Posted by
ocmommy
17 yrs ago
Not sure if you guys have similar thoughts that I do but just wanted to hear other views on this. Have gone through a whole range of DH applicants recently. Some seem to be good potential helpers with "good" CVs and/or recommendations but I am immediately turned off with the way they answer.
I absolutely despise and find impolite when they answer back using the word "yeah". I dont expect them to answer me saying "yes, madam or senora" but a polite a "yes, mrs. so-and so" or a "yes, I will or yes, I am...." if they feel uncomfortable using name titles. And I also do not like being referred to on a first name basis.
Before this is labeled by some as a racist themed thread, just want to emphasize that our "caucasian" family helper in Paris never once referred to my mom-in-law in "Tu" terms, always in "Vous" followed by Madame so-and-so. And this helper has been with my mom-in-law for more than 20 years. I was also likewise asked by my husband to refer to all other helpers (be it family or belonging to friends) in the more formal "vous" manner rather than the familiar "tu". I also studied in Japan, and there are also different degrees of politeness to use when you refer to people depending on your degree of relation and closeness to them. DEfinitely I cannot address my employer the same way I address my friend or sibling.
I think its but polite for helpers to refer to their employers in a more respectful manner, just as it is the same way that one does not refer to a director or chairman or CEO of the company in "yeah" unless you are THAT close or related to them. Although in retrospect, I would not even dare to answer to my mom or CEO uncle or chairman dad using "yeah".
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I think instilling or reminding them of basic good manners, isnt too much to ask.
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TC
17 yrs ago
Well go ahead and do it then! And if they don't measure up to your standards you can always terminate them. Generally if you set the rules up front there shouldn't be a problem.
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Its no big deal for me if my helper answered me "yeah or yes".Well,different countries had different ways of showing politeness.
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ocmommy
If you require anyone working for you to be polite and know her place then keep interviewing until you find someone who meets your standards. You may find you need to look at educated housekeepers and nannies though rather than people from the poorest countries in the world.
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Island Dweller:
I know what the going rate of helpers are in the UK since we employed them whilst living there several years ago. No need to state this fact.
Moppet:
I actually find the ones who are more "educated" (i.e. the ones who have gone to university) to be the ones responding in the "yeah" manner. The less educated (i.e. highschool graduates) are the ones who are actually more polite. Not really sure why. Maybe their parents just instilled in them better manners.
TC:
I guess you are right. I should be upfront to them during interviews and just say to the DH (filipino ro not) that I would not like to be addressed in the "yeah" manner. If its a problem to her, then its better if she seeks employment elsewhere.
Just to stress the point of politeness and manners, I teach and constantly remind my daughter to say thank you and please to everyone, even to helpers, drivers, bell boys, hotel cleaning maids for each and every service they do for you or ask them to do. And yes, you can be assured that my daughter does not use the word "yeah" to ANYONE in responding to a question or a call.
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Miggy
17 yrs ago
One cannot expect that all people were brought up the same way. Learn to be patient. Tell them what to you is wrong, what to you is improper. Teach them what to you is acceptable based on your own standards because they are to work for you. If they can't follow what you want then yes they can find employment elsewhere. You will be more comfortable without them and will live a happy life with less angst. They too will definitely appreciate being with another employer who they can be more comfortable with.
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Nuri
17 yrs ago
ocmommy,
The "yeah" answer is the least important problem you will encounter when dealing with HK DHs. Just read this thread and you'll find so many negative experiences.
However, don't be discouraged: there are excellent DHs with good attitude and performance who are respectful as well. For example, I have an excellent DH from Indonesia. She is the third helper in 2 years. Finally I'm lucky. If you find one like this, and she says "yeah" instead of "yes" -- you are lucky! I'm not a native speaker though, so I may not "feel" the difference.
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hkkm
17 yrs ago
It seems like this is, at least partly, an issue relating to different languages. Because English doesn't have different ways of referring to people like 'tu' and 'vous', ways of showing respect or politeness when talking to someone aren't as obvious. However, I'm sure that it is still possible to be rude and/or disrespectful to someone in French while still using 'vous' to them. It's not the words, it's the attitude.
I guess what I'm saying is that things like this work differently in different languages, particularly when dealing with a non-native speaker (such as a DH). Don't worry about the words, it's the attitude that matters.
Ocmommy, I say 'yeah' to everyone including my boss (who I call by his first name) and my mother. For goodness sake, if you can't be casual with your mother...
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I can't believe that someone is actually sitting there thinking what's the differences between 'yeah' and 'yes'.
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..I absolutely despise and find impolite when they answer back using the word "yeah...
I would not even dare to answer to my mom or CEO uncle or chairman dad using "yeah"....
Your above statement is strong. You don't have any right to "Despise" and also don't need to pick any thoughts, as you already have a fixed mindset & being arrogant.
I don't see why there is a need for the specific mentioning of "CEO, Chairman" in your thread.
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3579
17 yrs ago
ocmommy, if you've had helpers/chaffeurs/etc all your life this is a no-brainer. you are supposed to INSTRUCT your employees, period. and be patient. not all have had the privilege of your class, education, and background. my two cents.
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It's not about education, but being learned. I do not remember being taught that to answer " Yeah" instead of " YEs" is impolite. So it is possible that those you've interviewed did not know the difference.
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ocmommy, be sure we do not have similar thoughts,
yeah is not impolite for us. It is a slang term for yes. A few people will find it impolite(like you) probably you are on a higher pedestal but for us who belong to somewhat middle class citizens it is soooo normal. Politeness can neverbe measure in a yeah term. That's my point of view. Kuddos to you Island dweller.
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ocmommy, be sure we do not have similar thoughts,
yeah is not impolite for us. It is a slang term for yes. A few people will find it impolite(like you) probably you are on a higher pedestal but for us who belong to somewhat middle class it is soooo normal. Politeness can never be measure in a yeah term. That's my point of view. Kuddos to you Island dweller.
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ShazP
17 yrs ago
We have been brought up to answer properly with YES.
If you wish your DH to answer with what you believe is the right way, tell her about it. Dont assume that one is being rude by making what she believes to be a normal answer. Speak your mind & solve your problems.
I believe it is better to discuss things than hold a grudge.
BTW, YES is not about class or anything, it is about the way you are taught. While one says yeah is fine, however to my parents yeah is totally unacceptable! We are a middle class family brought up in certain ways, my parents brought us up to do & say what they believe is the right way. No harm in that.....nothing wrong in that!
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"I teach and constantly remind my daughter to say thank you and please to everyone, even to helpers, drivers, bell boys, hotel cleaning maids"
So these people do not deserve your thanks?
You are teaching your child that they are somehow supererior to others, wow nice life lesson!!!
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