Posted by
susiebee
12 yrs ago
So our helper has been with almost four years. When i say something to her ie Good morning or could you water that plant please...... I get no reponse.It has always been an issue but it is now more pronounced. It is very irritating. I am not sure if she has heard me or not, therefore often having to ask twice. She has usually heard me and has chosen to not respond. We have dicussed nthis with her numerous times. Sometimes it gets better for a short time but generally it goes back to non response mode. I find it really rude. Is this a phillipino thing or is it just our helper. It is driving me mad!!!
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It's a Phillipino thing and they don't even realize they are doing it. I've always had this problem with ours and had many discussions about it. I even read your post to her and she still doesn't realize that she does it because she replied 'that's rude!'
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Ditto!
Same story and it drives me mad. I even get the little lift of the eyebrows, which I think is definitely a cultural thing for them, but also find it very annoying. I've also had talks but it hasn't worked. We're changing helpers and I made sure the new one was a 'Yes Sir', 'Yes Maam' person. It's not that I want to be called Maam all the time, it's just plain courtesy and I want to know that my message got through.
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its a cultural thing. and though its really annoying its never meant to be rude at all. some chose not to respond because they usually feel embarassed, ashamed, or they dont want to ruin their concentration on what they are currently doing when you are talking to them. yeah its really weird but i guess thats just one of the things to endure with a foreign helper. its like the "oh yeah" u give while doing something which they were never be sure if you'te listening or even heard what theyre talking about.
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Totally disagree!
My filipino helper has worked for our family for 10 years. She always says "good morning, good afternoon and evening" to us and neighbours which make a lot of people in HK shame of their manners!
The plants in our family are her babies! She even got so worried and upset about the plants when she had to go back to The Philippines for holiday!
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FIFIB
12 yrs ago
It is a Phillipino thing! I have had 3 helpers and all the same.
My current helper has been with me for 6 years. When I tell her to answer to me she says she did, but I tell her in your mind!
My friends have the same problem.
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Totally disagree also..
I know plenty of Phillipino domestic helpers who are polite and well mannered. It is more about an individuals upbringing than a cultural/racial "Phillipino thing". Using the term "Phillipino thing" is a racist attitude...
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Ed
12 yrs ago
"Racism is the lowest, most crudely primitive form of collectivism. It is the notion of ascribing moral, social or political significance to a man's genetic lineage -- the notion that a man's intellectual and characterological traits are produced and transmitted by his internal body chemistry. Which means, in practice, that a man is to be judged, not by his own character and actions, but by the characters and actions of a collective of ancestors. "
"A genius is a genius, regardless of the number of morons who belong to the same race -- and a moron is a moron, regardless of the number of geniuses who share his racial origin."
Ayn Rand
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to the OP, you need to have a little bit more patience towards your DH and understand that it is more of a cultural/language thing. Depending on which part of the Philippines your DH is from, certain "typical" norms in the western/modern culture is not common. For example, the greeting "Good Morning" is not really done on a typical/conversational basis - but more like a perfunctory greeting towards, say, a teacher or professor at the start of a class. Moreover, some others - those raised more conservatively are more timid/shy in responding because they have been taught that to answer directly is rude/impolite. And unless it was something they felt very important or passionate about, they will probably respond with either a nod, a smile, a nod, a lift of the eyebrows. Unless they were pulling a long face, throwing things around, or sulking, I doubt if they meant to be rude to you. Westerners have their own peculiarities I think - and asians probably think some of these actions are rude as well.
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Well it's not a Filipino thing, it's a Universal thing, and it's all defends in what level of thinking you may have. and as Employer it's your responsibility to educate and teach your helper the way you want to.
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londa
12 yrs ago
Four years and you still don't have a relationship? I would suggest that there is a problem on both parts! I fine the helpers here to be kind, giving and willing to help in anyway. I find the people here treat their "helpers" with great disrespect. I'm not saying you do but maybe she misses home, her family and just needs to feel appreciated. Just saying!
