Suggestions??

I didn't have helpers until I have kids. My friends have warned me not to be too generous and certainly not treating my helper as a friend. I did not want to believe their stories. Now I have my own.


I hired my current helper 18 months ago. Prior to having her, I have a local Chinese lady looking after my daughter since birth. I used to pay 8k to the Chinese lady. My husband and I want to save up so we decided to hire live-in DH which is half the price. At the time, I was working and my job was very demanding. I had to get up at 6 in the morning and usually finished work at 7 and so I would spend the evening with my husband and my daughter and barely had a chance to get to know my helper; however, she seemed to be cheerful, quiet and nice. We hired her in April and we went back home in the summer for 6 weeks so we bought ticket for her to go back to Philippines for 6 weeks even though she only worked for us for 2 months at that time. We also flew her back the following Christmas as she expressed how much she wished she could be at my daughter's 18th birthday. My friend said I spoil her.


Long story short, I got pregnant in that summer and she asked to hire her friend because she claimed it would be too much work to care for 2 young children. I agreed at the time and so I paid the agency fee and had her visa done. My friend suggested me to pay extra to have her going through extra medical check up just to be on the save side. Her medical report came back as Hepatitis B positive AND STD positive. When I told my helper the fact that I would not hire her, she sighed and said, "Right, her husband is a drug addict and so was she!" I was shocked and was speechless. How could she NOT tell me that?? After that, she expressed that she would really appreciate if she could work with someone she knows. I eventually gave in and hired her husband's niece who was 24 years old.

The niece turned out to be a complete disaster. Her English was very weak and we had a lot trouble communicating with her and she lied about her experience. A month after this second helper came, I gave birth to my younger daughter and she was 10 weeks premature. Unfortunately, she had all sorts of medical issues and at times we thought we were going to lose her.

When I came home from the hospital 3 days after I gave birth, strangers in my neighborhood came up to me and asked me about my daughter's medical condition. I was very annoyed. Apparently, my helper gossiped about me. My daughter stayed in the ICU for 2 months and the whole family had a very difficult time. I was very upset because I was going through emotional roller-coaster but the gossip did not stop.

Anyway, I eventually quit my job and so I let the second helper go. I have been staying home for 5 months. Ever since I am home, I notice that my helper has very low energy. I asked her 3 months ago if she was feeling well, she replied, 'No, I am just lazy!". Again, I was speechless. Since then, I made a schedule for her to follow so then she can get more things done and I can spend more time with my daughters. When again she doesn't clean properly, I confront her but now she would either have a sore face or not acknowledging the fact that I am talking to her. (I am having trouble dealing with the transition being a stay at home mom and having her disrespecting me really doesn't help)

When I ask her to go to Taste or wet market to do grocery shopping instead of going to citysuper or 360, she gives me a long face the whole day. Also, I have a part-time work (6 hours a week) to pull in some cash. My helper made comments about that and made me feel terrible. Sometimes I feel like I have to live up to her standard. As we are now living off one pay check, I have to budget everything and she made comments about where other helpers in the same building shop. Also, how some employers take their helpers to vacations.


We went to short holiday in Oct and although my relationship with her was horrible at that time, again we sent her home. I was hoping she would appreciate it and would work harder and be more cheerful when she's back. Anyway, we are barely talking right now.

Having said all that, she is quiet and gentle to my daughters. We believe that she cares a lot about her family. We feel sorry for her leaving her family behind.


Her contract is up in 4 months. As much as I want to enjoy staying home and spending quality time with my daughters instead of feeling miserable and angry, I just don't have the heart to fire her now. However, I am whining everyday and I was wondering if I am just the kind of mother who is not used to live-in helper and spend time with them 24/7. I live in an apartment a bit over 1200sq ft and we constantly run into each other. Should I consider hiring part-time helper instead?


Any suggestions regarding how I can get thru the next 4 months and if she asks for renewing, how should I deal with it? I don't like the awkwardness and so how do I let her know I won't renew her contract and can I pay her a month before her contract is finished and ask her to leave so she doesn't see it coming?

again as i said in previous posts - the mere fact that you have posted your dilemma on this site means that you are not happy with your helper period.


it's your home, it's your sanity, and it's your family - so if you are not comfortable with your helper's attitude and or work issues - then let her go. set your guilt away.


4 months to go - since you are now a stay at home, diminish her work load gradually so that you take over most of the major stuff until she leaves.


if you are still racked with guilt, then the best thing you can do is give her two months notice that you are not renewing the contract. however having to do so, you have to expect a lot of pouting, a 360 degree change in attitude and work quality. but then if you do start to lessen her work load and lessen your dependency on her, then it wouldn't be so much an issue. just keep an eagle eye on your stuff as she may resort to "tantrums" and break or lose things.


do not renew her contract period. and yes you can give her a month's salary in lieu of notice.


make sure you have everything in writing, let her acknowledge the letters, prepare everything that you owe her ie fare, leaves etc. and send copies to the labor dept, immigration and phil. consulate.

i can't believe you haven't fired her already. you are going nuts about someone you are employing, but you keep employing her...

Her contract is up in 4 months. You have that long to take you r time and interview carefully. For your own peace of mind, you should start looking now.

