Advice needed desperately

My helper of 4 years finished contract in August and since then we've been unsuccessful with our search for a good replacement. The indonesian we hired after her came highly recommended but resigned to go back to Indonesia. Her reason was that she just met her boyfriend and needed to get married and he wouldn't wait two years for her. She's just recently contacted my friend's helper to say that she's 3 months pregnant, meaning she was already pregnant when I hired her. I'm not sure why the medical checkup didn't pick this up but anyway, I won't dwell on it anymore. She still messages us and so does my 4 year helper.

After my indonesian left (she was only with us for 1.5 months), we hired a filipino helper to replace her. She's worked 1.5 months with us and we've just heard from my MIL's friend (who is a good friend of the agent), my filipino helper asked the agent to find her another employer. She said it is tough work and she doesn't know what she'll do when I give birth to my third child early next year. I will have 3 kids by then which is a lot of work, I know.

My current helper actually ignores my 8 year old because she's too busy with my 21 month old. My 8 year old comes home at 3.20pm and I'm home by 6.15pm. Durign that time, my 8 year old finds her own snacks from the snack drawer and watches cartoons till I come home. So really, she cares for my toddler only, cooks dinner and washes clothes. She also washes our bathrooms. She doesn't tidy the rooms because I do this myself. She only cooks dinner for the family and lunch (for herself and my toddler). She doesn't make us breakfast and I usually cook lunch on Saturdays to give her a break. Both of my kids eat cereals on a daily basis.

I don't want to downplay the hardwork of a helper because I'm sure it is a lot of work.... but I'm becoming really discouraged because I'm not sure if I can find a good one who is willing to work for us.

After no. #3 is here, I will probably bring her over to MIL's place in the daytime while I work because MIL's lives close to my workplace and it's easier for me to go there to breastfeed.

My question is, should I start looking for a new helper knowing that my helper doesn't really want to work with us instead of waiting for her to resign?

I've spoken to her about her work and despite me doing the best I can to ease her workload (take the kids off her at nights, clean up the rooms, cook lunch during the weekend), I feel that she's really resisting the work (this is just my gut feeling). When my toddler opened the shower screen door while her sister was showering and the floor got wet, my helper said quietly but I heard, "Shit!" and then "Idiot". I've told her not to use those words around the kids although I can understand how she feels.

Help, should I look for another one?

3 kids 1 helper is a lot of work. Maybe hire a part timer to clean your house and press clothes 2-3 times per week, 4 hours each day.

Thank you all for your suggestions. Yes indeed, when we have all 3 kids, we will most definitely go for 1 full time + 1 local part time.

The first 8 months, baby will be at the inlaws so I won't need part time as my current full time will just need to look after 1 toddler.

My problem is, even without my new baby onboard, my helper doesn't feel she can cope and I'm doing so much housework to reduce her burden already?

Well then look for another one, she clearly won't be able to handle the job. There is no reason for the 2 of you to be unhappy.

I just gave mine her 30 days notice.

I have 2 kids in primary school, I work half day and she cannot handle when my previous one would even take a nap in the middle of the day.

We must accept not eveybody can handle the job, not even with help.

I'm kind of over the "my helper can't handle 3 kids", I am not saying any one should be a slave but I have found some helpers like the kids part and some are happier cleaning huge houses. It depends on the person. My new helper cleans the house while I do the kids stuff. We fired our last helper due to her skyping continuously throughout the day and night. Every time her second phone beeped she would run into her room and open her laptop. The last time was for 2 hours while she watched me clean up the lounge. We are a family of 6 with 4 children.


You seem to do a lot if now see if you both can stream line it. There are many great suggestions on this site with regard to efficieny. She could precook meals, have a schedule with regard to bathroom and floor cleaning etc. My helper said at her previous job she had to iron everything from underwear to sheets :( we just iron going out clothes.


If your daughter comes home at a certain time she should help her with the snacks and play for a while as per scheduled. So the sheets didn't get changed today because there was not enough time the world won't end.


With 4 children everything comes down to attitude. Your house may not be in an issue of home and garden but the kids will be calm and happy because thats a priority. Share some tips with her how you made things easier and if there is a day like Saturday where you take the kids out then this is a good day to concentrate on the cleaning without having to watch out for the children.


Lastly the basic salary is crappy so if you can offer her an incentive or bonus it helps. I read somewhere that an employer quietly put 10 percent (extra) of the helpers salary away and before her holiday gave it to her as a bonus I thought that was a great idea. Good luck.

Sorry for rambling but forgot to say nobody should call your child names they pick up on everything. Sometime the kids lose it in translation some cantonese does not translate well (you big head prawn lol) for e.g you idiot, stupid etc could just as nicely be said with a sense of humor. He was not stupid but "oops that's a bit silly" chuckle lets not do that again

Thank you all for your input.

We have hired a new helper already but she's still in the process of getting her passport done. I hope she'll be here in Feb, before I give birth to baby #3 in early March. But in any case, at least I'll be home for 6 weeks in March to take care of the three kids.

What made me decide so quickly is that for the past one week, my current helper has continued to swear under her breath. It could be something as simple as my baby pooing and when I came home and asked her nicely if she could help clean so that I could have my dinner, she would take one look at her nappy and would say, "Shit". Sometimes if my toddler messes the living room, she'd say the same, "Shit". Now I tend to just let her get on with whatever she wants to do and as for the rest, I just do it myself. She saw me cleaning the floor last night because there were food crumps in the corridor and she said, "Excuse me", then walked into her room to shut her room door.

I don't think she's mad at me or anything because I have never screamed at her or raised my voice and I try not to bother her. I just think that she finds it quite painful to look after kids. That's fine with me, I guess. Coz not everybody likes kids and she's never marrried or have kids of her own. She only has one toddler that she needs to take care of at the moment, I can really agree with her that she won't be able to manage two!

I think it's just a mismatch this time.

Dear Ma'am Aaliyah.

I am a helper myself and it has become my habit to read comments here at domestic forums. Doing so had help me have a better and wider understanding as to employer-employee relationship/situation. I can appreciate your comments and feelings.

Like many other jobs, being a helper is indeed tough and could be very challenging. But a positve and communicative, respectful helper can help ease the load of this job. . However, if you have decided to start look for new helper, would be alright to ask you to consider my application or my husband's... Please ignore me if not appropriate to tell this in this forum:) Anywayhope you can find a replacement...

Geraldyn, thank you. However, we've already signed up for a new helper last week and she's due to come working for us in February next year.

The agent whom we've used to hire our filipino helper (who didn't work out) just called me to say that she's worried that even our next helper may back out after she starts working for us because we are considered a "non-ideal family to work for". She says that no helpers will want to work for a family of three kids with the mother working. I feel so discouraged hearing this although I can appreciate the truthfulness in her statement.

I think more than ever, I feel I definitely need to ask for my MIL's help in looking after my newborn when I'm at work because she'll have a helper there. It works well with my breastfeeding because my MIL lives close to my workplace. At least for the first year anyway. I'll have to see what happens after that. My 8 year old will be 9 by then. Not sure if she's at an okay age to walk to my office if the bus drops her off nearby. She won't have to cross the roads but how much responsibility can I give her at that age, I wonder?

with that kind of attitude i think you need to look for another one.. she is not a good influence to the kids.. you will not like to hear your kids saying "sh*t " to you, right? but it will likely to happen if you have her around your kids.