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Wow, there are a few angry people on here. I have a good relationship with my helper except for this issue which I thought would be best to ask for advice on. I totally agree that some people in hk treat their helpers really badly. Im australian and would have no issue with saying that certain habits are an "aussie thing" without feeling i was being disrespectful or racist!! The most important thing for my helper and I has always been communication. I think almost any problem can be solved by talking about it. In the end this is what we did. We had a chat and gave each other a hug and agreed that we both need to communicate more. Thanks to the people who advised that yes, this is sometimes a habit but is not meant to be rude. That was helpful in understanding why my helper does this. All back on track. To the people who are looking for a fight about racism.... not interested. I fully appreciate the difficult job that helpers do in HK
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FIFIB
12 yrs ago
My helper of 6.5 years just left :-( I
Have the new one and she doesn't answer I asked her why is this. She told me it is her tradition not to answer when she is in the same room as it should be understood she heard !
I hate so much I am talking to her and she doesn't even look at me!!
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my helper of over a decade left under so many half truths, unclear stories, etc. without so much as saying thank you, ill be in touch, NOTHING. and for those who think "maybe she wasnt a good employer"... that is what other people think until it happens to them. Our family could not have been more generous, loving and appreciative to excess at times (she would not have hung around for so long if life was not good, conversely she was a good helper) It is a "domestic helper filipino thing" as they are not very well educated in any level and they are survivors. For those who think, the helpers can become part of their family..forget it. She was a good employee and did her work well but as for having any pleasantries,gratefulness, love, or care for us...nil. Dont waste time with grace if helper is doing a good job, in the end that is what we pay for, if it is something that really bothers you, get a new helper, any amount of explaining will not get through, they either do as told or not. It is an employer/employee relationship nothing more. good luck!
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FIFIB
12 yrs ago
Yes it is bothering me a lot. I am talking to her and she doesn't even look at me, I have to ask her to look at me when I am talking to her.
But this is my 4th helper and all of them are about the same altought this is the first one that tells me it is not her tradition to answer if we .....
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Hugie
12 yrs ago
not sure if I qualify to answer here (im British!) I noticed that someone said their helper raised their eybrows after being told to do something. That means yes! It's a common filipino gesture. My darling wife does it all the time!
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Hugie
12 yrs ago
not sure if I qualify to answer here (im British!) I noticed that someone said their helper raised their eybrows after being told to do something. That means yes! It's a common filipino gesture. My darling wife does it all the time!
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I like my indonesian helper. She is kind and good. On the other hand I hate those filipino helpers I see next door. They acted like they own the flat.
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What is it with you people who have filipina maids? When you notice some things or habit you do not like - you say it is filipino/philippino thing to do? Just show that you have not encounter other filipinos other than your helper? Rob is very right with his/her comment.
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m-jay
12 yrs ago
if your boss treat you good and nice you will feel happy,isnt?so your helper as well,,,,i dont think that is a
filipino thing,Filipino known for being friendly and polite.we always
have a ready smile to greet everyone, but most employers eventhough you greet them they will ignored you based to my experienced,but im lucky that i have a western employer now and they are very good....
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m-jay, I agree that if you treat others well, they will treat you well too. However, once again, it is also a generalisation made that western employers are better than their asian counterparts.
It just goes to show that we all generalise based on our own individual experiences and the influence society has on us.
I have a filipino helper but I also have a lot of good friends who are filipinos AND indonesians. My previous filipino helper was pleasant enough to greet us and people around us. She was also more daring in voicing her opinions to us and to all. As a result, she knows almost all the filipino helpers in our estate. My current filipino is quieter and we greet her but she just lowers her head and smiles. Sometimes we don't get a smile either. She seems to keep to herself and doesn't mingle with other filipinos. It's just different characters and I don't get offended. I won't stop greeting her because I hope that one day she'll learn from us instead of the other way around? The trick I guess is to show her a good example to follow and hopefully she'll return it.
