Posted by
freddy
18 yrs ago
I have noticed a recurring theme on this section, that of the employer being stressed by their helper experience. I wonder if there is a business oportunity for potential employers to take a course on how to handle your helper, from selction criteria, to interview training/coaching even sitting in with potential employer in the interview, how to "train your helper" how to avoid petty problems escalating etc. A lot of the complaints here seem to be from people who have never had live in helpers or even helpers before. I know there is a book about this but do you think people would pay for such a course, not offering to set one up by the way, just a thought, and if there is a budding trainer out there and it works, then just buy me a beer. My interest in this section is due to being married to an ex helper who still has many helper friends and it would be nice to try to help avoid stress for a few employees as well as employers
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I think the YMCA already runs one - don't know the details. It's a great idea, though, as mostly it seems that we're generally rubbish at handling our own staff...
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seems that way, but then I guess we only see the tales of woe here, I am sure there are loads of employee/employer relationships working well. Perhaps the course should be made mandatory but then again we are allowed to parent children without any prior training, now there is an experience!!
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Heh chill please, just a suggestion, clearly you know all there is to know about employing a helper and your "what to be aware of stuff" could be part of the course for the newbies, perhaps you could be guest speaker on the now for "the horrible things helpers get up to section" Only trying to help.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
Freddy, it's an excellent idea but I'm not sure if it's workable.
Problem is, what works for one household may not work for another, and what's okay for some employers and helpers may not be okay for others. It's hard to come out with a set rules that can be applied to all helpers in general. Eg. a baby may require help at night which some helpers are willing to do but not others.
I think (only my opinion) hiring a helper is very similar to being in a relationship. The difference is, you get to try a relationship before living together but with a helper you don't get that chance. It's unfair for both parties. I don't think it's anyone's fault when things don't work out. It's just like in any relationship - both are not suitable for one another.
Probably the only thing we can do (both helpers and employers) is to keep trying until we find one that we are happy with (meaning one that we can accept both the good and bad sides).
Having said that, it'll be quite interesting if there was a gathering of all helpers and employers who are there to share experiences, exchange ideas and get help.
Are you wanting to share some ideas from a helper's point of view for first time employers? I wouldn't mind hearing coz I unfortunately am in the position of having to terminate mine :-(
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As I said I just noticed that a lot of people seem to get it wrong and that this not good for either party. I am happy to pass on views I have heard from the helpers I know, but they may be a little skewed as the majority of them are friends of my wife from their church group and most seem happy with their local and expat employers. I have not gone through the experience of having to hire live in help so hard for me to comment.
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MayC
18 yrs ago
Freddy, you are right.... it's not good for either party when things go wrong....
Freddy, you are quite welcomed to share their views with us (I'm saying this genuinely).... employers want to make it work just as much as they hope things will work out for them.
My new helper will start in mid-November. So if there are anything that I can do or not do to make her transition smooth, I would be more than happy to do so.
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Ok, I will have a think, and try to summarise what I hear from the girls, I would say a common one is where an experienced helper moves families and wants to"show off their skills" which is often take the wrong way by new employer as she is trying to boss me around, who then gets angry and "instructs" the maid. End result is a misearable maid who feels less than valued and ends up just doing the job and never offers her knowledge again. Filipina girls can be very unforgiving when they feel they have been disrespected. Respect is a huge deal in the Philippines and even a lowly helper feels bad when under valued. Equally there are employers who know exactly how they want things doing and that is fine too, unfortunately it does mean this misunderstanding (which can led to just average performance) does happen. Of course this does not apply to a new maid fresh of the boat._
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MayC
18 yrs ago
A fair enough comment, Freddy.... something I didn't think about when hiring. It's a catch 22 situation because very often than not, an employer already has their set ways of doing things and what was right in the helper's previous job may not be right for the current job. How this is solved I guess depends on the communication and attitudes of both helpers and employers.
For mine, I had to beg my helper to listen to me but she would go on and on and on without hearing me and I ended up having to raise my voice and say, "Please, please be quiet and listen to me first." I had to say, "I realise that you have your ways of bringing up children but please, I need you to work with my way". But at the end of it, she gets angry and ignores me because perhaps she feels disrespected, like you say, but shouldn't she respect my ways of doing things too? It came to a point where I'm too scared to correct her in case she gets angry and shows her temper. The end result is that I compromise my ways to make her happy and she tells me off instead of the other way 'round because I'm too scared to rock the boat.
I would say that this is the same as working for an organisation. If we are new, we have to try to "fit" into the organisation because it's bound to be different from our previous job.
Rather than feeling that we do not respect them, it would be nice if they see it as needing to "fit" in.
So this is me, in the employer's perspective of what the helper should do or feel but I don't know what the employer should do in a situation like this. Do you have a suggestion on what we can do to have our households run the way we usually have it without upsetting our helpers?
Your comments are interesting and valid, Freddy. I am listening.
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As you say a difficult one as in your case you seemed to have a very wilful and difficult helper. I will come back to you but I am leaving on a business trip later today and will not be around for a few days
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I guess freddy needed to do some research first.
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They have internet in Singapore you know miming, you are clearly another one of these perfect employers who knows everything there is to know about the helper/employer relationship, perhaps you could pass on your pearls of wisdom, or are you just being a smart a** for the hell of it.
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Freddy I had the a perfect relationship with my helper and shes been working for my family for almost 6 years now.My pearls of wisdom is that "communication" to both parties as I mentioned before to my previouses post.Once a month,we will treat our helper to a nice dinner in a nice restaurant only me ,her and my husband then we can talk and open up any issues.We always listen to each others opinion.Our rules is that,dont hide anything we need to be open and understand,respect each other.This is how it works for my helper and my family.But off course,I agree with MayC it may not work into another household.
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thank you miming and sorry if I was snappy, crap flight and rip off taxi. I guess some employers find it difficult to get things over sometimes to someone who is from a wery different background and perhaps do not have the time or cannot be bothered finding a way that works. After all how many otherwise brilliant professionals do you know whose people skills are somewhat less than perfect.
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