Posted by
kooni
19 yrs ago
I am moving to HK this summer with my husband and 2 young children, so have been reading the DH threads for a little while now to best prepare for hiring and maintaining a good relationship with a DH. This board is completely depressing! Please share some positive experiences with me and the rest of the board? I have read about soaking suede shoes, theft, lying, bad attitudes, more lying, laziness, carelessness, callousness toward employer, constant signing of notices... Makes me not want to hire anyone -- especially to live in my home. Please tell me this is not an accurate picture. Thank you in advance for your positive stories! (I hope there are many.)
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Yes - loads of people have good helpers, look for the advice for new employers threads.
My first helper was rubbish, my current one is great. Brief advice:
1. Interview a lot, trust gut feeling as you have to live with this person. Check references and ask sensible questions to past employers. Don't hire someone who you can't communicate well enough with.
2.Write down your household rules and practices. NEVER trust to comon sense. Put down in writing things like use of TV, phone calls, meals, friends visiting, working hours, whether you prefer not to give salary advances (trust me, this will come up later), when holidays are to be taken, what holidays are to be given (check what the legal minimum is), what to do if she's sick, etc. Just write down everything, and show her before you both sign the contract, Then file it where you can both refer to it later.
3. Never trust to common sense for how you want things done. Show her - if you have a particular way you want something done show her, don't assume her way is the same as yours. And tell her right at the start that she should ask you at first about anything she is not sure about.
4. Get a copy of 'The Helper's Helper' book - aimed at HK employers and helpers (actually written for helpers, but v. useful to give you ideas).
5. If you feel a little uncomfortable with having a helper, I recommend getting someone younger than yourself - I always felt awkward with my first helper as she was older than me and I felt a bit rude telling her when she'd done things wronf. My new helper is a couple of years younger than me - old enough for some common sense, but I feel better this way.
6. DON'T rely on friends' references - a lot of people who are leaving HK feel responsible for helping their helper get a new job, and will recommend less than good ones (again, personal experience).
It's fine - but be careful at the start. Don't rush into it - you can get part time local cleaning help at first, if you want, on an hourly basis - then decide if you really need a full-time helper.
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Geiboyi, this should be posted on the front page. Outstanding post.
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kooni
19 yrs ago
I agree! Thank you very, very much, Geiboyi.
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kooni
19 yrs ago
Green,
Thank you very much. That is very reassuring.
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To me, our key mistake when we hired our first live-in was that we became insane. Somehow we fell into the all too common trap of thinking of this differently than an employer-employee, business relationship. We wanted to be nice. We wanted to be friendly. This may be fine for my partner who has only this year started supervising people, but in my work role I have supervised thousands of people in my life. I am very good at it actually, and have excellent relationships with all my staff, but at work I have never forgotten that our main goal together is centered on money.
Keep it clear in you're own head and it will save you quite a bit of frustration. This is an employee, not a family member.
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Suggestions:
- The oldest daughter from a large family will probably have helped her mum to keep house and to take care of the younger siblings.
- References from locals are probably worth more than references from expats.
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kooni
19 yrs ago
Chefcrsh and Burgundy,
Excellent advice. Thank you very much. I agree with both. Yes, one cannot be buddy-buddy with the domestic help -- good fences make good neighbors. My current "helper" in the states is the oldest of 10 and has three of her own; she is wonderful. Thank you.
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ET
19 yrs ago
Joshmomm, can you share your interview questions list with me? I am hiring a DH and thinking of questions to ask when interviewing. so it will help me lot. You can send me PM is it is a long list.
thanks
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Joshmomm, I would love you to share your questions with me, too - I'm just in the middle of interviewing helpers. I saw 5 today. None of them were good.
I sort of agree about the reference letters - you read a fab. letters written by ex-employers (mostly expats) and meet the helper for the interview thinking she will be brilliant, but actually she doesn't seem all that great...
One of our main criteria is that she has to be a cheerful, happy person but not too talkative nor noisy. This was one of the reason why we had to fire our first helper. It just wasnt't healthy having a person as miserable as her. But we couldn't tell all that stuff at the interview - we only realized after started living under the same roof.
Anyway - this is a great thread - I will keep on checking.
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Joshmomm, I would love you to share your questions with me, too! Thank you.
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Hi Joshmomm, can I have your interview questions as I need to find a new DH to replace my existing one???
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Joshmomm... I know you have probably sent out a few... but could I please have the list too? I will be moving to HK this August and need a DH to look after my 5 month old bub.
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Hi Joshmomm, Hope you're not getting tired of this request . . . could you send me the list too? I'm about to interview DH's. Thanks!
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nicam
18 yrs ago
Joshmomm, pls send me the list too... thks.
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While you're at it, could I have it too please?
Thanks!
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Dear Joshmomm
i will be moving to HK to join my husband after i deliver my second son in Dec. Would really appreciate if you could send me this interview list that everyone is raving about to help in my search for a DH.
Many thanks!
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kooni
18 yrs ago
FYI -- We interviewed over 30 applicants, hired our top choice, treated her very well AND we got TOTALLY screwed and had to terminate her within a month. DISASTER!!!!!! She spread more rumors about me within a month than I have accumulated in a lifetime. Turned out she was running another business (selling phone cards so her mobile would NOT stop ringing), and she was a mail order bride to some man in the US, due to be married within a few months! AND, she told everyone in the building we were actually killing her! Anyway, we have a WONDERFUL helper now. It's a steep learning curve!
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Hi Kooni, I guess we all go through the same path and learn all the same things about DH ;-)
Just one advice, don't over estimate your new helper. I was exactly in the same situation as you and after 2 years, I now realise a lot of things and that my helper is not as great as I thought.... Always keep your eyes and hears open !
Good luck.
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joshmomm, can you pls share your list for interviewing maid. I'm doing an interview now. It's very hard to chooice one. All other ideas are welcome.
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Hi Joshmomm
My husband and I have just moved to HK and I will be delivering my first baby in January. Seeing we have no family to help us out we've decided to employ someone but are a little trepidous as we've never had a helper, letalone a cleaner. We would greatly really appreciate it if you would share your (now famous) question list or any more advice with me.
Thank you
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