helper problems HELP

i have thought so often of replacing my helper as she has been so absent minded, always askes for a loan or an advance in salary, clumsy and i can't even list all of the things.


first off, she needs constant reminding. i would tell her i want her to pick up plain yogurt for my baby with no sugar. after the first time where she bought ones with sugar, i told her to look on the ingredients, pointing to where they are and said for her to make sure to check to see sugar has not been added. now for the 4rth time she still buys the wrong thing.


she's left the stove on... i mean the flame on with no pot on top of it, turned of the kitchen lights and gone to sleep.


she always asks for either a loan or an advance in salary. upon her first asking, we had told her we didn't like that sort of thing but would make an exception for the first time.. or course time and time again her mom or her dad, or her son has been sick, or her relatives need help and she's the only one they always ask etc etc... came to a point where you wonder how honest she is... or how sick her family is???


i have a 9 month old baby and i do everything for her, i'v always made it a point that she mainly needs to look after the household and help with the baby only when i need help, as i wanted to be concentrating on caring for my baby. she had even said to me on a number of occasions that she brags to friends that her life is so easy as the baby sleeps through the night and that her employee's wife doesn't work and takes care of the baby all the time. so, why does she always ask for days off, always nips out for calls.


another thing i am very unhappy about is that she seems to play off my husband and me on separate things. for example she took her holiday (which i might add she took 17 days holiday after only working for us for 8 months. i said i thought that she was only to take holiday after 1 year but she kept saying that is not true and that she can take the full days off now and not take any for the rest of the contract. stupid us let her go) she wanted to take the night off before as she had an early flight. we agreed she could, assuming she meant after everything was done. then she asked to have a few hours in the afternoon to do some shopping before her trip. as we were out all day, my husband said if everything was done she could nip out for a little. then later on she asked me for friday afternoon off to shop. in the end, she left sat at 2am and i told her i didn't realise she was leaving so early. she said "sir said i could leave early" but when i asked my husband, he said she had asked for the night off and he had assumed that meant after everything was done meaning around 7-8pm.


she hovers around while we watch tv, watching from the corner of the room, or from the kitchen door. i don't know if i am being too picky or anal but it doesn't feel like family time with someone looking over your shoulder. i had mentioned so many times when she first started that when sir was home that we want our privacy and to pls retire to her room unless we need soemthing.


i know partially it is our fault for allowing it to slide this far, but i have stated from time and again things but they never seem to get through to our helpers brain.


can anyone offer any suggestion? the main concern i have in finding another helper, we hired ours through an agency which said within the first year if we were to change help, they would do so without charge, but if we go back to them as we paid them for this service - the agent may call our helper and tell her before we'v found someone new and let her go??


there is so much i could write but i hope what i have written can somewhat describe what she is like.

Let her go right away and find replacement. She sounds very immature and not uncapable. Why live with such agony?! Don't know how much you paid the agency but think of it as a loss and find another agency if you are worried about your current helper finding out. I hired mine through AsiaXpat site and didn't cost anything except for fees to the immigration, consulates, etc.

Write all of this down, in a simple list. Put what has happened that you are not happy with, and what you expect in the future. Sit her down and go through the list and tell her that she has a month to shape up, or you will have to look for another helper. Basically treat her exactly as any employer would treat an employee who wasn't doing their job as expected.

BE PREPARED FOR TEARS! There will be excuses - sick family or her own health problems. I am sure you are sympathetic to these but she has the responsibility to manage her own personal life without it affecting her work.


To replace a helper is a real pain, so it would be better if you could work things out, but if she is not prepared to try then that's too bad. There are plenty of other women looking for jobs.

Divalicious,

No suggestions on how to go about changing your helper, but a couple of thoughts on loans and privacy for any DH.


I've had DH's both in Manila and HK. Not sure about HK, but I know in Manila it was quite difficult for a helper to get a bank account, let alone a bank loan or credit card. They usually live paycheque to paycheque. Like most of us, we all need to borrow money at some time, but often their only alternative is a pawnshop or loanshark at exorbitant interest rates, or their employer. Rather than potentially having shady people showing up on our doorstep because they missed a payment, or paying too much interest, our policy was to never deny a loan (interest-free of course). We had restrictions such as never more than a months salary, maybe two if they'd been with us over a year... keep in mind this was Manila so a months salary was less than HK, and repayment was monthly off their pay with a repayment schedule that still provided enough of a paycheque to live. Another reason to provide a loan is that it may prevent theft by someone feeling desperate.


We also never asked why they wanted the loan for a couple reasons. Sometimes a little information is more than you want to know. If the loan is for a family members medical test or something similar, I don't want to know as I can't afford to help if the result bears bad news. Another reason to avoid asking what the loan is for is that I prefer not to put a DH in a position that they may be less than truthful. They may not say they want to buy a TV (or whatever) for their home, and may provide some other reason.


Family privacy is of course a concern. We purchased a TV and radio for our DH. Nothing fancy but they work. Our DH is able to relax once she's done and we are able to have some privacy. Works for us, and plenty of used TV's for sale on asiaexpat.


There is no doubt that not all of us can afford to be our DH's personal bank, or be able to afford TV's etc. However, a couple thousand dollars put aside as a revolving loan for a DH may bring you some peace of mind as you expect the loan request, you don't put pressure on yourself or the DH over whether the loan is for a suitable reason, and you have a repayment system in place. Of course once it is paid off, the cycle repeats itself.


Sometimes the loans do some good. I found out afterwards what some of the loans in Manila were for. One helper was able to put plumbing in her house and also buy a fridge, another had some savings but an additional loan was enough for a downpayment on a house:)


Just my two cents. Good luck.

tmk

How much money is an agency fee?


How much money is a months notice and tavel?


How much money is you peace of mind worth?


How much money is your privacy worth?


How much money is your 9 month old baby worth?

Bumpkin, I think you are confusing divalicious for someone else.


divalicious, yes, it's time to terminate your helper. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that her family is in dire straits financially. But, the odds are more likely that she is just really bad with money -- problems which become exponentially worse when she is terminated (I would give her payment in lieu so she leaves immediately). Money problems are never a good sign for any employee, especially one that has access to your personal belongings. My helper was just telling me the other day about helpers who have gambling addictions.

i'm actually looking for someone to take care of the house work while i spend my time on caring for the baby full time.


but on the odd occasion when i need to go out but cannot bring the baby, then at least hoping that the person hired i can feel comfortable leaving the baby with her for a couple of hours. (ie going to immigration tower or going to doctor's)