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I think most Filipinos don't like to be told twice or trice like the OP said "water the plants" For Filipinos of course you have a common sense that everyday you need to water the plants. But maybe because the employer saw the plants not water yet and she told the helper, and the helper is doing some other thing. and she will water it after. Your helper is working with you for 4 years of course she knew her systematic task already. Or she might forgot to water it first.
But its not a Filipino thing either.Its for an individual thing depends on from what part of the Philippines your helper came from.
Some Filipinos are show off, some are not, some are jolly, some are typical shy, so there are lots of different characteristics of an individual, not only for Filipinos but some other race too.
Maybe your helper is not in the mood to answer you back in a nice gesture or in a happy face, or didn't hear you, or something etc..so there are many reasons for that.
And lastly, don't compare Indonesian helpers to Filipino helpers for any reasons by hook or by crook they are not the same.
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I'm new to the boards and I'm shocked at some of the horror stories on domestic help in Hong Kong. I grew up in Asia where employing help is the norm rather than the exception. And over the years we have been fortunate to have had many that have even stayed with our family for many years and have left when they decided to have families of their own. This is definitely NOT a Filipino "thing". I feel for Susie here.
Word of advise, once they hit the thirties mark you would imagine they would be more responsible, and sometimes that's true. From experience at this age they are no longer receptive to any form constructive criticism. And that's a problem. If this were back in the Philippines, it would mean they do not answer in defiance to what you want them to do. They know it is being rude but they do it anyway. Can't teach an old dog new tricks.
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My helper always responded to my messages. Talked to them again and again. Like training a dog.
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It is definitely not a "filipino thing" ... a simple smile, a nod is a way of communicating also especially when she is not that good in expressing herself/ talking in english.In Philippines, grammar is very important in english classes and that makes us a bit shy to talk sometimes thinking that our sentence isnt composed correctly.
It may look rude to anyone but we should always remember that different countries have different cultures, yes; but whatever your race may be it is what is inside you that reflects your personality...
if i may add this up, from a filipina beauty titlist ....
YOUR NANNY
"Let me tell you what she is. She is someone who gives more than she takes. She is someone you trust to look after the very people most precious to you – your child, the elderly, yourself. She is the one who has made a living out of caring and loving other people.”
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This is not a Pilipino thing or a Pilipino culture.
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i will not try to be politically correct but helpers of some of the people i know have the same issue. i dont know if its intended to be rude in their culture but to me it's rude and i don't think we can ever solve it because they still do it despite what their employers think.
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SOLID ADVICE HERE so pay attention! If they have been with you for a year or more EXPECT them to do their job. You may tell them what to do and they will do it.
It seems that OP (original poster) wants to feel like some sort of master over slave response. In ANY work situation that is very degrading.
In short, NO IT'S NOT A FILIPINO "THING". They just feel annoyed to be ordered around and feel like being treated like a stupid idiot.
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Nde
12 yrs ago
I’m Indonesian helper and working for western employer in Sai kung.I was their maid no 4.
All their previous helpers from Philipnes break contract after working 2 weeks, 2 months and 4 months.
Only me who still working for them until now (18 months) and I’ll try working for them until finish my contract (2 years)
I understand the reason why their previous helper (3 Philipines helper) break the contract because they are can not stand with my employer attitudes like yell, shout, slaming the door in front of helpers face, etc until ours neighbor can hear it..
Philipines helper always say to me that I'm crazy still working for this employer but I just smile..
I also experienced and more worse..from this employer but I try to be a patients..
One day my employer fight each others .. and as usual my Mdm would vent her anger to me as well.
Everything what I touch will make her more angry.. I want to go to the toilet is also not allowed ..
One day she put a fork into my back and kicked me while I was still full of hand washing with soap.
Stick a fork in my back ..she asked me to left her house and she pushed me to the floor.
After that she was crying and asked me not to report to labor what she had done to me.
