response to unexpected

Thank you for all of your responses. I am planning on having a talk with her as soon as she comes back from holiday. I don't know how it's going to turn out..last time we had a talk she started crying and I felt so bad. She was in the habit of cleaning the house in the morning, and then going to her room until dinner time, cooking dinner, cleaning up, and that's it aside from walking the dog a few times a day. (I would say a total of 4 hours of work a day) We have two young children (I am the main caregiver for them by choice - the ONLY time she takes care of them is when we go out maybe once a week or if I need to go to an appointment and when we go out I usually put them to bed before going), but I felt she could show alot more effort. She did respond and is doing a little more around the house, but really not THAT great (not really into putting things away and organizing - just sort of piles things). I also found out yesterday that she left the kids home alone to walk the dog (I was gone for 4 hours-he could have waited until I came home). I had asked specifically that she never do this. When I walk the dog the kids always come with me and she also has this option. I felt very manipulated and after hearing about this bonus thing even more so. We treat her extremely well I think. Really nice room and bed, cable TV, whatever she wants to eat, $5000/month salary etc. I think what has complicated things aside from me being a very inexperienced employer is that she is old enough to be my mom and it makes things weird. She is just not a happy person and not very motivated. I am really upset now and really regret ever hiring a helper. I was much happier just doing it myself and not worrying about keeping another person happy (like another kid). SO- this may be the end of the road.

Hi Silopanna,

I really feel for you. I was in exactly the same situation to yours with my first helper (15 years ago). If you feel manipulated, it undoubtedly means you are being manipulated. I think the sooner you end it the better.

I agree. Termination time. Don't wait.

Ah, the crying. Another pretty standard tactic. Been there...

Let's not be completely heartless. Losing a job is worth crying over. However, it appears that you've been extremely fair if not outright generous in terms of the salary you pay, the furnishings in her room, and the job she is expected to perform for you. For me, leaving the kids alone at home is grounds for dismissal, pure and simple. All the other stuff you've cited is annoying and can be dealt with through conversation and better direction. Leaving your kids at home unattended, however, especially someone who should know better, is just wrong.

Yes, if you lose your job maybe it's worth a few tears. But at the age of 50+, it is a little pathetic to use tears as a way to manipulate your employer, I think. I had a helper who did this a lot, 46 years old, did bugger all work, sulked all day long. No fun.

you can never win, we had a 58 year old DH who when I hired her I was single. When my partner came to live with me, she would ignore her completely - even to the extent of coming into the tv room in the evening with ONE CUP OF COFFEE! SHe told me that she was employed by me to work for me not two people!! She went soon after that comment! I then decided to get a completely new DH and train them to our standards - HUGE MISTAKE! Despite spending a great deal of time showing them how to clean, use washing machine etc etc, I still came home one afternoon to find the DH fast asleep on one of the spare beds, the dogs unfed and un-walked and the flat totally not cleaned ... SO that DH has gone too. NOw I have a new DH who is 32, has a small boy in the philippines that she needs to support and has lived in HK for 8 years. So far she is up bright and early, smiles, loves the dogs, can speak Cantonese, cooks chinese food and is efficent. It is trial and error really. There are horror stories yes, but there are also alot of loyal and decent DH's too.