Scary Helper Issue - NEED ADVICE PLEASE!!!

Hello everyone. Many thanks in advance for any advice you can offer me.


We employed a helper a couple of months ago based on high recommendation from friends who employed her for 2 years and who were leaving Hong Kong. As far as being a helper is concerned, she has done a great job and my baby seems happy with her.


The problem came about a month into signing her contract... She informed us that her husband has been jailed for murder in the Philippines... She is positive he is innocent and has been trying to raise money for bail and legal fees. She believes he was framed by her Uncle (a Mayor of the town) who is covering up for his 'bodyguards' who she believes are the ones who actually killed this man...She later told me that her father and brother were also murdered many years ago.


She is clearly stressed, distraught, has been through a lot and seems to be a kind person and I want to help her but I can't help but feel very concerned about this situation.


We agreed to help her with some of the money but I feel increasingly stressed and worried about this as the main reason we hired her was to care for my baby so I can work part-time. I work from home but with this issue in mind, I'm finding it hard to concentrate and there are times i need to visit factories but now I don't feel comfortable leaving my son alone with her.


My husband says things like this happen all the time in the Philippines and I shouldn't 'freak out about it.'


So, I'm asking, IS this usual? Am i over-reacting in my concern? Are we in any danger (from dodgy people in the Philippines) by agreeing to give her money?


Many thanks again for your help!

No, I don't think you'd be putting yourselves in any danger (I was married to a Filipino, so it's not without experience of the culture that I speak).

But ask yourself this, if you were in a similar position would you ask your, or your husband's boss for the money? And you've only known her a couple of months. It's great that you want to help the lovely lady who looks after your son, but is it appropriate?

There are also support groups, such as Typhoon 8, specifically for Filipinos in HK that might be able to offer advice to her. I would also counsel her not to take out a loan that is beyond her means to repay - there are plenty of lenders out there that would prey on her vunerability right now.

I wouldn't worry about leaving your son with her - this sounds very much like a local issue in the Phils. It is a sad fact that local politicians there can be corrupt but rarely would they have the whack to exert any influence beyond their own small area.

Yes, be wary about lending helpers money, there have been times when they have embellished truth to obtain money, if they themselves are in debt. Some have gone as far to invent stories of close family members dying, when they are actually alive and well.

yeah Philipines is nothing like HK or China,

just google "philipines corrupt mayor murder" and you'll see dozens of different cases.....

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. I guess we were thinking to help financially as this would help take the stress off her mind (and hopefully keep her from going to loan sharks which would make the matter worse!), for her, but also as she is caring for our son, we don't want her to be distracted (he is at an age where he is starting to get into everything!) I don't think she is lying as the situation is almost too convoluted to be a lie - it seems easier to just say your grandmother is ill in hospital, to get money.


To update, it seems the Mayor (her uncle) is having some discussions with the victim's family to come up with a settlement... so there may not be any payment needed... One can only hope some right is done by them...


Hopefully all will be settled soon...

Thank you again for your comments. It puts my mind at ease on some issues!

Jyn - feel free to PM if there is anything else on your mind that I might be able to help with.

5yearslater - thank you so much. We're waiting to see what happens with this latest news and may take you up on your offer if need be. All the best!

Dear Jyn,

I agree with the other posters that lending money is not the best way. By being supportive and paying her this is already huge.

The Phillipines does seem to be a corrupt and violent place - I am currently employing my third DH in 19 years, the first one had the misfortune of having her husband stab his cousin during a card game, the second had her husband ( also corrupt mayor type) shot by his own son. Both very lovely ladies in no way deserving or causative of these tragedies. I supported them as best I could, other than with extra money. Nothing went wrong and I was appreciated.

Try to relax !

sorry to hear your story. i think what happens in her family should not reflect upon your existing opinion of her. be wary of getting financially involved though as I cant see anything good happening from that. hope all goes well for you !