Among confused, shocked and scared .. I just said that I would not report to labor.
Please .. do not cry .. do not let your children see you like this..."I said to her
Her son (2 years old) saw the incident immediately.
I can attest(proof it) about this incident by letter of apology from her
My Mdm .. often asked me why I do not want to resign like her previous philipines helper??
I just replied that I still want to work for them because..
1.I loved her children so much
2.I understand your condition when mdm angry..
3.I always thinking the way you’re kind to me rather thinking the way you’re evil to me.
4.Mdm already apologized to me and I shall forgive and forget because i am religious.
God is most forgiving to us..as human why I would not forgive each others?? ..
Now my Mdm become more kind to me..
Only my Sir were still nasty to me, especially after I found out that he had another mistress.
He was so scared I was talking to my mdm .. but I did not say anything to my mdm..ist not my business..
Sometimes I feel like stupid idiot and sad when he told something by yelling and repeatedly when I've told him .. YES SIR!!
I am very sorry for my Mdm and to be honest.. I really love the children…
If the employer treats the maid well ..
then the maid would be more loving ,resfect to their employers ..
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I Know my job and doesnt feel bad when told ones or twice. Maybe employers forgot they have already told something to their helpers, or that they want to initiate a conversation, who knows. I am a helper myself and I love having intelligent conversation with my employers. Also i told them from the beginning that they should tell me frankly if i am doing/saying things that annoys them. Good and open communication is very essentiaA person with a good personality is a good person herself. Sometimes Bad Habit/actions depend on who they are dealing with. (just saying)
Please do not generalise. Its definitely NOT a cultural thing.
One more, Treat others with respect and you will be treated well in return. Respect should not be demanded, its something that we earn.
Have a good one!
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It is not a Filipino thing. Actually in Filipino culture they kiss their elder's hands. I'm not Filipino but have Filipino friends.
It has helped me a lot because I go to them every single time I have an issue with my helper.
They have an entirely different culture. Most helpers are from the country so they have no idea how to interact with their employers.
If you hire the older Filipino helpers they'll be more courteous. An ex older helper always says "good..." anything even if we didn't say it first or reply.
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I am a Filipino helper and I would disagree what you believe. It is not a Filipino thing.
As a domestic helper I always said good morning sir, ma'am , or good evening even though they never response me back.. if my employer ask me to do this , I response them yes or ok.. but we aren't perfect I do same thing too sometimes not responding them .. when I am full loads and they ask to the things right away that is not really necessary or you can do it in other day and keep reminding me sometimes its annoying. sometimes employers also need to be sensitive.. but if you are saying good morning to your helper and she never response that's a foul. that is not a Filipino culture. but some of the helper they just smile when you talk to her or say good morning to her..
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I lived in the PH for 12+ years. There is a Tagalog word for the mood issue, I think it starts with a T? Anyway it occurs in all levels of society, akin to pouting in a way. However being rude is being rude and rudeness is often practiced as manipulation. The job of the domestic is as Marilag has said or she is simply not doing her job and that is a problem or perhaps a clue. Be careful of those games and find a good employee.
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I am a Filipino,and I always say Yes Sir,Yes Mam,even to friends of my employer...I am a teacher back in my country and they call me Sir but I quit that job to work here and would be the one to say Sir/Mam to my boss.not a big deal...I also say good morning to people I bump into and in fact I would feel bad if I miss the chance to say it...If you say it's a Filipino thing,it is being a racist...because we Filipinos always smile..the case is depending on how you treat your worker...please don't blame the culture or tradition or any place...look at yourself first.ask yourself....those who say it's a Filipino thing, are the negative people...coz if you put that thing into a positive perspective you would not even judge that way....in every place,there is always good and bad...nobody is perfect.
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This is not a FILIPINO THING..Filipinos are known for their CHEERFUL ATTITUDE..and POSITIVE OUTLOOK in LIFE.
Maybe there is a reason behind that unpleasant attitude of your Helper..
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