Advice on whether I should allow my helper's family to visit!

Posted by geraldine.vdm 5 yrs ago

I was hoping I would be able to get some advice about allowing my helper's daughter (10) and husband to visit her in HK while we're away? She will have been with us for 1.2 years.
She has been with us for half year and has been terrific, I couldn't have asked for a better helper.She is great with my 2 dogs of which one can be a handful and problematic but truly loves them and also when she needs to take care of my son, once in a blue moon does it with love and care.
Now we have decided to offer her to go back to her family in the Philippines for xmas on her own costs as we are also giving her 2 weeks of for her daughters school graduation in March (which we're paying for).

She has now asked if there would be a chance instead of her going back home that they come to HK.

I personally am okay with it as a) we're not here and b) I believe it would be nice for them to see for once the city she has worked in for the last 6-7 years and meet her friends and see her church etc etc... I also trust her because if i didn't I would fire her. She at times takes care of my son and he is the world to me so wouldn't leave him in someone's hands I don't trust.
Now, my husband thinks slightly different and is worried about the boundaries. She never takes liberties and even sometimes helps when it's her days off, which I then have to tell her not to do and isn't necessary.

Please would anyone be so kind as to give me their opinion?

Thank you kindly!!!

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sunshine929 5 yrs ago
The answer is NO.

Put her on a plane to see her family. Put the dogs in kennel care.

You do not know what big party occurs in your home while you are away.

Put simply, would your boss at work allow your family to spend overnight in your office ? NO.

Your home has your personal contents, you do not have control over who your maid invites over to stay to meet husband and child. It will b like the teenager who throws a wild party with the intention of cleaning up afterwards.

You have a contract with her. She does the job. You pay the wages. She is not abused.
If she has other people stay overnight and something happens, then you are held responsible.
And let's face it, a big apartment, she will definitely invite people around.

Perhaps the image of some stranger having sex in your child's room or bed (with out your helper's consent) might help you to say NO.

She can be a great helper. You have to be create a safe environment in your house for your children. If you open your house to strangers, why not just leave your bank book and ATM lying around.

Been there. Done that.

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lagrue 5 yrs ago
To the OP I agree with your husband. I would not be in favour of your helper and her family coming to HK and staying in your home whilst you are away. You see, what you have with her is a professional relationship, although you might have a friendly relationship with her she is not your friend, nor is she your relative. I think you should keep it professional and manage expectations on both sides. If you say yes this once, then how are you to say no next time? What if after this time, she wishes her family to visit whilst you and your family are in HK? What about having her friends to stay on her day off? If you say yes one time, and no the next, where is the consistency here? Also if you think of her as your friend/family, then why not agree to her requests.

I see this time and again, a perfectly good working relationship goes awry when both sides don't constantly make the effort to keep the relationship professional, boundaries are transcended, not really an employee but not quite a family member/friend . She sounds like a keeper, but that doesn't mean you have to agree to all her demands to keep her. I think you have this subconscious thought that I must trust her to leave my son with I can trust her with something less valuable to me like my home (thought behind this is son is much more valuable than any material thing). You do not need to agree to her requests to prove it to yourself that you trust her enough to leave your son with her.

You sound like a good employer. Tell her it is fine if her family wish to come to Hong Kong to visit but they can not stay at your home, offer some small amount towards the accommodation if you really wish to be generous. Managing employee relations when the employee is so involved in your everyday is hard. Keep a cool head, think rationally and don't over compensate. Good luck with your decision.

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