Posted by
:-)
20 yrs ago
What is better? treat your helper as part of your family or treat her as your DH..
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ShazP
20 yrs ago
Treat her as a person...treat her well....let her know your expectations from the very beginning.
To what extent do you mean when you say ' treat her like family'?
You & me have different opinions judging from the previous threads! Waiting to hear your opinion of me yet again.
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I know that you are both 'fighting' each other on the other thread. And :-) wld like to know how many people wl be on her side and how many wl be on spare rib hk's.
To me, first of all, the word 'better' is inappropriate here. An employer who treats her helper as part of the family is no 'better' as a person, than those who treat their helpers as helpers. Can you compare your relationship with your sister to others? I wld say the answer is no, because you cant simply compare a relationship.
I treat my DH as a helper as to me she is my helper. I also treat my personal assistant at work as my personal assistant, because she is. 'Part of the family' is totally a different thing.
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If I could have my family around, I would rather have them live with me & enjoy my home.
I would yet have a DH to do the chores, work, etc.
Why would I treat my DH like my family? Strange thread :)
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When did any employee become a member of the family?
I often clean my bathroom after my 'family' have used it. Buggered if I'm going to do the same after my helper! I often share the same cup as my wife and daughter. No way maid!
I would rush my wife and daughter to hospital (God forbid) if the need arises. I would rush my maid to the same hospital for the same reasons.
Family member??? No way! Never. Will I ill treat? No way. I am an employer (and an employee too and trust me, whilst my boss does not 'ill-treat me' he does not welcome me into his family circle either!) is she an employee? Yes.
Lets keep it in context guys and less of the 'all employers' should be ultra-nice to the victimized helpers of the world.
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It is better to treat her as a sort of family member, that way she will reward you of her services more than what you expect. Its hard to treat DH like a part of family becuase some may take advantage. Use your own good judgment. If you really found one that is good then you are lucky to be true. Trust me.
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cd
20 yrs ago
I don't think you should treat her as a member of the family, I certainly don't want her eating with us when we have our family meal, and I find it sad when I see people taking their helpers on family days out or even holidays, surely they can manage their kids themselves for a few hours.
Treat your helper with respect but always remember that you are the employer and they are the employee.
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Why wouldn't you want her to eat with you during your family meal?
After all, she did cook it, didn't she??
I personally don't understand the vehemence of that logic. Perhaps that's just me.
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I don't eat my meals with my employer. Why would my employee want to eat her's with me?
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am sure its not really a big deal if some employers don't want to share their meals at the same table w/ the helpers. Respect and space is that all needed to have a smooth sailing contract.
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cd
20 yrs ago
To pathoftherighteous.
Actually I do 95% of the cooking, its my family so my job to look after them.
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In my case, most of the time my helper cooks for us. But just imagine this : you and your husband (wife) eats at about 8:00 pm at night at home. Your child (children) is sleeping. I m sure you have a lot to talk about at the table with your husband, so why you want the helper to be there at the same table? This logic is as clear as mud to me! My helper will never be part of my family, but she is a high respected person in our household.
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with our first dh, we gave her the option of eating with us. she agreed to, but we later realised that she would have preferred to have eaten her own food with friends she had in the building.
we started with our first dh thinking she was going to be a member of the family and it was a disaster. i gave no guidelines at all, and her output decreased and decreased. finally, she left us after we found her downloading stuff and found out she was dating a married expat based in japan who had children.
with our new helpers, the relationship is much better, i have expectations, and they are aware of them. we laugh together, we work side by side, i delegate decisions to them, but they recognise i am the employer. they exceed my expectations and we are so grateful to have them in our home.
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