If you will not renew her contract you can tell her, but later and she can start to look for a new employer herself. Good luck

Thanks for the helpful advice but I just dont' think I can fire her immediately. I have to take my older daughter to school in the afternoon and between the commute, nursing my little one and part time job, I have to make a lot of arrangement like school bus, part-time local helper... yes, Wiz Bang, I think it's a great idea to diminish her work load and see how I can take over gradually.

cara, I just phone a helper agency after reading your ad. I guess I kept thinking of how I would affect her family but I forget how much she is affecting mine. I know it's illegal to have a live-out helper but does anyone have contact about helper who has a permanant ID. Anyway, I will start interviewing this Sunday and see if I have any luck.

there's a thread here about local domestic helpers. give that a try


fdh normally can't take on part time jobs not unless she is married to a hk resident even though she has an id card.

http://www1.jobs.gov.hk/eng/domestic/employer/employer.aspx

Link to hire a local

I amazes me how some people get all lovey dovey about their maid and feel sorry about firing them when that particular person is toxic and making your family life a misery. I must say however, I've never had a maid talk like that to me as they would have been out of the door after the first comment.


It seems to me that your maid is the boss of your house. She fit the purpose for what she was needed at the beginning of her contract - you needed her to look after your daughter when you worked. Now you don't and she is in your face in a negative way. Now you are a stay home mum and you want some peace and quite to look after your kids. Believe me, looking after your small children is a gift and if you can stay home then you should cherish that short time you have together. You do not have long to go on your contract. To be fair I would let her run out the contract. Tell her that you are not renewing it with 1 month to go. Get someone else or get a part timer. Tell her that money is tight and that you are not getting another maid. What amazes me too is that people think their maid will be upset if you don't renew/ dump them. Believe me maids do not care where they work, they only care about $, benefits and days off. Your maid is manipulative and you need to take back control of your family.

Sorry, just one more thing. I agree with Cara. If your helper is not helping then there is no use having her. Believe me you are not affecting her family. I'm pretty sure she'l walk out of one job into another. I now have a very good maid who is lovely and I really like her. However the maid I had before her had to be fired as my newborn son too was premature and we thought we would have medical issues with him. Luckily we do not. Her hygiene and attitude was terrible and I got rid of her.

Angsana, in the past, I was skeptical when I heard negative stories about helpers because I used to have a lot of symphathy for them being away from home; therefore, I gave her the benefits of the doubts and always believe MAYBE it was her language...or perhaps she was brought up in a different way... Anyway, I learn my lesson and I hope I am as lucky as you. One last thing, when I disciplined my daughter this afternoon, she popped in to my daughter's room, gave me a sly look and chuckled. I bit my tongue NOT to scream at her from the bottom of my lung. What's wrong with her? I have a couple of interviews on Sunday, if things work out, I am going to let her go ASAP; otherwise, I will let her run out the contract.

We had a couple of interviews but no luck so far. I had a heart to heart chat with my helper and she seems to be more cheerful and willing to help out when needed. She sounds sincere when she apologies to me so if things go well from now until April, I am considering to renew her contract.


Anyway, a friend of mine suggested to have her living out instead so both of us can have some air. My friend mentioned that it's legal to have her liveing out after completing 12 months living in. I read other threads and it sounds like it's absolutely unacceptable to immigration under any circumstances unless the employer has obtained an approval since 2003. Is it true?

Your friend has it wrong. There is no 12 month rule. A foreign domestic helper may NOT live out. The only exception is, as you correctly state, for employments that received an exemption before 2003.


As for having some air, with the right helper this is not a problem. She is not a houseguest and you should not feel the need to socialize if you don't want to. We chat a lot with our helper but she knows when to "fade away".

Just want to ask for one more question here. As mentioned, I had a heart to heart chat with my helper. I basically let her know once again my expectations and if things do not improve in one month, I will let her go but will wait for her to find a new employer. She improved for a couple of days and went back to her old self again and both of us are miserable because we cannot have a decent conversation. I am not sure if she has found a new employment but anyway she gave me a resignation letter this afternoon stating that she will stay until 29 of Jan. My question is that if I want to send her home right away, how much do I have to pay her. Since her pay day is the 20th of each month, do I have to pay one month plus the 9 days pro-rata? Also, do I need to pay the food allowance as well? please help, I am planning to send her home before my kids go back to school next week.

You need to pay her salary that is due, 1 month's salary in lieu of notice, hkd100 per day for food allowance for however long it takes to get her home, one way ticket back to the philippines and the plane ticket to get to her province or bus fare for her to get home from the airport in the philippines.


I suggest that you make her sign for everything with a witness present. Even better to record on video the signing and hand over of monies.

She gave YOU the resignation letter. If she leaves before the 30 days are up, SHE pays YOU. You owe her for all the days she worked and it works out to be $116 per day for a month w/31 days. Or you need to pay her up to the notice day of 29 January. Plus any annual leave accrued @ 7 days per year and not taken. One way air fare or cash equivilant and travel expenses @$100 per day.

Might be a good idea to also check her luggage when she packs.

Sign and witness the termination form, or ask the agency who helped you (if you used one) to come and take care of it for you as witness etc. This form must be submitted to IMD within 7 days of her release in your employment. (You can fax it)

Good luck

http://www.immd.gov.hk/ehtml/SFIM1607.htm

This is a link to a sample of the letter you can print it out and use it for your final payment.

Hi again Sorry disregard the above link It is for the wrong kind of thing. Here is another

http://www.gov.hk/en/residents/employment/recruitment/terminateforeignhelper.htm

I just bought her a ticket this afternoon and will send her home early next week. I will have to find a replacement ASAP because school starts on Monday and between nursing, grocery shopping, taking my older one to school and tutoring, it is going to be challenging. Although I am a bit worried about the coming weeks or months, I am also relieved. I am losing hope on hiring helper thou. Thanks for the advice, everyone.