first experience with domestic helper of my own

hi everyone, i have had helpers in the house before (parents' place) but this is my first helper of my own and i have some questions. apologies for the long post..she came last week and we had a brief chat about what i expect her duties are - just general list of things like washing dishes daily and changing sheets once a week etc. in general i do not expect to look after my baby when he's born, so her job is mainly doing housework, maybe some cooking after the baby (i told her i normally cook). i asked her to tell me what resources she needs for her job and she's free to eat whatever's in the house or buy her own if she doesn't like our food..without going in too much detail, we went to the supermarket a few days later so she can buy food she likes. instead of her getting what she wants for herself, she ended up trying to to dictate what i buy for my own use - from what brand of tissue paper to what i should be eating (her suggestion was instant noodles for me, 7 months pregnant). i ignored her at first but soon got irritated and told her not to worry about me, if she wants something for herself, just get it..when i was cooking, i turned my back for literally 5 seconds to get something from the fridge, she steps in instantly and starts meddling with the food in the pan!! i was like no no no just leave it alone. i mean, what the heck??! if i wanted her to cook i would've asked her!!.my husband noticed the same thing, she would assert her way of doing things on us, which i'm really annoyed about. i understand she has her way of doing things, but we have ours, i dont go and tell her how to clean and eat and live, so why is she trying to impose HER way on us?!!!.to be honest, there isn't much for her to do in general now as i'm waiting for the arrival of my baby, so i said if there's really nothing to do, you are welcome to go online in your room or whatever (we gave her our ipad to use). yesterday, she sat on the couch with me (opposite ends) to watch tv, it was really brief so i wasn't too bothered...but today she stood behind the sofa and watched it with me for almost an hour!!! it was really awkward and i wanted to ask if maybe she had something else she should do, but i knew there wasn't anything she can do. and i didn't want to do the whole confrontation thing (cos there was more than 1 issue, i wanted to consolidate everything and have a big talk later)..none of the other helpers i've encountered have been like that - and i find it weird. i mean i'm not saying i'm the almighty boss and she has to fear me, but it's almost like she thinks she can bully me into doing things her way(!!!!!!!).another issue i have is that she finished her contract with her old employer (in hk) mid july, and she came to us last week (8 aug) with a renewed visa but she wants to go back to the philippines for a month in sept. she told us this before and we're fine with it as i'm due in oct. but we do have questions, please see below..so my questions are:.1. the new visa is for 2 years (24 months), but her holiday should be taken out from her previous contract, is it not? now the holidays are taken from OUR contract period, so that means of the 24 months, she is only fulfilling 23 months? if that's the case, aren't we getting the short end of the stick? as we are obliged to give her 14 days too right? and where would that be taken out of? it'll be from the same 24 months of our contract right? sorry i'm a bit confused by this so i'm not even sure if i'm asking the question right but does it make sense to any of you?.2. how do i let her know she shouldn't be imposing her ways on us without making it uncomfortable? i do feel like we've all been really nice and maybe she thinks just because we're nice she can see how far she can push us????.3. how can i prevent her from watching tv with me? or being around me in general when i'm just relaxing or whatever.4. am i being too demanding?? or too princessy?.thanks for reading and keen to hear back from anyone.

As far as the vacation issue I recommend you abide by whatever agreement you have made. To alter the agreement would be a violation of trust and create bigger issues later.Otherwise I don't think you are being too demanding at all. I think the problem stems from the helper not having enough to do. I would guess the previous helpers you had experience with were had many more duties to occupy their time. The month of vacation will work in your favor because it will not allow her to get comfortable with few responsibilities.Keep in mind cleaning and cooking are generally part of a helpers duties. She may trying to impress you with her abilities by making recommendations. In the short time you have prior to your delivery you need to train her how you want things done. Allow her to do things like the shopping. Send her shopping and if she does not bring back what you asked for send her back to the market for the correct items.You could also teach her how to cook according to your taste. Again, if she deviates from your instructions have her do it again until she gets things done correctly. Be sure to be firm and professional and without losing your temper. If you get angry she will respond by being defensive and it will only lead to future problems.I am assuming that she will be caring for the baby after delivery? If so, it is important for you to know that she will follow your instructions. It is most likely the current problems are due to boredom and miscommunication, but it may also be that she is opinionated and stubborn. Either way it is best to find out now and dismiss her if she will not comply.

Questions answered first -->1. Follow the agreed leave arrangement if you can. If you have difficulty that might be arisen lately, that talk to her again for another arrangement. After all , you are the boss. If you want to take leave but your boss said he has difficulty, what do you do and what would your boss do ?2. Yes, it seems that just because you're nice she would like to see how far she can push you. More communication or even education on host-guest relationship is needed. You cannot have the egg and also have the chicken, she cannot be paid and act like the payer..3. Just talk directly can do..4. No, you are super good.trying to impress you with her abilities by making recommendations?? .... ... .... you know the answer already as you experienced "trying to to dictate what i buy for my own use - from what brand of tissue paper to what i should be eating (her suggestion was instant noodles for a 7 months pregnant)" Who is the host in the house? If she cannot buy the correct items as told, you have no obligation to pay for them.Talk to her professionally in manner and with firm stance and tone. Observe to see if replacement is needed.

oh dear! I could give you pages on this, however, start as you mean to go on is best advice. You can't say go in your room and watchOUR ipad and next day you dont want herwatchingthe ipad when you hve something you want done because let me assure you, that's what will be happening. You cant say today watch TV with me and tomorrow you are annoyed becauseshe is sitting for 1 hour beside you watching TV. This is the typical mistakes Employers make with their Employees when first start, nowin her opinion, you're a"soft touch". We all want to be nice andhave a nice atmosphere in your home but being overly nice at the outset doesnot set the right example. Think Employer and Employee, then you both know where you stand. Think of it; if you worked in an office/shop etcwith not much going on, do you think your Employer would say, come into my office and watch someDVDs on my laptop!!!!! NO. This is trouble in the making. If she is not showing interest in being responsible andable to keep herself busy, then there is no hope in 6 months time. Helpers are used to doing the cooking to I guessshe just wants to show she is willing.In this instance, you need to explain that you will do all the cooking but if you need her help you will let her know. Youjust need to set the record straight, act like her employer and keep the relationship like any normal 'working' relationship.Good luck but I'm afraid you needto think hard about what you want from this helper. If its not working out get rid of the helper and start afresh withyour own rules with a new helper. I'm sorry to say I've been down this road too many times and finally learned keeping a mutual respect and an employer/employee relationship works best and I now have an excellent helper who we both are very happy with our working relationship.As regards the holiday allowances the answer is in the above posts.