Cannot feel comfortable with helper

Hello Hong Kong,


I feel grateful for the help of our domestic helper. This question does not relate to her level of ability or work.


I cannot get used to a live-in person who is someone between an employee/friend/teammate/family member. She seems unhappy all the time and I feel that my privacy and relaxed manner is totally gone. I would abandon hiring a helper altogether, but with a baby coming in a few months and career obligations, it is not an option. Live-out isn't legal.


How to manage this? After 4 yrs with domestic help, I still do not feel it is my version of normal - though I am not opposed to employing a DH if I can overcome my own discomfort. Any suggestions for how I may create a more harmonious atmosphere and chill a bit?

Thank you Malka and Cara - good advice from both of you.


I think part of my problem is that I felt close to our first helper and ended up getting pretty hurt with lies and deceit, etc when she abruptly quit 6 months ago... and now I'm trying not to get too close again. This new lady has been with us for 2 months and she probably senses my hesitation to be close and my hormonal ups and downs are probably hard to handle for her, too. Yes, it is probably very much to do with my own hormones - I don't think it is her issue at all. She is very helpful.


Oh - I work from home and will take care of baby most of the time... but cannot manage all other domestic tasks plus my job and baby.


Is it legal for helpers to sleep out of the home? - perhaps come to work 9am-6pm?


thanks

You can try to get permission from immigration for a FDH to live out. They do allow under certain circumstances apparently.

lots of people have the dh living out. It is not legal but as long as she is happy with it and you have a good relationship with her you can get away with it.


You will have to pay her the boarding house.

I am going through a similar situation. Had a helper who totally took advantage of our kindness (lied, broke stuff, was disrespectful etc). In the beginning she was so nice and helpful so I was really surprised when things went pear shaped. This has definitely affected my confidence in being able to live with/ hire another DH and potentially go through that again (we let that helper go a few weeks ago). Am also pregnant with twins, working full time from home and will need the extra help but I have been hesitant to hire again. It would have to be a pretty special person to restore my faith and make me feel comfortable. If this helper is sad all the time it might just be her 'normal' face- but do you want to live with someone with that kind of disposition? Its not good for you to be around that every day. Or she may actually be unhappy in which case I'd let her go. You need to feel comfortable in your own home or whats the point?