6000 a monht plus wifi ect she's still going to be chatting on the phone. If you have no pride in your work, you just have NO PRIDE in your work.


AaliyahM, as Cara says, you know what to do. You are desparate and she knows it, that's why she keeps doing what she's doing despite your polite reminders. What I would try is completely cracking it with her and freaking out the next time you catch her on the phone. Let her know you mean BUSINESS. She's on her way out anyway by the looks of it as you can't trust her not to lose your toddler, keep your toddler from getting knocked over by a mini bus or taxi.


Also when she unburdens herself on you, tell her you are sorry but she needs to be good worker before you're going to take on any of her baggage/ negotiate for holidays ect.

Let her go ...


1/ she is not committed to her job at all.

2/ She is making her problems yours.

Thank you all for your helpful advices.


Last week, in desperation, I asked for help from her cousin who is my friend's helper. Her cousin is awesome, hardworking and extremely dedicated to my friend's family. My helper went over with my toddler. The discussion turned into a heated argument between the two of them with my helper crying. They also telephoned my helper's mother who is also in HK. My friend told me that there were lots of talking and arguments.


While this was going on, I got a call from my old agent recommending another suitable candidate after hearing my plight. The agent's really nice to me because she felt bad when my old helper (before my current) resigned to go back to her old boss despite me offering a HK$5k monthly salary and a free trip home to Indonesia each year. I told her I'd think about it.


However, after my current helper left her cousin, my friend asked her cousin how the conversation went. Her cousin said that she fears that my helper's said that if I don't let her go in October, she will resign and give me one month's notice. And she was fine if I gave her notice too. And despite advices from her and my helpers' mother, my helper is stubborn. She gave all sort of excuses when they tried to tell her how important it is to take her job seriously. Her cousin said that she won't help my helper with finding a job anymore. I was so heartbroken hearing that.


I decided to tell my old agent that I wanted to process papers for the helper she was recommending. We signed all the documents that afternoon and I got a chance to speak to the new helper. She was a delight to talk to over the phone. We met her yesterday and she openly showed interest in my kids and was very polite to us. I felt instantly drawn towards this new one.


Now here's the "headache" part. Somehow something in my current helper must have clicked. Suddenly she's changed! Last night and today! She read books to my toddler, played with her, cleaned my drawers for the first time, cleaned the house really well and even cooked us breakfast! So much so that I now feel extremely, extremely guilty.


I'm supposed to give her a one month's notice next week!


I spent a whole 1.5 months trying to talk to her to no avail. And then when I decided on a new one, she's become the helper I have always wanted her to be. I didn't mind that she couldn't cook the food the way we liked, it was her effort that I appreciated. I thanked her with a lump in my throat. It is now too late. She's on her way out....

I am a helper and I know what's going on .. I think you better to find a new helper and release her..